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I had my chance and I couldn't go through with it.

katielee's picture

Submitted by katielee on Wed, 08/20/2014 - 7:50am

Last week I disengaged. For the most part, completely ignored SDstb13 and it was really nice.

SD kinda went ape-shit. She is an attention whore so it literally kills her soul to be ignored. DH could see things had gone to hell in a hand-basket and seemed resigned to sending SDstb13 back to BM. SD was saying she wanted to go and BM was all up in arms ready to go back to court to get custody.

But DH was SO SAD:( I just couldn't do it. I agreed to "try again" . . . AGAIN.

Sigh...

So I'm re-engaged. SD seems to be going through some kind of little reset and is behaving. She asked my DD20 if she would "ever forgive her for the way she's acted?" My DD told her she would never forgive her if she kept treating her mama like shit. SD told DD she had "reasons" for treating me the way she does but would tell us later what they were.

We are supposed to be having a family meeting where shit gets real. Because I AM going to say exactly what I'm thinking and how I feel, even if it hair lips the pope.

So the saga continues and it is entirely my fault.

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BarkAtTheMoon's picture

Submitted by BarkAtTheMoon on Wed, 08/20/2014 - 8:16am

Oh man! I would NOT have given in, but I understand how hard it is. I have two SDs, one SD19 and one SD13 (bday this week). I started trying to disengage back on 7.7.14 and had lots of support from ST here. My biggest problem was SD13 lying about everything and thinking we were buying it. She even lied about taking a shower, stayed in the bathroom for 30 minutes with the water running and never got in the shower. I called her on it and she went crazy. I had her father on speaker phone, too.

DH has stepped up a little, and keeps thinking I am the problem and that when school starts and there's a schedule, things will be better. SD19 leaves for college on Monday and SD13 starts 8th grade the same day. SD13 hasn't showered since last Saturday when I prompted her DH to remind her to. Her greasy hair was so disgusting last night at dinner, I could hardly look at her. We all got on her about her table manners and she just thought it was all a joke, laughing nervously the entire time.

DH goes out of town today and it took everything I had not to remind him last night that SD13 needed a shower. She goes to the orthodontist tomorrow and I'm embarrassed to have her leave the house without a shower. SD19 is taking her so I will keep quiet. I'm not going to say anything. Let's see if she follows DH's rules while he's away and while I'm around. Brush your teeth at 9pm and the iPod Touch stays in the kitchen overnight, not in your room. I will be taking notes while DH is gone, and I will let SD13 survive her birthday, but if she screws up these next few days, her priviliges will be taken away over the weekend and for the start of school. i.e. No iPod Touch.

You need to disengage. The worst thing is that no one will know what to do without your help and the house will get messy. Keep your room clean and hide out in there. I don't cook dinner every night anymore and it's wonderful. I do it maybe once a week if that. Try harder, you can do it. I'm right there in the trenches with you, we all are!

~ Moon

katielee's picture

Submitted by katielee on Wed, 08/20/2014 - 10:22am

It's just that I know my husband is trying SO hard to make me happy. He doesn't think everything is my fault, though every now and then he falls for her manipulation. He KNOWS how horribly behaved she is... he is just asking me to hang in there until we can correct it. I can understand many of you all sticking to your guns. I would be beyond furious if my husband refused to see my side of anything. But DH was just pitifully sad about not being able to live with his only living child (did I mention he lost a child several years ago?). So I caved. I hope I don't regret it. I probably will, but I can't help it:(