What Brought You Here

EXTREME Guilt Parenting

And what have you gained?

About 50 pounds over the past 11 years from all the stress. I guess I'd have to include menopause into that mix too (in the interest of fairness)

I liked this site until my most recent post. It seems some people would prefer to focus on one tiny detail of my story and repeatedly criticize me for it rather than share their own experiences and have a mature discussion.

I joined because I actually felt a little guilty for not letting my SD (then 21), her husband, and their 2 kids "stay" with us. I was looking for others who had been in that situation and I guess I wanted to know that I did the right thing. Or at the very least, was not a horrible person.

And that's what I gained, confirmation that it's okay to say, "No." That 2 adults and their children were not my responsibility and not my husband's, either. Especially since his daughter hadn't wanted much to do with us since she was 15.

We had a nightmare BM but my SD was relatively easy (until her teenage years).

i found this site because dh and i were not seeing eye to eye on how to handle certain bumps in the road and i was looking for ways to make things better.

i lurked for a few years, but what made me actually join was my crazy-ass in laws and getting-worse-by-the-minute dumbass bm.

it was such a relief to feel not alone. plus a lot of us can have quite a bit of fun here throughout the day- laughter's the best medicine!!!

I came here because I fell in love with a man and found out that he had three cancerous tumors. BM was the only one I recognized as a cancer when I first met him but since then I've realized that his kids are more than likely pre-cancerous growths that have the potential to suck all of the life out of him too someday.

Like others, I searched phrases like "my husband's ex is a sociopath" and "I hate my husband's kids" or something like that. Those searches brought me here.

What I got out of it: A place to vent my thoughts so I don't spew them all over DH in the heat of the moment. A group of people who offer very diverse perspectives on the situations at hand. It's nice to have the people in here who are going through the same things I am and feel exactly the same way I do, but it's also nice to hear from people who see things at a different angle and who can point out when I'm the one being unreasonable. This place has been a great resource for me. Despite individual states being so very different in divorce/custody/CS laws, I have also been pointed in the right direction for legal issues too.

I found this site because I googled something in regards to Bm...I think, I don't even really remember but it was something about her and I found this site. This site has taught me SO much. I've realized that I do not NEED to try to put Ss first in my life because he has parents, I've learned about what boundaries are appropriate in regards to Bm. I've learned what boundaries need to be placed with in laws and over all I've learned how to navigate through this stephell without going crazy. This site has saved my relationship with my Dh and gave me the confidence that what I'm thinking/feeling isn't wrong and I'm not evil.

:::tear:::

This place saved my sanity. I love you STalk!

For me it was when searching for articles/insight on being a stepfather. I see a lot of items written for stepMOTHERS - books, articles, etc. There are very few resources for stepfathers. This board is a resource because there are at least a few stepfathers here in similar situations.

I was searching for "crazy baby mamas" or "why is his children's mother crazy" or something similar... I had honestly not run into anything like this in all of my life - and I've dated a LOT of guys. I couldn't understand how a woman could move children away from a LOVING father, stalk girlfriends (I wasn't the first that BM stalked) and just generally do things that were not in HER OWN best interest, like filing charges that could keep her ex from getting a job to pay for child support. Who the hell does that? Apparently, a lot of women. I was naive and didn't understand how a woman could use her children as pawns/weapons for control.

While lurking for about a year, there were a few people that I really started to like (StepAside, wayinovermyhead and NCgal1980 <--where is she anyway?!) and so I joined. I have learned a lot...and being on here has dramatically improved my relationship with SO. He follows rational advice and shows me changes. You wouldn't recognize this man from where he was a year ago. Boundaries with BM, putting his happiness above his children's wants more often, no more pouring alcohol on problems, proactive about defending his rights, and protecting ME from dysfunction. This site has helped us have conversations that we would have never had. And it's been my therapy!! Which is cool...because I don't have a ton of money for that. I really truly appreciate this site so much!

I came here and joined because I felt like I was losing my mind and wanted to run away from SO rather then deal with BM. But I was pregnant at the time and wanted to do everything I could to save my relationship. I learned to have a voice. I had no one who could actually give me useful advice. Who better to give advice then people who are in the same boat. I dont always agree with all the suggestions, but it is helpful to read everyone's opinion and take the advise that sounds the best to you. You may learn that the things that sounded absurd before are the things you need to do.