New to step parenting
I'm very new to this step parenting and would like some advise. I'm 26 year old that is married to a beautiful 24 year old woman that has a handsome 3 year old boy. I was never open minded about dating a woman with kids because the drama that some have behind them. I met my beautiful wife through mutual friends. The first few dates I was questioning why I was opening the idea of dating this woman due to her have a child, once I wrote down pros and cons of US as a team, more pros then cons do I presued her. Me and her child hit it off when we first met and are like best buds, now that I'm married I find myself parenting the child because he does what he wants and eats what he wants. This child is around 60lbs and is only 3 years of age. I started laying down rules as in asking to get in the fridge, ask for candy, be polite when asking and ask to take phones. I feel in my heart I'm building this child more structure in his life because he father doesn't spend much time with him and usually pawns him off on the grandparents. Lately I find myself very frustrated because he comes home from his bio dads and completely forgets what the rules are since daddy and grandparents let him eat everything. My wife and myself have been getting in little arguments over me needing to be more nice while reminding him the rules. Grated I do not spank this child but will flick him on the hand or neck when he isn't listening to me or my wife. I love the kid and want to build a better relationship but I find myself overwhelmed and his mother doesn't see eye to eye. Advise please
First of all, keep your hands
First of all, keep your hands to yourself. You should NOT be physically hurting a THREE year old. Control yourself.
Second, talk with your wife. Time to get expectations on the table and be honest with each other about wants, expectations, deal breakers.
This site will make you hate your SS in no time. Be warned.
I second^^^^^! NO Flicking!!
I second^^^^^! NO Flicking!! It's not only mean it's opening yourself up for a LOT of that drama you were trying to avoid.
If you want him to pay attention and listen squat down to his level and make eye contact and speak to him in a firm but calm tone.
Overweight step kids is a very common issue and it is very hard to fight because of permissive grandparents and bio parents who feel like letting the kid eat cake for breakfast is ok because after all the poor kid is a child of divorce :sick:
If your wife is on the same page about trying to get his weight under control then she needs to speak to the rest of the family and if need be have her get Dr. recommendations to pass along to grand parents or dad for a diet. The rest of the family will listen more to a "dr. recommended diet" the a "step dad recommended" one. Good luck kiddo!
^^^^This.
^^^^This.
It is quite normal for three
It is quite normal for three year old child to have to be reminded of the rules, especially if he's been away from the rules for a day or two.
"You will also find that when
"You will also find that when Dad finds a new GF, he is suddenly going to become Father of the Year.
I think disengaging will be a good concept for you to learn, I don't have a link but someone will be shortly who will". CheriWilson
Or maybe non-existent father - or someplace in-between. Sure enough here's the link below and I heartily recommend it. Basically disengaging is to let the kid be raised by his bio-parents for good or bad. Unfortunately this doesn't work as well when your own bio-children are involved as now you've got two sets of rules and that just doesn't work in the long run. I heartily recommend you two don't have children. Don't let her tell you that having "our own" child will cement our relationship or babble like that. It will only strain it more and you really need to get on the same page on parenting before having kids.
In fact if you were not married I'd recommend you not do so but since there are no children yet keep the divorce option open by not having any. I am very serious about this. Wait several years to make sure this is how you want to spend the rest of your life before you think about kids of your own.
http://www.steptogether.org/disengaging.html
He goes to his dads every
He goes to his dads every other day and they swap off weekends, my wife is on the same page just on a different section because she wants me to help give him structure. We almost had another baby but she miscarried but I won't resent my SS because I blame how he is on his father. He has a new girlfriend and spends most of his time with her and doesn't even hang out with his kid on his days anymore so technally he will hang out with him maybe one day in a week and half on his weekends. We have sat down and discussed having another child and yes the way I want to raise is different then hers because she wants to be the good parent. He is spoiled and will always be spoiled by his grandparents on both sides and even when I came into the picture I took him where ever he wanted. I do realize I came in on the hard age of a child being 2 and now 3.