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A warning ...

simifan's picture

Submitted by simifan on Sun, 01/04/2015 - 10:52pm

A warning ....
For those of you who think you have a good relationship with your Skid, please do not be fooled. My SD20 has legally changed her name to her Stepdad's name. DH is heartbroken. Stepdad is one of the several men BM cheated with. The worse, in fact, given he was DH's friend and college roommate at the time. DH & I have never bad mouthed BM for this or any of the other one million things she did to make SD's life a disaster...

This red headed hussy - although DH & I met when SD was 3 & DH & BM's relationship 2 years dissolved helped DH with his EOWE custody and SD with whatever she needed. DH attended parent teacher conferences, IEP's, called teachers, etc. even though we lived 1 1/2 hours away.

DH & I raised her when BM abandoned her to move 800 miles as BM "needed to get away" , and did our best to see she had the skills necessary to survive in the real world. We handled all the everyday issues. We stayed up late at night talking about boys and friends and all the issues teenagers have. I thought we were close and solid. Dh & I helped her graduate, get a job and go to college.

When SD barely passed her first year in college and decided it was not for her - we gave her a year to get her life together & move on. SD choose to move to BM's couch rather then put her big girl panties on. The number of times DH or I spoke to SD in the year and 1/2 since could be counted on one hand.

DH & I are evil incarnate. I have no idea why. The worst we did - sent her own Doctor bill to pay, asked her to come to her grandparent funerals (she missed grandfather and grandmother's though she took the car she was left), and deleted her from the dreaded facebook because we were tired of seeing her reach out to everyone else & treat us like dog shit on the bottom of her shoe.

I would never wish the heartache I feel on anyone else & I can't even imagine the pain DH feels. Learn from my mistakes, nurture will not overcome nature. Biology plays a far more aggressive role then actually doing right by a child. There are studies with twins raised completely apart but are roughly 85% the same demographics. We are not at fault & we will not overcome BM's influence and bad genetics. Learn from my mistakes...

Comments

Nette5's picture

Submitted by Nette5 on Sun, 01/04/2015 - 11:31pm

I'm waiting for the day my SS18 does the same thing, change his name to his SF. Hey, maybe SD16 will eventually change her name to her BMs... then my child can truly be an only child. We haven't heard or seen SD in 1yr 7 mths and she is told to call when she's ready to come back... looks like she's not ready.

DH has released the 2 older kids as lost causes and has moved on with his life in peace. I don't know how he did it... maybe helps that the in-laws dropped any contact with us at the same time SS left. We are a tight unit of 3 and I am sometimes amazed at DH's strength.

I think I hurt more at the betrayal of SS18 who did similar to your SD than my DH... we had custody for 4 yrs of SS and as soon as he could find a way to make himself a victim and get DH so fed up that SS got kicked out, we haven't heard a word from SS18 in almost 9 months.

Sad that the only reason we got custody was due to SS sexually abusing 3 of his 4 siblings (and others), and his stupid BM knew about the first incident years before my BS was abused and came forward, and she did NOTHING to get him help or do anything to make things better. Probation refused to release SS until DH had custody and his BM dropped off the face of the earth because she lost control.
Now, they are tight and we are scum. I know I can hold my head high knowing that we did more than enough to help this child and the consequences are on SS and his BM.

Sorry about my tangent... sometimes it all gets to be too much to hold in.

CompletelyPuzzled's picture

Submitted by CompletelyPuzzled on Mon, 01/05/2015 - 3:38am

I am sorry your DH is going through such a painful situaiton. This is my DH's worst fear. The SDs already refer to their SF as dad. Both men are involved in their lives. And, BM has pushed the SDs to think of their SF as their real father. She went as far as to send DH a letter asking him to allow the SF to adopt them. That went over really well.

WTF...REALLY's picture

Submitted by WTF...REALLY on Mon, 01/05/2015 - 11:28am

This is exactly what I feel will happen. We have full custody of SD13. We are doing all the work. And I mean all of it!

If BM so much as calls, she is a rock star in SD eyes. She buys her one shirt and that means she is again a rock star even though we bought the whole dang wardrobe.

I can just see thus happening to us and I feel resentment at times for the future. Its not right on my part, but I just feel in my bones we are gonna get shit on when she is in her twenties.