A SM is at fault. Of course. Wonder what the truth is.
SD15 just announced, after looking at an incoming text, that a friend from school just had her cat put down tonight because "her stepmom fed the cat the wrong things."
The hair on the back of my neck rose on end. Knowing SD15's version of things that happen here or even at her mother's, I figure this pal of hers is about the same. It made my blood run cold to think of the conversations the two of them are having about their wicked stepmothers and how the stories they tell each other now will become cemented in their memories as truth for the rest of their lives.
Thank heaven my DH reeled her in saying things like she didn't really know what caused the cat's rapid decline or what it was fed by whom.
Nevertheless, I'm guessing that will go in one ear and out the other like everything else sane her dad tries to tell her.
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It's good to hear that your
It's good to hear that your husband at least tried to set her straight. If this happened with my SD and I pointed it out to my husband, he would defend SD to the no end saying, "But that's what SD and her friend said so it must be true." There would be no chance that he would even consider that two teenage girls might be misconstruing the truth and choosing to believe what they want.
Yes, it definitely was good
Yes, it definitely was good to hear him do that. Sorry your DH wouldn't do it. There was a time my DH may not have done so, either. He has come a long way.
Oh yes, that is my ex-OH as
Oh yes, that is my ex-OH as well. SD said the sky is bright red today and SD DOES NOT TELL LIES!
YOU and YOUR child must be lying because MY CHILD DOES NOT LIE!
regardless of the fact that she has been caught out at it SOOOOOO many times it's not funny. Kid couldn't lie straight in bed.
"the stories they tell each
"the stories they tell each other now will become cemented in their memories as truth for the rest of their lives."
That's not necessarily true. Lots of people were complete hellions as teens, but turn out to be decent adults. People here have admitted they were hellions as teens, and even to their dads and SMs as teens. But they have turned out to be good people with now good relationships with those dads and SMs. Your SD might surprise you. I know people who put their parents through hell on earth when they were teens, but they've turned out to be decent people. Heck, people here have even admitted their SDs have matured as young adults.
As an adult, I know that at least 50% of the shit my friends and I said as teens wasn't true. Our raging, growing hormones blew everything out of proportion. That stuff sure as hell wasn't cemented in our memories as truth for the rest of our lives.
I hope you are right. I'll
I hope you are right. I'll believe it when I see it. Right now I'm predicting her BM's influence and genetic legacy will be way too strong for that.
^^^^^^^^^^ Amen, aswang.
^^^^^^^^^^ Amen, aswang.
So true!
So true!
My first thought about the
My first thought about the cat, Wounder what excuse the sd has for not feeding her own cat! If the cat starved to death I am sure that would be sm's fault too!
That's what I was thinking,
That's what I was thinking, too. That kid probably is feeling guilty that she fed the cat something she was told not to and now is trying to blame it on the SM and is trying to make herself believe it, too.
Oh, lordy, doesn't it chill the blood to think of 2 fifteen year old girls with their heads bent together defaming stepmothers? **Shudders**
Update to the Cat Killing SM
Update to the Cat Killing SM --
SD15 and DH went to bed way after I did last night. This morning DH tells me, "I don't think you heard, but it turns out the stepmom didn't have anything to do with the cat's troubles."
Ooooooooh, yeaaaaaaaaahhhhhh.
So I thanked him for sticking up for stepmoms and expressed my fear of what those two girls were egging each other on to say and believe about stepmoms. He put the reverse spin on it that maybe SD15 will get some perspective that her sm (me) is pretty good. Well, for one thing, it is certainly true that even SD15 knows that I am nothing but wonderful to her dog, far more wonderful than she or her BM are. Sigh.
Anyway, the other SM has been exonerated! And what holy hell those 2 little girls must be cooking up about that poor woman!
I commend your DH for setting
I commend your DH for setting the record straight. This one goes to the SMs' team! What a way for young girls to bond - over hating their SMs! ( on another note altogether, are you familiar with Bonjour, Tristesse? It touches on similar themes. I once gave that book as a gift to my French-leaning YSD in an entirely ironic twist. That's a subject for another post).
My own example of this nature - the bogus lament, Aren't SMs the WORST??? - came from my YSD who at the time must have been 15-16, and an absolute clone of BM. BM's mother had died about 5 years earlier, and her father, YSD's grandfather, had a live-in GF who functioned as his caretaker - the guy was not doing well at all.
One time when YSD came back after visiting him several states away, she was bitching and moaning about how "weird" her granddad's GF (= BM's SM figure) was. I listened to her for while and then began to speak up, offering some reality testing: the GF was there 24/7, she fed, bathed, medicated the poor guy whose grandchildren barely visited several times a year. She was the real hero in all of this!
YSD would not agree to see my perspective and DH kept chiming in to validate her position: the GF seemed weird and the two of them felt really good about themselves gossiping about the GF's un-worldly ways. When YSD left, i told DH that his daughter's diatribes reeked of BM's hatred of the woman who took her mother's place next to her father and were not to be encouraged. It was about excluding outsiders. DH said he had never thought of it.
A few months later the grandfather died. Prior to that YSD told us they were going on vacation in his state and would be visiting him. On your way to your vacation spot? No, on our way back, as we have just seen him 2 months ago. Well, he died while BM and her brood were at the beach. I guess the GF was expected to be there for his last breath while his blood family stayed away bc really... who could be expected to be in the same house with "that woman" for any significant length of time?
This was pretty early in my skids' PAS process and looking back i see that BM had corrupted their morals early on, by the time i arrived on the scene. It just wasn't as easily apparent at the time but that conversation was one of the first red flags.
The book you mention
The book you mention intrigues me. The grampa's gf, the grand-step-ma, has my deepest sympathies on both levels (loss of sweetie/having rotten steps). Really chilling they were at the beach while she cared for the man. Oh, and they were mocking and gossiping about her while she was caring for him and they were at the beach. SMH. That is something I have tried to instill in our household very strongly -- you cannot complain if you are not doing the hard work yourself. Those kids could clean grampa's bedpans for several weeks. Then, MAYBE, they could tell me about step-gran's quirks. More like I'd tell'em step-gran is making grampa's last days happy. Unless you want these to be your last days, too, you will start showing gramps and his lady some respect.