School Clothes Drama
In the past, we always split the cost of school clothes with BM, even though DH paid child support and there was nothing in the CO stating we had to do so.
This year WE have primary custody. BM does NOT pay CS. She only pays the tuition for the private school SHE put SDstb13 in without consulting DH. We support SDstb13 and BM pays for the school. This whole arrangement has made me pissy from the beginning because the ONLY reason either of them felt SD could go to private school is because I am here with a nice income so instead of thinking, "Neither BM nor I make enough money to send our child to private school," I suppose DH figured we could do without child support and princess could continue in her private school.
Anyway, I texted BM to ask her how she wanted to handle the school clothes shopping. Does she want to get 2-3 outfits and we will get 2-3 outfits? Or does she want us to get them all and split the cost down the middle?
She tells me she can't afford to help with school clothes this year because she is paying the private school tuition. I tell her DH is barely working, so he can't afford school clothes either. BM says to do the best that we can (in other words, Katielee can buy the school clothes), then on her weekend she takes SD and goes to Daytona Beach!?!
Aw Hell No.
Then I get a text from her saying that SD needs bras and panties. I know where this is coming from. I bought my DD a sports bra a few days ago. SD hinted that she wanted one and I ignored her. We recently hung a clothesline and DD made the statement that she doesn't know how she feels about her underwear hanging outside for everybody to see, but at least she has pretty panties:) (I bought her the 10 pair special at Aerie last Christmas.) So I'm pretty sure this is another instance of SD wanting to compete with DD. That ain't gonna happen on my dime.
So I've disengaged from school clothes shopping. If DH has the money (which I can't see happening) he might take her to WalMart for a couple of things, but I doubt he will even think of it.
Lots of drama expected later this month. Could be entertaining.
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Comments
He works for a small company
He works for a small company that contracts with a large company. The larger company has no work to contract out right now and there is little work to be found in this area of the country.
Stand your ground, especially
Stand your ground, especially since the entire school choice was BM's. Her choice, her school for SD so her cost for clothes for said school. I would throw it in her face about Daytona. Gas and food for the trip could have paid for some school uniforms.
SD13 had better start babysitting or something. Keep us posted!
~ Moon
SD is so immature I wouldn't
SD is so immature I wouldn't leave my dog with her, let alone a kid. As a matter of fact, I don't TRUST her alone with my dog as she has been known to be mean to animals.
SD's clothes from last year are still good. Her shoes are in good shape. And yes, she has decent underwear. She might just have to wear last year's clothes for awhile. Won't kill her.
We are not as well off financially as usual right now, but if SD wasn't such a little bitch to me I would have moved hell and high water to take her to the mall school clothes shopping. I got a call last Friday from another branch of the agency where I work pretty much begging me to do 3 weekend admissions at $100 each because they were so short handed, but I turned them down because, frankly, I wanted my weekend off. If SD hadn't shit her nest, I probably would have made the sacrifice, but hey...not my kid, not my problem, right?
BM would LOVE it if DH called
BM would LOVE it if DH called her about all these things. Then she could talk to him about her life and how she needs help with this and that, blah, blah, blah... BM is still very much hung up on DH. It is a well-known fact in this small town. I think she's insane. It's been 7 years since their divorce.
I don't know if my old blog is still on here, but some of you all might remember that BM texted/called DH on a daily basis. SD hit the ball at softball practice! SD got an A on her report card...are you going to give her some money? (Despite the fact that she also made some D's and F's?) SD broke her fingernail... on and on...
I asked DH to stop talking to BM so much and set some limits, which he did. Reasonable limits, but she threw a fit... turned it into a big competition about whether she could "get" DH to talk to her or not, against Katielee's wishes... (I never wanted her to stop talking to him completely, only talk to him about stuff that was important.) She said to me, "Nobody, and I mean, NOBODY is going to tell me when and how I can talk to my daughter's father. I laid down with him to make her..." :sick:
Ya think, bitch?
So now DH pretty much refuses to answer her calls. She finds it much easier to talk to me and then I relay messages to DH or have him call her.
And I honestly don't give a shit who disagrees with the way we handle communication. It works for DH and me and that's all that matters to me.
He has had several of those
He has had several of those talks with her. She backs off for a few days then slips right back into old habits. She's a piece of work. The thing that has worked best is what we're doing... the majority of the communication comes through me. She still tries and tries to call him at times and then after he doesn't answer, she sometimes texts me a simple question that would have easily been resolved if she wasn't so damned determined to talk to my husband.
