Hmmmm... What do you think?
As I am disengaged, I am not sure how to approach this one. Next week is our March break where we live. A few weeks ago I was notified that SS 16 -BM really- had booked his driver training course during March break. That was all that was shared with me. I was annoyed, that once again I hadn't been contacted about plans, but I decided that I would take BS 15 away during March break by myself anyway. My husband decided that he would stay behind with his son. (It was his choice, he felt it wouldn't be right to leave SS16 behind)
This morning, I find out that SS 16 will be taking the course on the portion of March break that isn't on our time. So in reality, both he and my husband could join us on our vacation.
My dilemma is, do I bother mentioning to my husband that this is a possibility? Or, do I let him suffer and find out on his own that SS 16 will be free by the time we are leaving for our vacation? You see, I'm really over this nonsense of never knowing what is going on. And frankly, it would be a good lesson for my husband to learn that he had better start asking questions as well. If he had bothered for one moment to discuss with his son exactly when this driver training was taking place, he would have known that they would have been able to join us.
On the other hand, I really enjoy my husband's company. I like doing things with him. And, it's entirely reasonable to expect that he will find out I knew about this information before I left. (although it is also reasonable to think it's too late to do anything about it.)
My heart says tell him, and try to find a last minute flight so he can join me - even though the last thing I want is to spend 5 days with SS16. My mind says don't change anything. Maybe crap like this will get DH to start thinking ahead.
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This is something I struggle
This is something I struggle with too. I want to go away with DH, I don't want to go away with Skids. However, Skids and BS17 are incredibly close, so if THEY don't go, BS won't want to go.
My solution was to just rarely go away at all.
Your Skid and BS are very close in age. Do they get along? If they do, I'd tell DH and try and find a way for all of you to go together. The boys can do their own thing, you and DH can have quality time together. if they don't maybe you can play dumb.
If you are disengaged I
If you are disengaged I really don't see why you should be the one informing DH that HIS son's driving course is not clashing with YOUR vacation anymore?? Surely it is his responsibility as SS father to know when his child's driving course is and the impact thereof on the rest of the household? Furthermore as your DH it is his responsibility to know when his wife is away on vacation and to think "Gee you know what does this clash with SS driving course and if not maybe I should go on vacation with my wife and spend some time with her?"
I get that you enjoy spending time with your husband but you are not doing him any favours in the long run by letting him get use to
keeping you in the dark about plans which have an impact on the whole household and (B) teaching him that as much as he has a responsibility to SS he has a responsibility to you too and needs to check his calendar to make sure both areas of his life run smoothly.
I would say go on your vacation with BS, the penny will drop eventually with DH and maybe he will be more vigilant in the future when it comes to planning things like maybe even keeping his wife in loop?
Yes he might know you aware of the driving course dates now not clashing with your vacation -but was this something you just happen to find out by the way in conversation with SS or did DH discuss it with you?If this is something you happened upon in conversation then I would definately deny any knowledge.He might learn his lesson for the future to contact you about plans.
I'd keep my mouth shut, go
I'd keep my mouth shut, go enjoy the vacation with your son and leave the step crap behind for a few days.
I would not tell him. If you
I would not tell him. If you do he will learn only - that you will do his job for him. Enjoy the quality time with your DS.