There is nothing wrong with you! I like kids too and also found my step daughter very difficult to deal with yet am an awesome aunt. You don't need to try harder his biological parents do. I highly recommend you get the book "stepmonster" by Wednesday Martin. Many people on this forum have read it and put its suggestions to work.

Your husband needs to step up his parenting game. None of what you describe is acceptable behavior for children of any age. It sounds like your Husband has not given you parental authority to deal with the kid in your home. So I would use some of ,Wednesday's advice and totally disengage from the kid when he is at your house. Make your husband be totally responsible for his care, entertainment, food ect. So he can join the behavior he created and see the problems.

Stay on this forum and I sure you get lots of good advice and support.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you and hopefully, your DH will see things long before mine has. I'm married almost 10 years. My SS was eight when we got married and he has literally made my life hell for 10 years. I also was told that "I'm the adult, I should know better and I should try harder." My husband has parented out of guilt for the last ten years or even longer. His previous wife died when SS was 6 years old. SS learned to manipulate people into getting what he wants from everyone including DH. When he realized he could not manipulate me, he had no use for me and never has. He is now 18 and is a senior in high school. I love my DH dearly and am glad that he is finally seeing things in a different light but it has done it's damage to me and our marriage. I told him just within the last week that the only thing keeping me here at this point was knowing that SS would be out of the house within a year or less. I told him that I should not have to live like I'm walking on egg shells in my own damn house. It's ridiculous. I have a lot of resentment that I need to deal with from DH not parenting his son like he should, believing his son over me and in not standing up for me, his wife. I love this site because unless you are in this situation, people just don't understand. I've tried talking to some friends about it and they just don't get it. People on this site do!!! Good luck and please know, there is nothing wrong with you! Your husband needs to parent his child before things get much worse. And trust me, they can. I can tell you horror stories!

I have to admit that I'm wondering what is wrong with you. Not because you dislike SS, but because you have remained in a relationship with a man who has a child who is attacking your child. You're not just dealing with a kid who is rude and disrespectful to you.

What are you going to do when your kids say they hate you forcing them to live in a home where they have to worry about your husband's kid trying to hurt them?

The kid came right from the get-go with this behavioral problem. This child is who he was long before you ever met him or your DH. I agree that it sounds like this kid has many more issues going on in his head than 'you just not trying hard enough'. Your Dh needs to stop making excuses and blaming you and focus on getting this child professional help ....in the meantime, you need to get this SS the h*ll away from your children. SS is not safe to have around your kids.

Holding a child's head under water is not just a misunderstood kid that merely needs you to 'try harder'. I would seriously lay down the 'boom' on this SS having any visitation rights in your home. DH visits his son elsewhere or you need to take your kids and leave. This isn't a case of you don't like the kid or don't try hard enough. This kid is a safety issue in your home and it's sad your DH won't knowledge his son has a major behavioral disorder.

As this child gets older and obviously larger, can you imagine the destruction not only to your home but your children this kid could do? Stop kicking yourself and asking what's wrong with you that you 'don't like this child' and take action to assure the safety and mental well being of your own children if not for your own. Your Dh is in denial over his son. This isn't just an unlikable skid nor is it 'normal' blended family issues.