I communicate with BM when it
I communicate with BM when it is something that involves me, like arranging school clothes. I refuse to be the maid, the chauffeur, and the debit card without being consulted and communicated with by BM. This was a battle fought several months ago, and I won.
Same here. Money is tight
Same here. Money is tight for DSO. I have been super busy helping my bios with babysitting and planning a wedding. I really don't give a shit if SD has new stuff or not.
About time her Mother did something useful in her life.
Stop texting BM. If the
Stop texting BM.
If the tuition is equal or close to the amount BM would be paying in CS, then she's doing her part. Dad has to step up and stop barely working so that he can help cover his kid's needs.
If that means working in retail or fast food, so be it.
He is the CP so he is responsible for figuring all of this out.
Neither DH nor BM can afford
Neither DH nor BM can afford to put their kid in private school. The kid needs to go to public school and BM needs to pay child support. Period.
Your husband is the CP, he
Your husband is the CP, he could put the kid in public school. Be's making the choice not to do that.
Mom is putting out money. You're putting out money and time. What exactly is dad doing other than waiting for you and BM to duke it out?
She had it put in the CO that
She had it put in the CO that the kid will go to this private school and she will pay for it (but no child support). I wasn't allowed in the courtroom and DH didn't say anything about it so we're stuck with it. Hence the reason I'm pissy.
Time for him to hit up every
Time for him to hit up every Walmart, McDonald's, grocery store.... that he can find.
He has to find a way to bring in money to support his child. BM is doing what they agreed to. He has to do his part.
BM changes the rules whenever
BM changes the rules whenever it suits her. They have always split the cost of school clothes. I don't know what game she is playing now. SD has school clothes from last year that are still in good shape. She won't be wearing rags, just not shiny new brand-name stuff. DH is pretty no-nonsense. He doesn't care about the latest style or SD's desire to be stylish. I guess she'll be wearing last year's clothes.
The OP texted mom.
The OP texted mom.
Oh yeah, I just figured she
Oh yeah, I just figured she did that because the OP opened the door the texting her in the beginning.
Women like this are
Women like this are unbelievable, have they no pride? Nothing surprises me anymore with our BM.
God I hope so. And soon.
God I hope so. And soon.
Yeah, this is what my sister
Yeah, this is what my sister calls "shitting your nest." You had a good thing going, SD, and you shit your nest.
I used to take her to Hollister, Aeropostale, and oh shoot... what's that new store my DD likes so much? Anyway, I used to take her shopping for nice stuff just like I always did my own kids (and still do whenever the hell I damn well please and no, I don't care if they're grown. They're still MY kids.)
Honestly? Because I'm an
Honestly? Because I'm an idiot. I shouldn't have even started worrying about school clothes. It would have never occurred to DH and I should have left it alone.
And why did I agree to let SD live here PERIOD??? That's the biggest question to which the answer is the same... I'm an idiot.
But I'm learning...
DH has asked BM to leave a
DH has asked BM to leave a message if there's something important he needs to respond to right away. She rarely ever leaves a voice message other than, "I need to talk to you. Can you call me back?" And he doesn't.
DH hates to text but he sometimes will respond to texts from her if they are pertinent and not just stupid shit to get his attention.
But mostly the communication is between BM and myself and right now we are doing well with that. Yes, it's aggravating but I don't want to change anything because it took us a long time to get to the place where we could communicate effectively at all.
This whole SD living with us
This whole SD living with us thing is coming to a head. She is probably going back to her mom's or I am going to leave. I am not going to rock the boat right now. But IF things improve to slightly bearable and I figure out a way to make things work with SD living here, this private school shit is going to end and BM is going to pay child support.
In the meantime, I am going to do everything in my power to make sure as little of my money as possible goes towards SD's support.
This whole SD living with us
This whole SD living with us thing is coming to a head. She is probably going back to her mom's or I am going to leave. I am not going to rock the boat right now. But IF things improve to slightly bearable and I figure out a way to make things work with SD living here, this private school shit is going to end and BM is going to pay child support.
In the meantime, I am going to do everything in my power to make sure as little of my money as possible goes towards SD's support.
My DH got a No Contact Order
My DH got a No Contact Order put into their CO because of BM harassing us. We also had third party neutral exchange location set up. BM was only allowed to contact DH in case of emergencies. Otherwise, everything was in writing.
I never ever ONCE got a text or call from BM. Your DH is wishy-washy with boundaries and that is why she keeps it up with him. If he put up (AND STUCK TO) strong boundaries, she would get worse to begin with but eventually taper off.
I wonder if we'd have to get
I wonder if we'd have to get a whole new CO to have a No Contact Order put in there? It sounds like an awesome way of doing things.