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In the interest of full disclosure...

slice_of_slife's picture

Submitted by slice_of_slife on Wed, 02/11/2015 - 12:45pm

DW has recently been reading my blogs and maintains that my blogs are only sharing one side of the story. She does not feel that her side is being represented at all, and I see her point. So, here goes. I am trying to write this in her voice and not provide any justification for nor cast doubt on any of the comments made. I think this is how she sees it.

Background. DW earns considerably more money than I do and receives CS as opposed to paying CS, which I currently do. DW pays almost all the bills including the phone lines for me and DD 15. We live in a house purchased by DW prior to our meeting.

Kids. I do not like DW's bios as well as she likes mine. I do not engage them as much or as positively as she engages mine. I expect DW to happily play a mother told to my bios, while I want nothing to do with hers. SD15 is an excellent student and involved in lots of activities. Everyone seems to like her with the exception of me and sometimes my two older bios, reasonably an extension of my own feelings. SS22 is a lovable and innocent child, who I just like to criticize. I am just overly negative regarding them.

This last weekend was particularly difficult. I changed our bedroom door knob from a locking one to one without a lock, even though DW did not want that done. I took her phone and refused to give it back until a condition of mine was met. I lost my temper and damaged a door in an attempt to confront DW when she walked away from a disagreement. I have discussed our situation with people who I should not
I want yo go to counseling to have someone tell her that she is wrong. I write on StepTalk to get off having people tell me I am.right.

This could go on forever, but I am stopping it here. Please, tell me what you would like to tell her.

Comments

QueenBeau's picture

Submitted by QueenBeau on Wed, 02/11/2015 - 12:51pm

I stopped at "ss22 is an innnocent child"

22 is no child.

When I was 22, I was already working full time, had a 401k, & married with a stepchild.

I'm 24 now & am buying our 2nd home & have a 3 month old son.

22 is no child.

AllySkoo's picture

Submitted by AllySkoo on Wed, 02/11/2015 - 12:59pm

I'll tell you to have her come read the comments first hand, so nothing gets lost in translation. Smile

So, DW, here's what I'd say. The money thing is a non-issue, or should be. I also make significantly more than my DH, and pay most of the household bills. So what? I knew what he made when I married him, and I don't take on bills I can't afford. If the money bothered me I wouldn't have married him. (Actually, I suspect this is your DH throwing this in and not something that you are particularly bothered about.) Moving on.

Kids. That's wonderful that you like his kids! I (mostly) like my steps as well. But people (including kids and spouses) are all different, and just because YOU like Person A doesn't mean jack when it comes to your DH liking Person B. They're just not related in any way, shape or form. Know what IS related? How your DH treats other people. So, is he "fair" between his own kids and yours? Does he expect both of them to study? Do chores? Give them both Christmas presents? And if you don't want him to "parent" your kids, then don't compare the type of parent he is to his OWN kids to how he treats yours - apples and oranges. What would his reaction be if one of the neighbor kids was rude to him? Does he react the same / better / worse than he does when your kids are rude to him? You CANNOT judge your DH's feelings by how YOU are feeling. You can only judge his actions towards your kids by how he treats other kids. And you most definitely CANNOT demand that he "love" your kids - the most you can do is demand that both he and your children treat each other courteously. (But if you don't hold your kids to that, don't try to hold your DH to it either.)

This weekend. What the what, now??? He altered the door to YOUR bedroom, in a house that YOU pay for, against your wishes? He took your damn phone??? And then punched a hole in a wall? Are you married to a CHILD? Or does he think YOU'RE one?!? Get thee to counseling, and pronto. NONE of that is healthy. (Honestly, the phone thing bugs me the most. That just smacks of him thinking he controls you, which is... a huge red flag. Counseling. For serious.)

4GETABOUTIT's picture

Submitted by 4GETABOUTIT on Wed, 02/11/2015 - 1:42pm

You taking her phone is foul and a bullying tactic. Further why change a locked door to an unlocked door? Discussing your personal business on the internet annonymously is one thing. Airing your dirty laundry to friends/family is wrong. If in fact, you damaged a door in a fit of anger, I'd be worried. You sound like you have a violent and controlling streak. I for one wouldn't put up with that kind of drama.

Jsmom's picture

Submitted by Jsmom on Wed, 02/11/2015 - 2:18pm

This is weird to say the least. If you damaged a door, shame on you. Not sure why you would not want a lock on your door. Every master should have a lock. How else do you have sex???

If she has a problem with you venting on here, she should find a blog that works for her. If she is a stepmom, she can set up her own account.

slice_of_slife's picture

Submitted by slice_of_slife on Wed, 02/11/2015 - 4:16pm

Yes, this is OP and not DW. I am not sure of the reason for posting this blog, possibly out of guilt for my bad behavior. Yes it was wrong to damage the door and I was being childish. I did not punch it, I pushed on it. There is no excuse.

Regarding the rest, I will try to give an unbiased timeline. I attempted to
Our bedroom at approximately 8 a.m., after a lengthy discussion with DW. The door was locked, something I feel has been happening a lot lately. DW was taking a shower in the bathroom behind another lockable door. I did not engage her. I decided to change the knob with another one to prevent this happening again. DW emerged from the shower and asked what I was doing. When I explained to her what I was doing, she said she did not want that to be done. I replied that I thought the door was locked too often and that if she wanted to change it back she could. She walked over to the computer and said, "Fine I am shutting your phone off since I pay for it." I finished changing the knob and walked away. When I returned several minutes later my phone was not where I had left it. I asked DW about it and got no resolution. I stated that I needed to make a calk to my children regarding some transportation plans, and I picked up her phone. Some time later when she asked for her phone back I said that I wanted my phone. She dug my phone out of a box in the back of her closet and attempted to hand it to me. I checked to see if the phone would work and it did not because she had indeed disconnected the service. I said she would not be getting her phone back until mine was reconnected she got in her car and drove to the phone store and started to buy a new phone for herself. She also put a password on our account so I could not reactivate my phone I knew that she had gone to the store so I went there and told her she could have her phone back she took it back but did not reactivate my phone until sometime later, after I mentioned that I would share her texs that she had sent me insulting my son and me with her mothee. I dinot know what else to do to be able to contact yhr people I needed to contact.