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Keeping the pregnancy a secret (No not me... its an article)

zerostepdrama's picture

Submitted by zerostepdrama on Fri, 01/09/2015 - 12:08pm

https://www.yahoo.com/parenting/why-im-keeping-my-pregnancy-a-secret-fro...

What do you ladies think of what the author is doing?

Comments

Ninji's picture

Submitted by Ninji on Fri, 01/09/2015 - 12:12pm

The man deserves to know he has a child. This affects so many people. Him, his parents, future children. This BM is being selfish.

mommy0104's picture

Submitted by mommy0104 on Fri, 01/09/2015 - 12:21pm

I think she's being selfish..not wanting to tell the father simply because she doesn't want a connection with him anymore. I also think she has some "daddy" issues and the father of this child is paying the price. But if there's a bright side, at least she's keeping his contact info just in case..but IMO, i don't agree with her.

fakemommy's picture

Submitted by fakemommy on Fri, 01/09/2015 - 12:22pm

Honestly, I would make the same decision, especially it being someone overseas. As awful as it sounds, when I was was ending a relationship with a bad boyfriend, if I had been pregnant I would have raised the baby alone or with my ex bf/best friend at that time. My friend knew my plan and would have gladly raised the baby as his own. The bf was an awful person and would have been an awful father (and his family was crazy). I wouldn't want my kid to suffer because of my mistake if I could help it. Selfish? Maybe, but I don't care.

moeilijk's picture

Submitted by moeilijk on Fri, 01/09/2015 - 12:34pm

Being ok with raising a child alone is a far different cry from not informing someone they have a child.

I can see the mom wanting to avoid the drama... but IMHO it's just a very early confrontation with the fact that having a baby is not about me.

And I guess the more promiscuous women would have difficulty tracking down the random stranger they banged without birth control anyways.

new to this's picture

Submitted by new to this on Fri, 01/09/2015 - 12:23pm

There was a time in my life (before stephell) that I would have said this was selfish but today not so much.

zerostepdrama's picture

Submitted by zerostepdrama on Fri, 01/09/2015 - 12:24pm

Here are my "pros" and "cons" to NOT telling the dad.

The "pros" to not telling dad are all things I would take into consideration, if in this situation.

Pros:

What dad doesnt know, wont hurt him. (or his family or his future children)
They were basically strangers. Very unlikely that their paths will ever cross again.
Dad could be a crazy person.
As a mother, I couldnt imagine having to send my child over seas with a person I dont even know. (visitation)
Similar to sperm donation???

Cons:

Selfish- baby and dad will never know each other. And if it ends up a later in life thing where they found out about eachother, I think that would cause more issues.

Health issues- dad may have health issues that could get passed to baby and it would be beneficial for the mom to know for the safety of the baby.

Baby should know who her dad is and dad should know he has a baby out in the world.

*****

Both were stupid in having unprotected sex. I'm no prude, if 2 adults want to have consenual sex with no strings attached- fine- but at least be safe about it.

Sounds in a way that this mother wanted to get pregnant and by someone she wouldnt have to hold accountable.

SecondGeneration's picture

Submitted by SecondGeneration on Fri, 01/09/2015 - 12:25pm

Totally wrong.
I agree that in these situations that the women should be able to contact the fathers and if they dont want to be involved and the women still want to keep the child then the men should be able to sign away their parental rights and CS obligations because ultimately if a man wants to keep a baby and the woman doesnt, she can go have an abortion, but if its the other way round the man is expected to just "deal" with it.

The basic right of any person is to have access to their history, we see time and time again how some people are so massively affected by not knowing their own heritage. Yes many people grow up fine but some continue with incredible insecurities. Why? Because mummy wants to play happy families on her own and doesnt want to share the kids?

This lady is using her own issues and projecting on her unborn child. Robbing that child and robbing that man of the ability to have a relationship is downright wrong and frankly should be able to prosecute for it.

moeilijk's picture

Submitted by moeilijk on Fri, 01/09/2015 - 12:30pm

Agreed.

On top of that, she goes on quite a bit about how 'independent' she is... including having no one to turn to when her mother passed away.

What kind of person is *that* independent? Being single is one thing, having no one to talk to when your mom dies, telling your 'friends' via email about your pregnancy... that's a whole nother kettle of fish. And why would you WANT to bring a child into that cold, lonely world?

I get it, casual sex is never going to go out of style. But this guy now has progeny, may be hit at any time with an order for CS, and has had no idea or say in the matter... not ok.

