Catch-22

If I mention this to DH or SD12, they will freak the F out! So....I will tell it here (sorry) DH has been trying (hahah trying...NOT, but he claims he is) to parent SD and hold her accountable for doing the most minimum of things around the house. I'm in a real catch 22. If I dare to impose even a minor rule or enforce the few rules we have for SD, then I will catch all kinds of Hell for intervening. At the same time, I always get stuck with picking up the extra slack that an able-bodied 12 year old should really be doing. I'm talking simple things, like Don't just put you plate in the dishwasher...If you see the counters are dirty, then WIPE THEM! If you see some trash on the floor in the common areas, PICK IT UP! But no. I wouldn't allow my BD24 to cut corners and go to bed before she helped out around the house way back when she was 12. But, with SD, I just have to let it go and watch the future lazy disaster in the making.

I've come to the realization that it's better if I just suck it up, keep quiet, and clean up after the Spawn goes to bed. If it was BD, I'd be accused of being a lazy parent. But with a skid, it's the only option.

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The problem is that you end

The problem is that you end up being the maid and that's not fair! I did that and resent it and trully believe that eventually all you'll be left with is resentment as well.

I feel your pain. I also live

I feel your pain. I also live with a DH who feels he's 'parenting' SD16. Other than leaving the house briefly this weekend, the both of them have not left the couch and the living room looks like we had a party. There is so much crap laying around and DH says they will clean it, but they won't. I told him I was done parenting her and it was all on him now. So now I can't say a word when the 2 laziest people in the world destroy my house.

Do what I did when my DH

Do what I did when my DH thought his "parenting" and holding the SK's responsible for their own messes was fabulous.... I made HIM do what they "missed" like vacuuming the carpeting in their bedroom (because food wasn't allowed in bedrooms, but strangely, there were always food crumbs underneath/around the computer desk); picking up their crap, cleaning up their dishes.

I'd just casually mention, "Oh, SK didn't throw away his soda can... you better get that DH."

DH HATES housework, and hated it even more because he knew I was making a point (and winning, if I'm allowed to say that). Despite him asking his kids to clean up after themselves, they were lazy and wouldn't but tell him they did. And he'd get uber-pissed (at me, of course) if I complained to him about it, or heaven forbid tell the Two Princes to pick up myself.

DH quickly realized that if he didn't hold them accountable, I held him accountable. I didn't give a damn who cleaned it up, as long as it wasn't ME.

"Don't just put you plate in

"Don't just put you plate in the dishwasher...If you see the counters are dirty, then WIPE THEM! If you see some trash on the floor in the common areas, PICK IT UP! But no. I wouldn't allow my BD24 to cut corners and go to bed before she helped out around the house way back when she was 12. But, with SD, I just have to let it go and watch the future lazy disaster in the making."

Perhaps time to clarify and represent your house rules/chore assignments. I'll assume the way you presented it here was for brevity. However if you actually are presenting it to SD the way you did here, it indicates someone else in the home isn't doing their share. "If you see the counter dirty, then wipe it", "if you see some trash on the floor, pick it up"...unless she herself just left that counter dirty or dropped that trash on the floor, there shouldn't ne a dirty counter or trash on the floor. If someone had used the counter earlier and left it dirty, someone else isn't following the same expectation rules. If on the otherhand SD's actual 'chore' is to clean the kitchen up each and every time she uses the kitchen, the counter should be automatically wiped off after her usage. Or I her 'chore' is to clean up the kitchen after the evening family meal, again, wiping down counters would be an automatic part of that task. Just as cleaning off and wiping down the dining table would be.

For example, if the rule is when SD goes into the kitchen to get a snack made or her lunch/dinner, she is to 1)put all supplies away, 2) wipe off the counter and table, 3)rinse off and place dish/es and place in the dishwasher and 4)check floor for any dropped crumbs, trash spills ect. With #5 being the big one 'don't leave the kitchen until 1-4 have been completed.

If Dh doesn't want you to interfere and you (of course don't want to go in and clean it up entirely or after SD's 1/2 ass attempt), then DH can get of his behind and go in and inspect the kitchen after SD says she is finished and/or has been in the kitchen using it. If he wants to be the 'parent' then he has to follow through. You aren't his daughter's maid nor should you have to reclean if perchance she attempted to 1/2 do the job.

You're probably going to have to be very clear with DH. If bedtime comes around and princess has totted off to bed, you don't get up and then go clean whatever SD choose not to do and/or DH was too lazy to reinforce. No. You tell Dh since princess has went to bed then he'll now have to get up and go clean up what he choose to allow her to get away with. Stand your ground. You are not their maid.