Anything that would make an average person uncomfortable to watch would be the simplest answer.

I think once a kid gets to school age (5-6) then sitting on the lap/snuggling on the lap is OTT. Laying IN the bed with a child after that age - not talking both sitting above the covers snuggles together to read a book - although even that by about age 10. But laying in bed holding a child til they fall asleep is excessive. I don't think that's healthy for the child even a young one. I think children need to learn to fall asleep on their own, when they are really young (not an infant but from sleeping through the night age onwards) be in the room, a soothing rub on the back but lights out (or night light) and leave the room.

Hugging, kissing, holding hands are all well and good at any age, in appropriate places and not as a way of displacing the adult the parent is in a rs with.

My 8 yo daughter likes to sit and snuggle next to me to watch tv. Sometimes that's ok, and other times it's not. If it's just us, then fine, when it's the whole family then OH and I sit and snuggle together and the kids have their own spots. I still go and say goodnight, spend 5 mins chatting with my younger dd's (8 & 11) kiss and give them a cuddle goodnight. OH spends much longer but he gets to do it less so I try not to let it bug me except that they use it as a way to stay up far later than bedtime (say bedtime is 10pm - they piss about and don't get into bed til 10.15 - then he spends 20mins with EACH kid.... so none of them get to sleep until 11pm ish; mine either because the bedrooms are all clustered together so the noise they make and the hall light keeps mine up as well. It's bloody annoying - but not the question LOL)

Different people with different cultural backgrounds have very different ways of showing affection. Spend one day in an airport in France and in an airport in China and you will see what I mean.

The lap sitting doesn't bother me at all. My BS8 sits on my lap and both my SD's 12 and 14 will sit on their dad's lap. This doesn't put up my spidey senses at all. What DOES is the time SO was laying on his back with his head in SD's lap while they watched TV. I was creeped and walked away like WTF?

~ Or when they walk arms around each other while I'm following behind.
~ Or the fact that SO has the same pet names for me and SDs, and texts us all a lot of the same things (ick)
~ Or them laying in bed before bedtime holding each other like a couple would

That stuff is weird. I asked my own BD12 once if she ever cuddles with my exH in bed. She looked at me like I was headed for the loony bin.

It's hard to put one standard of what's appropriate when different cultures do things differently. My family is Italian. Everyone - even the men, even grown adults and their grown children - hug and kiss hello AND goodbye. It's normal and appropriate to them. My skids, who are midwestern mutts, are a little put off by it, having not been raised with that. Do they think it's gross? Probably. But who cares? lol!

My parents were more affectionate when we were younger, as in under 5-6 years old. At that point, our priorities were starting their shift towards more independence. There were times afterwards, when one of us was really sick or something bad happened (death or injury) where our parents would hold us in comfort.

However, my parents always sat together on our sofa or in their chairs. Never with us kids. They would pop an arm around us from time to time, kisses were on the cheek or forehead. Otherwise, affection was shown in other ways such as Dad asking one of us to go with him to pick up something from the store or Mom asking if one of us wanted to learn how to make/back something.

I'll amend that, my mom is a Disney Mom and treated my older sister differently. She has always been more affectionate with her, but not in a way that made me jealous. More like in a way that required a Silkwood style shower after witnessing it. They still do it to this day. My sister is in her 50's, Mom in her 70's and they continue to have this odd dynamic. It creeps out my Dad, brother and two other sisters.

Which makes me wonder about the defenders of the overly affectionate parent. Are they recipients or givers of special treatment, and therefore defending it because they can't see the forest for the trees??