DH turned 4 hour visit into 14 hour visit.

So, I've been doing better since disengaging from my SD and her family. DH doing ok, too, in until he says he wants to invite GD over for supper.
Supper, turned into a 14 hour day for him with GD. He decided to take her shopping to make up for her birthday and Christmas. After dinner, he said he was going to take her home and implied he would be right back. GD had said at supper she needed to go home to study for a test on a book she had not even read yet. When she got home, she did not do what she said. DH decided to stay at her house and help clean out the dishwasher, do dishes, feed 20 chickens, etc. But he only said he was going to take her home and come back. So in the meantime, SD and husband come home while SGD and DH there, so now DH has to stay and visit. And I realize there is nothing wrong with these activities, but it's not what he said he was going to do. And he doesn't call and update his plan. I'm just supposed to know and understand. And he has to work the next day, and so do I. So, he comes sneaking in at 12 midnight and says oh, did the garage door wake you up? So this makes me crazy and I'm up half the night, can't sleep, and have to get up at 4:45 am.
I'm sure the feed back will be, oh don't let it bother you--but it did bother me.
I don't understand how DH and I can get along so well, keep each other informed about things, and then DH completely changes the way he handles things.
I'm bewildered. :? This just happens over and over, and I haven't found a way to deal with my feelings.

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I would be super pissed if SO

I would be super pissed if SO came home at midnight and didn't have the courtesy to at least call me and say he was going to be late. That was a dick move.

Thank you for affirming my

Thank you for affirming my feelings. DH doesn't see it that way. That is what bewilders me. He only argues and defends himself and SGD and SD. We get along in so many other areas. It's really confusing. :?

It's the lack of giving you

It's the lack of giving you updated plans that was rude and disrespectful of your DH. Were you just to assume he was visiting and would come home eventually or was the old fart upside down in a ditch and dead? There is no need to leave you hanging like that. All he had to do was text or call and say he would be staying to visit so you knew where he was (safe) and when he would be home. When he called you could have reminded him if he were to be late coming in to be quiet, you need to get a decent night's sleep.

He doesn't see what's wrong with what happened? Make it clear that it was the lack of knowledge of his changing the plan on impulse without updating you and his lack of regards to your needs (sleep). If he wants to occasionally go over and visit his daughter and her family, fine, be he needs to remember your own needs/life don't stop just because he's on an outing. He was rude. He needs to sincerely apologize and admit he was wrong to treat you so dismissively.

Don't make it about him visiting with his daughter, it's about how it went down. He can visit and linger at daughter's but he can't leave you clueless nor be inconsiderate upon returning.

Again, Thank you for

Again, Thank you for affirming my feelings. DH said he thought I was going to bed, so that is why he didn't call. But I think it was just an excuse. Even if I was going to bed, he knew within a half hour of getting to SGD house that he was staying. And he had to work the next morning, too. He just seems to turn into a person I don't even know when he is around SD and SG kids. Our 20 year wedding anniversary is the 25th of this month and I can't believe he still does this. I think I need to go see a therapist to be able to continue to deal with this.

I didn't call him because I

I didn't call him because I did go to bed and go to sleep. But I woke up in a startle, because I woke up before he got home and before he opened the garage door, and he was not in bed and it scared me. Usually I would call him, but I shouldn't have to. It's seems like common courtesy, that he usually practices. But like I said, he acts like a different person when he's around them. It is all about their needs and wants and he forgets all about me.