Kids and Cell Phones
After my weekend from Hell, I was thinking about cell phones. Since my ex was in total refusal to let me talk to my kids after dragging them out of my home and his wife trying to break down my door when I wouldn't release the kids to her, only to their father because they were so upset, I was thinking I would get them a phone. I am still in total shock that this woman told me she had full parental rights to my children and said "Give me My kids, Now!". She is bat shit crazy.
What are your experiences with phone and your bios/ skids? I would really like to hear the pros and cons on younger kids using Cells.
I can add a simple line to my plan for like $10/mo. However, I am worried that they will take the phone from the kids. I don't even usually call them when they are with their dad, it is only 2 nights - 2x a month. I normally just let them have time together but after a traumatic event being told no when it comes to talking to them ... my anxiety through the roof. It is in the court order that either of us are allowed to call before 7 pm daily. I would just feel better knowing that they can call me if they need to.
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He will probably just not
He will probably just not allow them to have phones at his house.
I'd just let it go. It's only 2 days 2x a month.
Did u talk to the police about SM behavior? That is what needs to be done. Not a cell phone.
Yup...let it go. Your
Yup...let it go.
Your last blog said that the kids were hyperventilating and having a panic attack because they wanted to stay at a pool party and not go with Dad. (Seamed like a lot of drama started for the kids before Dad and SM even got there) Maybe you can work on having them be calm and just go with Dad next time so their visitation can be good and you don't have to worry about talking to them.
They were hyperventilating
They were hyperventilating because he told them the police were looking for us. I think that would send any kid into a panic. The whole thing was ridiculous.
I think you are overreacting.
I think you are overreacting. Your kids shouldn't have known about the police involvement. That should have stayed between you and your DH. Or whatever adult you choose but not the kids. You stressed them out and hyped them up before pickup. And yes the stepmom was really out of control but you didn't help the situation any either. Of course your children were upset, they were put into an adult conflict. But everyone overreacts especially when they are angry. No big deal just try to keep your disagreements with your ex away from little ears.
For the phone issue, well that is a bit much and probably just something else that will start a fight with your ex. Your kids have to go to their dads, court ordered. Do you think maybe they only tell you the bad parts about their stay because they already know how you feel and that you say you won't make them go? I mean its something to think about. A lot of times kids will run it one parent about the other to avoid doing something they don't want to do. I mean them complaining about you the whole time....you mentioned the police call to your kids at the party so you can't really be mad that they too talk to your kids about you the way you do them. You would be putting your kids in the middle of y'all's conflict again if you get the phone that you already know their dad's going to take away. It's kinda like you are setting dad up to be the bad guy and giving y'all something else to fight over.
I have talked to my lawyer
I have talked to my lawyer and she does think I could get a RO, however she also asked if that was a path I wanted to go down. How much harder is that going to make things on the kids? It is going to create more hostility among the 2 homes. I just want my kids to be happy and taken care of and loved. I realize that SM sees me as some kind of threat, that the kids popping into her house 2X a month is a nuisance to her. She probably feels very out of control, as most of us do/did as steps. I get all of that. However, my kids are my world. Their father didn't even want them until the child bride came along. I try to give them space but at the same time, if I call, my kid better be put on the F-ing phone.
That I get... I wonder if I
That I get... I wonder if I get the simplest cell phone I can, no camera, no web, etc if that would make it better. I already told them it won't be a smart phone with games, that is not the point of this. It is for calling, period.
So how did visitation end up
So how did visitation end up being for them after all that drama the other day?
You said you don't talk to them when they are with your EX. Why start now? He already said he was not going to let you talk to them. Don't you think he would just take the cell phone away?
Do they get upset when they talk to you? How old are the kids?
Apparently all they did was
Apparently all they did was talk trash about me and kept telling them that they had no choice in their lives until they are adults and have their own houses. They are very upset with him and his wife and don't want anything to do with either of them. They are also upset that he lied to them and kept them an extra night (it was technically his night but since school was starting we had agreed that they would come home Sunday night, not Monday afternoon), they don't want to go back next weekend...
