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am i wrong?

DawnNichole's picture

Submitted by DawnNichole on Thu, 01/08/2015 - 6:06am

Since my SD who is 19 has tried to physically assault me on top of all of the other disrespectful things she has done, would I be wrong to tell my SO that I want her out of our house or I am leaving?
I have to stay that before the physical attack came into the picture I have wanted to have the talk about her moving out just because A) She is disrespectful about everything Dirol she doesn't follow any house rules, C) she doesn't set a good example for my 6 yr old biological daughter. By that I mean, how she dresses for bed with her boyfriend in her room,language that she uses,etc. I have also overheard her assuming the "parent role" with my daughter..telling her to do something or trying to teach bd a lesson by scolding her. SD19 has not only accused me of treating her bad, but I have also overheard she talking to my other SD and SS telling them that Dad(my SO) treats my BD better than he treats them. BD is 6! She doesn't get treated better but there is a difference in what a 6yr old needs compared to a 19 yea old.

Also to add to this, SD who is 17 used to live with us, she had a boyfriend that would spend ALL OF HIS TIME at out house..he would take showers here,keep clothes here, even be here when SD was at school and since he worked with my SO, instead of going home after work he would wait at our house. Not to mention that SD and boyfriend were constantly latched on to each other,gazing in each others eyes,holding each other as if they were living the the last moment of their lives..just over the top and nothing that any parent or step parent wants to see. So after I had enough, I told my SO that I thought they were spending too much time together and that some serious rules needed to go Into action and he was entirely onboard and a dressed the issues we had with SD17. Of course she didn't take kindly to the new rules and ended up moving out to go live with her mom. Now here's my new problem, SD19 has her boyfriend who is basically living with us..and because she's 19, its considered to be OK. I can't bring myself to agree with this...how should I go about addressing it? SD19 uses the "I'm 19, I'm an adult" and I don't think my SO really has a comeback to that...but our house,our rules and I don't want any of our girls shacking up with their boyfriends under our roof!

Comments

Sports Fan's picture

Submitted by Sports Fan on Thu, 01/08/2015 - 6:23am

Your SD19 is an adult. However, that does not give her the right to be disrespectful and not follow your household rules. If anything, she should be showing more responsibility and maturity. I would of had her arrested if she had assaulted me. You have every right to set the rules for your house. You need to have a discussion with your SO and come to an agreement about what the rules for SD are going to be if she continues to live with you or whether she is going to continue to live with you at all. You then need to tell her what you decide and she's either on board or moves out.

DawnNichole's picture

Submitted by DawnNichole on Thu, 01/08/2015 - 7:36am

I have asked the same question to my SO..why is OK for SD19 to have a boyfriend stay at the house when we battled that same issue with SD17 and stood our ground to the point that made her want to move out. Apparently the "19 and an adult" phrase makes the situation different in his eyes. I'm sure that he doesn't truly believe this, I believe that it is morethat he doesn't want another one of his kids to choose their mom over him.
My view is, our house, our rules. Whether your 6,16,17.19 or 21. We have younger kids in the house and an example has to bet set. Older siblings should be setting a example for the younger ones. What kind of example is SD19 setting for the others and what kind of example are we setting as parents for allowing it to happen. Basically by allowing SD19 to have her boyfriend stay we are just saying SD17 can't have her boyfriend stay now..but come back in a year wen or 18 and considered an adult and you can do as you please. This all is a very tough situation for me because I don't want my SO to feel like I'm slowly trying to get rid of his kids one by one but I just cannot let myself be OK or overlook the behavior.

zerostepdrama's picture

Submitted by zerostepdrama on Thu, 01/08/2015 - 7:29am

You are an adult. You dont have to live with anyone that you dont want to live with. I sure in hell wouldnt waste my precious time on Earth living in a crappy situation. I'd have a serious talk with your SO.

HotMess's picture

Submitted by HotMess on Thu, 01/08/2015 - 7:54am

Um, you leave without even giving an ultimatum because SO stood by while his daughter attacked you.

blayze's picture

Submitted by blayze on Thu, 01/08/2015 - 11:56am

Thank you. The only words necessary at this point are: "Bye b!tch"
...to either the man or his 19 year old adult.

amackeral's picture

Submitted by amackeral on Thu, 01/08/2015 - 11:17am

19year oldss BF staying there shouldn't be allowed, period. Even though she is an adult, it's your house, you and SO pay the bills. She doesn't get to make the rules.

If someone's kid attacked me physically, there would be charges pressed or they would have been removed from my house, by their father or the police, their choice. Adult or not, that did not give her the right to lay her hands on you.

I would suggest sitting down with your SO, without any kids around, and tell him what you expect. Rules and expectations for his kids. If he can't at least meet you halfway, then you have some tough choices to make. I read you say things were perfect before his kids moved in with you but it sounds like such a poisonous situation now that you have to protect yourself and your bio daughter above all. You can love him all you want but if he doesn't love you enough to protect and respect you (and make his kids respect you as the other adult in the house), then it's not a healthy relationship for you to be in sadly.