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Keeping Quiet

FMSL's picture

Submitted by FMSL on Mon, 02/02/2015 - 1:04pm

I am so so so so so so tired of not being able to discuss any small simple thing concerning SD12 without DH pitching a fit. I can't say I'm worried about her doing this, or I think she needs that.... I can't warn him of his guilty dad actions. Even as a fulltimer, it's still just none of my business I guess. It just hurts to always have to keep my mouth shut about what goes on in my own house. Internalizing this stress is killing me.

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hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Mon, 02/02/2015 - 1:15pm

It would take a needle and thread for me to keep my mouth shut. Especially if she lived with us.

jstorie's picture

Submitted by jstorie on Mon, 02/02/2015 - 1:28pm

I understand you completly after 7 years, i found i can't shut up and my marriage and my sanity are in trouble now. Im in envy that you can hold it in....

just.his.wife's picture

Submitted by just.his.wife on Mon, 02/02/2015 - 1:32pm

WHYYYYY are you keeping quiet????

No no no!!!! The squeaky wheel is the one that gets the oil. YOU my dear must squeak FAR louder than the kid/xwife/inlaws do!!

I USED to keep quiet, shut up and paid half of everything despite the fact my kids didnt live in the house. (In truth about 80%)

Then the straw broke the camels back. I threw the hissy fit to end ALL hissy fits.

I assure you, my DH is FAR FAR FAR more scared of pissing ME off than of Pissing off any other relative, kid, exwife, any form of law enforcement, any terrorist organization and he would rather have root canals on all teeth without novacaine than see me reenact my fit of fits: "Everything just hit the trashcan and shes cussing in five languages, shit is flying thru the air ... holy crap I think she just said she was going to castrate me! Crap now BM and all the skids are arrested and in JAIL... oh shit oh shit oh shit!"

I fully encourage you to utterly lose your SHIT all over your husbands head.
Think of it this way. The BM gives him shit and he caves and she gets her way.
The kids give him shit and he caves and the kids get their way.

You treat him kindly and with love and respect and apply logic and common sense and he freaks out.
These idiots are USED to being abused and told what to do/what they can or cannot do.
It's like a wild animal. They are not used to kindness, logic, commonsense or compromise.
And when you whip that out on them it SCARES them so they react by being ASSHOLES.

Now, whip out the ONE form of fighting that they do understand.
Completely unrestrained overly dramatic nonsensical hysteronics. Toss in ALOT of tears, burn a shirt or three of his to add some seasoning/flavor and see if the dumb ass doesn't just come right around to your way of thinking!

4GETABOUTIT's picture

Submitted by 4GETABOUTIT on Mon, 02/02/2015 - 3:26pm

^^^THIS^^^ These men don't respond to civility. Act like a nut and you will get the royal treatment. It's what they're used to.

4GETABOUTIT's picture

Submitted by 4GETABOUTIT on Mon, 02/02/2015 - 3:27pm

.

Unfreakingreal's picture

Submitted by Unfreakingreal on Mon, 02/02/2015 - 1:32pm

That's why I started venting on here. There were many things DH used to do that used to drive me INSANE. Speaking my mind would spark huge arguments time and time again. I finally found this site and when I was able to bitch and moan about it here, I was able to put it behind me and leave DH and his "ways" alone. Eventually, I too learned how to navigate the conversations in a way that wouldn't incite fights. We are much better because of it.

Unfreakingreal's picture

Submitted by Unfreakingreal on Mon, 02/02/2015 - 3:04pm

Time and Steptalk. I am talking about my problems. Albeit, to a bunch of people whose names I do not know but I am talking about the things that hurt, bother, upset me. Talking about them helps. I let it ALL out here and I am able to then come home and feel relieved because I was able to speak about it with my ST friends and I get advice and I get thoughts and solutions that I otherwise would not get. The things DH would do were things that many of the DH's here do. They parent out of guilt, they try and pacify the BM's to avoid the kids getting pulled away. They do those things out of love for their children and when I was able to understand the WHY, I was able to understand the HOW of how to help him.
We've been together almost 15 years so that has a lot to do with it too. I'm invested in this relationship and I did not want to throw it away over something FIXABLE.

Glassslipper's picture

Submitted by Glassslipper on Mon, 02/02/2015 - 5:23pm

me too, this place helped me because every time I spoke up at home DH Defensiveness blowout would cause a fight. So I stopped talking about it.
He was free and clear to pound and drill and nag me about my bio's but if you said one thing about his or BM, OMG he would rip right into you...
So now I'm here, and life is better...

FMSL's picture

Submitted by FMSL on Mon, 02/02/2015 - 2:18pm

Yep, I'm fkd. Controlling DH and manipulative SD. Bad equation and a mixture for disaster. At this point in life, after losing so much to DH, I just feel helpless and have no where to turn.

FMSL's picture

Submitted by FMSL on Mon, 02/02/2015 - 3:23pm

Oh and it doesn't help at all when DH keeps saying, "Why are you so concerned about matters involving MY daughter?" Last time I checked, this daughter of his plays a significant role in the daily actions/interactions of my entire world since I gave up my career to be with DH and be a SAHM.