It is in the order that I am within rights to call. It's not even that I would... It is more that I will not be told I can't and they will not be told that they can't call me.
Kids are 6 and 8
It isn't in your order that
It isn't in your order that he has to answer though.
With that logic neither do I
With that logic neither do I when he calls to talk to the kids...
That is 100% true. However
That is 100% true. However him not answering for 2 days won't be looked upon as badly as u not answering for 14. Especially since u never use to call during his 2 days.
Both Skids have cell
Both Skids have cell phones.
BM got SS17 a cell phone when he was 12, so that she could call him in instead of DH. Well SS17 now has a smartphone and when BM calls, he doesn't answer. He's also constantly playing games on it.
BM got SS12 a cell phone 2 years ago. SS12 either has it off or the battery is dead. From what I've seen he just plays games on it. He also doesn't answer when BM calls.
So BM calls DH to talk to the boys anyway.
Both skids just showed up at our house with them, BM never bothered to let DH know before she got them phones. So we had to do cell phone rules on the fly.
Some rules we have:
No taking pictures or filming without the person's permission - SS17 used to take pictures of me and stuff at our house - DH & I didn't know he was doing it and it was such a violation of our privacy.
No phones or texting at the dinner talk.
We have the right to make them keep their phones at home if we're going somewhere as a family where they could get lost or stolen - like a basketball or hockey game.
Phones stay in the kitchen at bedtime.
Just my 2 cents.
~BettyRay
Thanks, I will drop the idea
Thanks, I will drop the idea of the cell phone for now. I guess this will be one of those if it happens again kind of thing.
The SM here is a 23 year old idiot who thinks that with her multiple baby daddy situation she has some kind of claim to my kids. Nope, those children are their father's and mine. Period.
I know age doesn't
I know age doesn't necessarily define a person's maturity but when I read "SM here is a 23 year old..." It ALLLLLL made sense to me.
Thank you!!!
Thank you!!!
Look at her previous blog,
Look at her previous blog, almost everyone says she should have called the cops on crazy SM. Get a restraining order. All things to stop the drama.
Getting a cell phone for 4 days a month that u usually don't talk to the kids is not ending the drama it's stirring the pot. He will just confiscate the phone and they will argue about it and the kids will be in the middle and it will be a mess over 4 days a month.
I talked about the RO with
I talked about the RO with the Lawyer, she advised against it-- this time. One more incident and it is on, but the warnings have been issued. If I get a RO this woman will be kicked out of the military, it is a really big deal. My goal is not to stir the pot, that was why I asked about a cell to take the Sm and BD out of the equation when talking to my kids. It seems to be that most agree that I should let the cell phone go.
I could bet money they would
I could bet money they would take it away which is why I wouldn't bother.
Op I'm glad u issued a warning. Hopefully she stays away from your home!
I pay for my son's cell phone
I pay for my son's cell phone bc I hate having to go through his father in order to speak with him. It's also fun to text him to remind him that I love him and I miss him. He texts me little jokes and funny stuff all the time too. It's nice to have that with him.
I see nothing wrong with getting the older child a simple cell and the two children can share it to keep in touch with you. I like that my son's father can reach him just to say hi whenever he wants. It's good for enforcing positive vibes.
The stepmom was really out of line here. Imagine being the stepmom and having a BM do that to you...most would be livid and spitting fire.
Drop the cell phone idea.
Drop the cell phone idea. (When BM gives SDs a cell phone, they will have to hand it over to DF as soon as they get into the car. ) Instead deal with SM's crazy behavior.
Get a RO to keep her away from your home. If your complex has security cameras, see if you can get a copy of the tape. Use it as evidence in court. Talk to your neighbors. Someone may have recorded SM showing her ass.
I would use the RO as
I would use the RO as leverage with the Ex. Either he allows them to keep the cell phone or you will persue the RO.
I would use the RO as
I would use the RO as leverage with the Ex. Either he allows them to keep the cell phone or you will persue the RO.