Custody Orders
SO and I are currently writing up a custody agreement that he and BM2 may or may not agree on. I know she won't care about the details, just the primary custody and child support. She's probably going to throw a fit over the morality clause, no less than a 3 month relationship for overnight visits. Sorry BM2, the parade of hot dogs and clams will have to stop. (And she wonders why SD13 needs constant attentions and has a crush on everyone she meets.)
Just curious what all was included in your CO or what you wish was included.
The visitation and parenting time aren't written out yet but he's asking for a week on week off schedule with Wednesday visitation and both parents only doing drop offs, pick up and drop off on Wednesdays though.
So far we have:
primary residence
medical and educational decisions
morality clause
access to information
extracurricular activities
disparagement
parental designations
parental communication
telephone and computer access
mediation
relocation
I plan to add something about birthdays, special events, holidays, funerals, etc. I had that written out but DS2 tore it up for me.
We plan to have a lawyer look at it and make changes but I want to save money and write the majority of it on our own.
It won't be a final custody order, just something for the summer. BM2 doesn't want to do week on week off so I convinced the therapist to convince her to try it for the summer. She doesn't like telling anyone involved with the courts no.
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Our family wizard? I saw it
Our family wizard? I saw it being mentioned a lot so I looked into. BM2 likes the idea but refuses to pay for it.
Had everything you mentioned in the other custody agreement we made but didn't include it in this one.
Thanks for reminding me, BM2 will do just about anything to make our lives harder so I need to be as thorough as possible.
Just be very time specific
Just be very time specific for pick up/drop off. And keep in mind Early dismissals and Monday Holidays. Those are the areas we got screwed in. BM picks and chooses when she wants to follow these things because they were specifically time stamped (Sunday, 6pm @ school). Make sure you put in your summer vacation and if the preceed over Holidays or spring break. Like if BM wants to camping for two weeks and it falls on Father's day, she can't ignore Father's Day because her "vacation" is set for a certain week.
Agreed I'm interested in
Agreed
I'm interested in knowing if the OP and her dh waited 3 months before overnight visits started. I think this is wrong to dictate another persons household. Bm tried pulling this on dh and I. We lived in a state that had a very old rule, but no one lived by it, you cannot live with your partner until legally married. Bm and her BF were living together the day dh filed for divorce. Don't preach what you can't teach.
No overnights for about 6
No overnights for about 6 months. Waited about 2 before meeting the kids and just went by how comfortable they felt. I don't care what BM2 does, her life and all. What bothers me is her having multiple sexual partners while SD13 is there. SD13 hears and sees things she shouldn't, and has for awhile. When SD13 asked what a bondage kit was and what lube is used for is when we discovered the problem.
BM2 doesn't exactly show good relationships. Fiance of 1 year (he was a minor when they began sleeping together) was in jail and she had several partners during that time. And several more after their split. Currently she gets SD13 about EOWE and is fucking her cousin during those visits.
Like I said, I don't care what she does. SD13 cares and it's pretty obvious the girl is messed up because of it. She never has to marry (not sure if you can marry your cousin here) and she can fuck wheneverJust don't think SD13 needs to hear or seeit every other weekend.
ETA our first couple overnights were without the kids so I'd say closer to 8 months for an overnight with them there. Longer for an overnight involving sex.
Sd13 is at an age of
Sd13 is at an age of curiosity and probably looked up what bondage was, maybe after seeing the trailer for 50 shades of gray.
Anywho, it's still not YOUR place to dictate what BM does in HER home. You may not like the stuff that happens, but if it's not illegal, then I would move on. If anyone ever did this to me I would laugh in their face.
I deal with a crazy BM and I don't agree with how she raises ss13, or agree on how she runs her house. But it's her house, her rules, her child.
I don't care what she does.
I don't care what she does. I'm not trying to dictate anything. SO added the morality clause. I'm not positive when SD13 mentioned the bondage but she was younger. Something about after an AA meeting going to an adult toy store and waiting in the car then seeing the kit.
This is all on SO. He probably won't add it to the CO anyway.
I have nothing to do with the CO, I just type it up for him. I just wanted advice on it before taking it to a lawyer.
I'm not going to lie, I enjoy the train wreck that is herlife and I don't want to interfere with anything. It's entertaining.
SD13 has been begging her mom to stop and now she's following in her foot steps. All I had to say about it was if she gets pregnant I'm not raising the baby. Condoms can be put in the bathroom. I won't fight her parenting choices,no matter how messed up I think they are.
You can try to have the
You can try to have the morality clause put in, but it is VERY hard to enforce. Even if you have proof courts are hesitant to enforce these types of orders.
I know. I told SO he should
I know. I told SO he should just talk to BM2 about it. He wants SD13 to respect herself, BM2 isn't setting a good example for that though. He did get family therapy started it just doesn't seem to be helping with that.
With the things she's been doing we are worried she will either get kidnapped or pregnant within a few years. I know we can't change BM2 or SD13 but we are hoping to find a way to show BM2 what she's doing is hurting SD13 or show SD13 that her mom is wrong without making it look like we don't want her to love her mom.
I've been very specific with
I've been very specific with the times but didn't even think about early dismissal. I went into details with holidays and what happens for holidays, birthdays etc.
We are getting married this summer. We don't want to put marriage into the morality clause because we don't care if she gets married or not. I just don't think kids should see their parents parading men and women in and out, different ones every week too. SO has never done this. He actually never had a woman stay overnight with the kids unless they were in a long term relationship and living together. The first was his ex wife (BM1) for 5 yearswand then BM2 for nearly 10 years.
BM2 decided she doesn't want to try the week on week off schedule. I guess she thinks court will end quickly. She doesn't realize these things take time and SO will most likely keep custody during the trial. Guess she will just get weekends until it's over. SO is still planning to offer this custody arrangement but not until the trial is over now.
BM2 isn't too bright.