Same here. Two years ago when BM was alive, we had the Skids on Wednesday night. They would go back to BM's on Thursday morning to spend the holiday with BM. That meant I rushed home from a half day at work and then prepared an entire Thanksgiving Dinner by 6pm or so. Two years ago, when OSD was 17, she got a text from her fast food employer. Someone hadn't shown up for the evening shift and could she come in? We were at dinner for maybe 20 minutes when she HAD to go. I was pissed but glad that she was leaving the house. Get my drift?

Last year when OSD was 18, it was the first Thanksgiving without BM since she passed in early 2013. So, we actually, for the FIRST time, had the Skids on Thanksgiving Day. I didn't have to rush home on a work day, I could get up at the crack of dawn on the holiday and make a full dinner for everyone. On my feet. For hours. With back pain from fibromyalgia. But I did it. It was our first holiday in our new home.

Not thirty minutes before I am going to serve dinner, OSD comes downstairs in a sports bra and bike shorts. I asked if she was cold? She replied she was going to run on the treadmill. She goes to the basement and starts running, right under the kitchen, I hear her feet going smack smack smack on the treadmill. I told DH there was no way in hell she was going to throw on a t-shirt after her workout and sit at my nice table all sweaty from running on a holiday. I told DH she would have to shower first. Twenty minutes before serving time and DH goes downstairs to tell SD18 that she has to clean up before eating. Screaming and yelling from her follows, comes right up through the floor. She starts yelling, "My mother is DEAD!" I was fully compassionate about it being tough, with BM gone for the holiday, but that's no reason to sit down at my linen-covered table all sweaty and stinky. It's disrespectful, something the Skids at 19 and 13 still don't understand.

DH comes back upstairs and we hear these low, loud sobs coming from the basement for minutes. DH goes back down and says, "SD18 get UP off of the floor, and get upstairs to shower!" More wailing and sobbing from the curled up 18yo on the floor. She finally goes upstairs and showers. Made for an awkward Thanksgiving....AGAIN for two years in a row.

This past summer SD19 mentioned that she hadn't had any drama with us for awhile. I looked at her and said, "Thanksgiving last year?" Her reply? "I didn't think it was that special." Totally moronic. I am still deciding what to do this year. My parents will be in town for the holiday for the first time in a long time. SD19 has already told SD13 that she wants to bake an apple pie for Thanksgiving, which means apples and sugar will be all over my kitchen cabinets. Every time SD19 is home from school she wants to bake cookies that taste like paper, and she doesn't clean up after herself, washes nothing by hand, jams everything in the dishwasher to dry and get crusty and not come clean.

Yeah, I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving this year. My blood pressure has gone up just typing this.

~ Moon

We've got SD6 for Thanksgiving this year. We're spending the weekend with my husband's family which includes his mom, step dad, brother, two step sisters and their kids. At least SD is the same age as the other kids so they all play together well. I insisted on getting a hotel instead of staying with the in-laws. I'm hoping that SD will want to stay with her cousins so then my husband and I can stay at the hotel alone with DD. Then my MIL can deal with SD at bedtime and in the morning.

My in-laws are delsional and for some reason think that I'm really involved in SD's life. They ask ME (not my husband) how SD is doing in school, swimming lessons, etc. Um.....she comes EOWE. BM knows the answers to those questions but I don't. I don't think my husband even knows what goes on with SD half the time, although he pretends to seem like he's more involved than he is. My in-laws are nice people but they really don't understand the awkward situation I'm in.

I'm glad we're doing Thanksgiving with my husband's family because it means we're doing Xmas with mine.

I haven't brought up Thanksgiving bc I dread the holidays fight every year. We have talked about switching Holidays every other year between my side and his side, that never works because no matter what he wants to see his family and *has to see his kids on Thanksgiving and they sure as shit ain't coming to my grandmas (they are 17 and 23 (with 2 of her own kids) My parents don't live here so it wouldn't bother me to skip a year with my side. FDH however, can't handle it. So we tried hosting it one year so we aren't going from place to place. NEVER AGAIN. Fdh's family stayed all night drinking, no one brought anything, no one helped clean up, I was exhausted, there was no appreciation from anyone and my house was trashed. So thats not an option.
When we are at FDH's parents house, he veg's out, takes a nap on the carpet and wants to sit there all day and night. I'm over it. I love FDH with all my heart but since we have been together I dread the holidays, all of them. I get anxiety and there is always some BS. I used to love the holidays, not anymore.

*Also, if we split and I do my family he does his I'll be the hot topic at his families on omg why isn't goincrazy here blah blah blah. But when I'm there it doesn't freaking matter. We've done that too and it caused a family fight. His family is so dysfunctional