DP is warned
Reminded him his evening that I am not making SD11s lunch. He asked if there was anything she could use for her lunch. '
Me: Yes, there are some random things (I named them) but I told her to give us a list yesterday or this morning of what she wanted and we'd make sure we had it. I never got a list.'
DP: silence and incoherent mumble.
Me: she hasn't even thought about her lunch. She HAS to FAIL and you have to let her before she will learn. She's old enough to do it herself, it's just easier for her to let someone else do it.
DP: but she likes those instant noodles...
Me: she doesn't like them in her thermos. (Her pickiness) is part of the problem. If she complains hand her a protein bar. There's stuff here she can put together.
Meanwhile SD9 never got out her lunch bag on Friday, it's still in her backpack. She's getting the old bag and d thermos. Ha!
And I didn't wash any of SD9s leggings. She got a brand new pair of REAL pants for her birthday and she's damn well going to wear them. Warned DP about that. She said she didn't have a belt which is why she hasn't worn them yet. Yeah, she's giving him an excuse. I'll see if he asks me about a belt later. No she doesn't need one.
SD9 also completely ignored me when I asked her a question earlier, with a smirk emerging on her face as I couldn't get a response and needed one. So OK then, I can now do that too. I told her it was rude and told DP in front of her when he asked what was wrong, 'oh, your daughter is just dissing me so I am done with her.' Done done done for foreseeable future.
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Good question. I've been
Good question. I've been easing out of it fairly slowly. Each time I stop doing something I let DP know and let him know why. Inevitably he agrees with me. For the time being, for example, I will only assist in making SD9 lunch. We have a very, very early schedule, and I am ok doing ONE lunch that takes me maybe 5-10 minutes. SD9 eats pretty well, so it's not as irritating. We'll phase her into making her own lunches next school year.
I balance it between what am I ok with? I constantly ask myself that question. With the pants issue, DP was all like, 'They are too big around the waist for her. Do we have a belt." No, DP, we don't have a belt. She didn't want to try them on earlier, when the issue could be solved. Therefore, she has no other clean pants, on purpose. And you know, this type of thing makes me just want to stop helping. DP, "Yes, I understand." (The pants were from him btw, I don't buy them clothes any longer, but give DP feedback only)
DP is just exhausted at the end of our weeks with them. In fact, just yesterday he was too tired to do something that was pre-planned and it was too hard to get SD9 to listen to him and get ready to go. I was PISSED. He did tell me, "I know you blame me for this." Yes, DP! It's non-parenting - it's you! I said, (SDs) don't listen to you or take you seriously. That is a problem. I'm not saying any more about that right now. And I left to do something else.
We are lucky in that we are able to talk about our feelings and thoughts freely with each other, not taking offense easily. So usually if I explain why he'll get it. He hates it, and really makes it clear he appreciates what I do, but I cannot do the disciplinarian role - and that's his big, giant, gaping weak spot.
I've explained to him several times that he's exhausted because he has to ask/plead/beg with them 10x to do something that should only happen 1 or 2 times. He's learning.
All of ^this^. The sooner
All of ^this^.
The sooner you can stop yourself from thinking it, never mind speaking it, the better your life will be. It's soooo hard to let your husband and their kids fail, but it is necessary. Good luck!
I'm actually surprised , at
I'm actually surprised , at age 11, the SD hasn't learned how to get you to stop snooping and nagging over her lunch. It's simple. All she has to do is go over to the waste barrel in the lunchroom and empty her thermos into it. Presto. Lunch all gone aka SM will never know I didn't eat it.
You're way too concentrated on this lunch thing. I don't understand why you're so upset and worried over it. If the kid doesn't eat her lunch, she doesn't eat it. It's her stomach going hungry all day. Having SD make a list yadda yadda? Seriously? If the kid wants a *hot lunch* she has three choices 1) warmed up leftovers from last evening meal, 2) hot school lunch, or 3)she can zap a can of something from the cupboard and put it in her thermos herself (think chef Boyardee, microwaveable Uncle Ben's rice along with added cubed ham, chicken noodle soup, hell, a hot dog sliced with a separate little Tupperware of relish for it). She doesn't want any of that or to put in the little effort it takes, she can smear peanut butter on two slices of bread pitch in some grapes and a baby bella and be done with it.
This isn't rocket science and no one should be knocking themselves out all upset and/or worrying about whether or not the kid wants this that or nothing. It's 'there is your lunch box, kid. Foods in the fridge and cupboard. Have a good day'. End of it.
Google lunchbox suggestions, print out a few pages , hand it to SD and SO and tell them to figure it out. You don't want to hear one more peep about school lunch, whether or not the skids ate any or if it all hit the trash bins. Enough already.
The schools here don't let
The schools here don't let kids throw away food! Pack it in, pack it out. That's how we know.
And this is exactly why I stopped as of Friday.
And this is the pickiest eater I have ever seen, ever. They don't eat sandwiches. And DP is starting to see this now as and issue.