To be fair, though, if I was the guy having casual sex, I'd be wearing a condom since pregnancy is just one side effect of sex with people you don't know.

zerostepdrama's picture

Submitted by zerostepdrama on Fri, 01/09/2015 - 1:09pm

Because of her back story and how she didnt see herself with a husband, that makes me think she did it on purpose.

blueorblackink's picture

Submitted by blueorblackink on Fri, 01/09/2015 - 10:22pm

I never tried to get pregnant. EVER. I have 3 children. I was on BC for two.

Some women just get pregnant easily. I know that is painful to hear when you have fertility issues, but it is true.

zerostepdrama's picture

Submitted by zerostepdrama on Fri, 01/09/2015 - 1:08pm

Not to be TMI- I had been on bc for YEARS. Got off- moved to different city, needed to get in to see my doctor, etc. Ex and I used condoms, every single time. 1 time we didnt use one and he even pulled out- BAM Preggers! I think its like the only time I had sex without a condom (when not pregnant or on birth control).

My sister and BIL used the pull out method for 10 years!!!! Decided to try and get pregnant, got pregnant right away.

So crazy.

ChiefGrownup's picture

Submitted by ChiefGrownup on Fri, 01/09/2015 - 12:59pm

Absolutely dreadful. The man at least made an attempt to establish birth control was in place. That places him a giant step ahead of a woman who flat out lied to him.

I don't care what the woman wants. She sounds completely screwed up. She didn't want a child to have a father to belittle it, really? That's what fathers are for? I wonder what the real story is about her own dad. She sounds like she may have a personality disorder, she certainly has trouble with truth.

The baby has a right to both her parents. In this case, she's going to desperately need that Irish dad to mitigate the crazy of her mom. Imagine a 15 year old girl screaming, "How come you never let me have a dad?!" "Oh, sweetums, I was afraid he might belittle you one day. Do you have to whine and go on about it? I swear, you really are a very whiny kid."

This girl is lying to her readers, too. She wanted that anonymous pregnancy. She wants a baby to be her companion throughout life so she doesn't have to be alone any more since she can't manage actual relationships with other adults. Poor, poor, little baby.

ChiefGrownup's picture

Submitted by ChiefGrownup on Fri, 01/09/2015 - 1:45pm

I thought he asked beforehand. Regardless, him at least asking still puts him a giant step ahead of LYING. And doing it KNOWING FOR CERTAIN you have no protection.

ChiefGrownup's picture

Submitted by ChiefGrownup on Fri, 01/09/2015 - 4:35pm

Did she have this "morning after" pill smuggled in her luggage when she arrived in Ireland? Not likely she could saunter on down to the local Walgreen's and ask the friendly pharmacist for one in Dublin. They are very serious about their reproductive laws in Ireland. So there's another one for Miss Truth As It Suits Me.

Thanks for reminding me.

Totalybogus's picture

Submitted by Totalybogus on Fri, 01/09/2015 - 1:10pm

The thing that struck me was that she'll keep his contact information in case she changes her mind. THAT is the problem. I think if she wants to raise the child by herself, fine, but she has to forever stay away from the guy. It isn't fair to any of them for her to just change her mind.

blayze's picture

Submitted by blayze on Fri, 01/09/2015 - 5:23pm

Exactly! I lost a friend over this. She told me about how she was so I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T when she had her daughter against the wishes of the father (phuck-buddy). She had told him that she wasn't able to get pregnant at 40+ after gastric bypass surgery. Then when she got pregnant, she told him he wouldn't have to contribute at all because she had a successful career. Well guess who she called when she lost her $80,000 per year job? And guess who has to pay $700 a month to a psycho BM now that the kid is in first grade? When she told me that story, my phone started to malfunction every time she called me. What an asshole!

Unfreakingreal's picture

Submitted by Unfreakingreal on Fri, 01/09/2015 - 1:40pm

Imagine if her answer had been "Well, I have this little thing called HIV, but the odds of you getting it are slim to none."
:jawdrop:

Gabriels Mom's picture

Submitted by Gabriels Mom on Sat, 01/10/2015 - 12:11pm

This is horrible. My mom did this to me. She got knocked up and had me. Never told my biodad. He died when I was 2. She never told his family. Told me all sorts of lies about how crazy his family was. I found them when I was 31. They are devastated that they didn't know about me. I can also say it's been hard to get to know them. Harder I think than if I had found them when I was a kid. I had a great dad. Don't get me wrong. I love my dad. But it's nice to know my bio family too.