Well. That's it.
Tried to talked to DH about his behavior with DD and SGD. It became a list of everything he doesn't like about me. I'm controlling, I don't let him do anything blah blah blah
It ended with me telling him to never speak to my child the way he did. He responded with fine I just won't say anything ever. Told him it sounds good to me.
He is very well aware... Plan is he doesn't move with me for new job.
He wanted to come at me later, I just told him he is only upset because for this he was always in control. 1st wife had FauxSD and his BD. He ran the show. She didn't parent or take care of the kids. 2nd wife. He had FauxSD and BD. He would pull the "they are my kids" card. In our relationship he had SGD until a couple of months ago. He would always tell me I'm not her parent. My response to that became the same. Nope, I'm not. But when what she does effects my kids, my animals and me... Either you take care of it or I will. Now, DD and BS are mine. I have tried to have him be a part of it. But I don't want a SF that does everything for them. Help DD with her homework?? He would give answers. That doesn't help her. I asked him to help, not do. Then I became negative and controlling.
I was told last night he apparently has plans on Christmas Eve that don't include me. And I didn't even find out from him.
Anyways. None of that matters at this point. I'm just trying to figure out if I drive 4 hours to my brothers 2 days before Christmas??? I have to be back Sunday for kid exchange. but then I can be gone another week.
What is better for the kids?? Leave town for Christmas without him?? Or stay home and pretend for them??? What gives them a better Christmas?!?!?
Count down begins
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Comments
Leave town. After all that
Leave town. After all that has happened you need a break from him. I would think your kids also need some away time. I'm sure the drive can provide some uninterrupted time for you and your kids to talk and figure some things out.
I am so glad you are putting everything in perspective. You tried to talk to him and it went nowhere. I would start planning for your move without him.
Hugs
Leave leave leave. And
Leave leave leave. And leave. And don't ever go back.
Roadtrip.
Roadtrip.
Calling my brother in the
Calling my brother in the morning. I just had 5 friends tell me the same thing.
Can't wait for February. This is going to be the MOST stressful 2 months on the planet. Watching DD like a hawk, getting ready to move, having to stay in the house, new job, new place. UGH!!!!!
But you know what?!?! We can spend 5 days with my family before bios go to BF and then I can go back for a week. Sooooo looks like I get a 2 week break!!!! From now on every weekend I have them we are leaving to my brothers.
I was told tonight by my counselor (who has met alone with H but was for me for no patient confidents.) that after talking with DD, H hasn't tried anything with her, but he wonders everything I do now. Was he talking about our marriage to SGD? Was he complaining to SGD about me and bios?!?! Counselor said that is all that makes sense. And counselor told me he has seen a change in H the last year (as have I). I was asked if I asked him what he is hiding from me would I get an answer. No. Are you kidding me?!?! But it is very clear by recent behavior he is hiding something and is treatySGD special to make up for something.
When I tried today to talk about the issue of SGD... He actually told me all of the kids in that house have other grandparents that buy for them. She "only has him"... God how many times have I heard that bullshit?!?!? I'm all she has. So he has to make up for the other grandparents?!?!?! I asked him how he thinks him showing favoritism to one child is the right thing to do?!?! My kids don't have any fucking grandparents buying for them.
You know, I can't make sense
You know, I can't make sense of his crazy and it's driving me crazy. I need to go just to keep myself sane. Does that make any freakening sense?!?!
Once upon a time, I was in a
Once upon a time, I was in a situation where it seemed as if everything I believed was turned on it's ear. I used the word: "Crazy-making" and it fit.
Sounds like you're in a crazy-making period. Protect yourself and your kidlets. Acknowledge the crazy factor and keep moving forward.
BTW: I love roadtrips. BS-now-13 has always been more chatty when we drive ... Life ... what does a worm's digestive system look like ... and ... MineCraft ... and X-Box ...and friends ... and losing his Papa ... and his brother/sisters who are now in the Ukraine. BS discusses Life issues from his perspective.
Accept your commute and celebrate the opportunity to hear how a child's mind really works ...
My bios and I used to do this
My bios and I used to do this drive once a month or everyother month for years!!! My brother and his wife are more then family. They are my friends and their house has always been my safe zone. I LOVE going with them. Once we took the train and they loved it!!!!
Yes, it does. You have been
Yes, it does. You have been processing this for some time - it is all coming together now. Don't waste your time trying to understand him - there is no understanding him. You know something is off about him - that is all you need to know. He is a potential threat to your children. Spend your time figuring out the best way to get out.
Everything I have posted has
Everything I have posted has been true. He use to be really good at twisting my thoughts and feelings until I came up with he has to be the knight in shining armor. He has to be needed and I don't need him, so he latched on to SGD. But that was to much. And then with me, he wanted me to be her mom. Be involved with school, and everything. But when I asked him to help with bios, I would get well what about SGD?!? I'm all she has. So then I tried to get DD in big brothers big sisters. She never really bonded with BF even when we were still married she has always been a mamas girl but I know she is getting to the age I have less influence so I wanted something else for her. He got all pouty about how I'm making him feel bad. Blah blah blah. I told him, you don't want the position because all you care about is SGD, so don't worry about how I fill it.
There are sooo many times he has pushed me and my kids aside for SGD and then expected me to push bios aside for her as well. I'm all for disengaging but you can only go so far when your bios see the favoritism. He actually told SGD at one point "just stay in your room while I'm gone and you won't get in trouble" are you fing kidding me?!?!?!
There are sooo many examples.
He has told me many times everyone treats him like a mushroom and keeps him in the dark. OSD and YSD talk to me about their lives and just sugar coat everything to him. Now I know why no one talks to him. You can't. Everything can and will be used against you.
Leave. Take your roadtrip.
Leave. Take your roadtrip. When you go back, go back when he isn't there, pack your stuff, and leave permanently.
Take your pets or board them.
Take your pets or board them.
This is not possible. I tried
This is not possible. I tried when I read this. I have a zoo. 4 cats, 2 dogs, 6 chickens, and. Chameleon. DD has a bunny. BS has a snake, a chameleon and a bird. I can take some but not all and I can't board some of the others. I'm going to check around and see if I can't take a couple of them to friends. Thank you for thinking of my other children.