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Frustr8d1's picture

Submitted by Frustr8d1 on Tue, 07/15/2014 - 2:25pm

I have a vent. My SD11 must be the most strange and socially inappropriate kid in the world. It's not just recently. When I met her, she was 5 yrs old. She was strange then and she is even stranger now. Tonight I was doing dishes when I felt something brush up on my ass. Yeah, my ass. I look, and it's SD trying to squeeze between me and the sink so she can heat her food in the microwave. Is there any chance you can wait a few minutes? Or maybe say Excuse me? Thing is, in every other situation, SD goes way out of her way to avoid me. It's always so strange. She never has awareness of socially appropriate behavior.

BM is a diagnosed bi-polar, suicidal, Kleptomaniac, and a convicted 3-time felon. I can't help but wonder if the genetic code is un-repairable. The first time SD met me, she was 5 yrs old. DH and I tried to introduce her to me slowly. BUT, SD immediately became overly attached to me. She started climbing all over me, twirling my hair, telling me I look like her mommy. Yeah, SICK--who wants to look like BM?! It seems like most 5 yr olds are a little leery of strangers and would be more stand-offish. Not this one. BM did not attach to this kid as an infant in any normal way so SD has attachment disorders. I know I'm supposed to be flattered that SD would view me as her "mom" but it doesn't seem normal for a young kid to do so quick.

So now, 6 yrs later, SD is still nowhere near normal, no matter how we try to teach her. She is resistant to every form of child raising. Doesn't respond to praise. Doesn't respond to discipline. Doesn't respond to teaching. Nothing. I've seen her medical records from birth on up and every doctor stated "infant is extremely fussy and cannot be consoled. Exhibits strong resistance to regular developmental milestones."

Point is, this kid has had issues from birth and I am stuck trying to deal with/fix it since BM has vanished since April 2014.

Comments

WTF...REALLY's picture

Submitted by WTF...REALLY on Tue, 07/15/2014 - 2:37pm

I feel for you. She needs therapy right away. You have a long road ahead for you and therapy is truly called for.

Hang in there, find some books on the subject and all you can do is the best you can do.

Plus come here for support.

Unfreakingreal's picture

Submitted by Unfreakingreal on Tue, 07/15/2014 - 2:50pm

That really sucks, I'm so sorry. Therapy for sure and maybe meds if needed. Kids with those types of issues scare me.

lily11's picture

Submitted by lily11 on Tue, 07/15/2014 - 2:54pm

Is it a blessing that BM has vanished? I wonder if therapy has a better chance of making a difference with BM out of the picture. Our BM is also bipolar. When SS18 used to live with her it was far worse than when he moved in with us and she no longer has influence over him. He did improve quite a bit in some ways after she was no longer around.

Poodle's picture

Submitted by Poodle on Tue, 07/15/2014 - 6:53pm

I too have an aspie and am wholesome. But I didn't read Aswang's post as meaning you could induce autism. It's a complicated genetic condition that may or may not show in other family members. It is actually right to say that you can "cause it" in one limited way though, because, foetal alcohol syndrome can cause a type of brain damage that is like autism in its effects. But I think that in this situation, what the child's father really must start off with is a series of screening tests because I too agree that the child's behavior sounds very autistic-like. Once the various specific learning disabilities are definitely excluded by examining doctors, THEN is the time to look at attachment issues, personality disorder, therapy, etc etc. Too often people get it the wrong way round for autistic children and try to "cure" what is normal natural behavior for an ASD person, rather than going down the route of tailoring one's parenting style, which is what is needed for these kids.

JustAgirl42's picture

Submitted by JustAgirl42 on Wed, 07/16/2014 - 8:22am

Hey now! I'm related to Jenny McCarthy!!
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Just kidding- Biggrin

blueorblackink's picture

Submitted by blueorblackink on Tue, 07/15/2014 - 11:08pm

Reactive attachment disorder-

Reactive attachment disorder can start in infancy. There's little research on signs and symptoms of reactive attachment disorder beyond early childhood, and it remains uncertain whether it occurs in children older than 5 years.

Signs and symptoms may include:

Withdrawal, fear, sadness or irritability that is not readily explained
Sad and listless appearance
Not seeking comfort or showing no response when comfort is given
Failure to smile
Watching others closely but not engaging in social interaction
Failing to ask for support or assistance
Failure to reach out when picked up
No interest in playing peekaboo or other interactive games
Reactive attachment disorder is rare. Signs and symptoms can occur in children who don't have reactive attachment disorder or who have another disorder such as autism spectrum disorder. It's important to have your child evaluated by a psychiatrist who can tell whether such behaviors indicate a more serious problem.

Just a thought... But it does have some of the symptoms your SD exhibits.