BM's Has a Stalker. The Monday NIght Edition
SS14 had his court ordered call with his mom last night (Monday). (DH has a RO against her so she is allowed to call our home twice weekly to speak with SS).
We had let him know that his mom called on Friday, three hours after he got out of school. She asked to meet the following day for her visit, but then didn't bother calling or texting till 3:30 and she just asked for SS to call her.
SS spent the weekend doing Halloween things with his older cousins. He had a great time. He returned on Sunday and didn't want to call his mom. He also asked about spending less time with her in the summer so he wouldn't have to do extended visits and can play sports, camp, etc. We told him he'd have to work it out.
So Monday night's call comes. He finishes up in about 10 minutes and comes downstairs. We ask how it went. He says she was crying the whole time. We asked if she was drunk. He said, "no... she was just really worried about me all weekend".
OK wait.
First you try to get sympathy from your son and tell him your stalker that is in love with you just got out of jail, just in case something happens to her and you don't get to hear from her.
Then you show up three hours late to pick him up on Friday/ Halloween after he asked you if he could do something different. You call DH as soon as you show up at the school pissed that SS didn't tell her school got out early. DH tells you that SS is with him. (SAFE Like Normal).
You text DH for a good 3o minutes demanding that DH set up a time to meet you the next day for her visit. You threaten to go to the cops since its "my weekend". DH reminds you to tell the police that you showed up three hours late for your visitation.
The next day, you don't call in the morning. You don't call mid day. You text at 3:30 and ask for SS to call you.
Then Monday, you are back to playing the "poor me" card with your son. Worried? Um, OK. If I'm worried, I haul my ass over to my exH's house. I ask to speak with SS NOW. I call at 8 am to GO GET MY SON!
This woman is nuts. Glad SS has an appointment with his counselor on Wed to help him process.
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He goes back and forth on
He goes back and forth on it.
His counselor explained it to me like this:
In order for him to be OK with spending time with her, he needs to convince himself that SHE never left, that she's a good person, that she loves him and cares for him.
But when he's with us and can reflect, he sees her for who he is. The counselor said that it's her goal for him to be able to be able to be more aware of what she's doing in the moment and how to deal with her. If she's yelling/crying/drunk on the phone, he can tell her that he loves her but can't talk to her while she's behaving this way and he'll call her back tomorrow.
And if something occurs during his visit, he can call us and we'll get him.
She said that the kids learn to deparmentalize their life in order to cope with it.
And the truth of the matter is that this is his mom and it will always be his mom. He needs to learn to stand up to her - respectfully, of course, but she can't continue to bully and manipulate him.
Sometimes he gets it. Other times he'll come back from her house with her latest load of bull - worried about her, mad at us for whateve, etc.