Not in my case. I LOVE my SM and have a great relationship.

I guess if anything I get super confused that my relationship with the skids can't be the same as what I have with my Dad and SM.

I do see the projection though.

Same for BMs. I am a BM FIRST! That is what is more important to me then anything in SM Land.

BUT I am not the BM that so many bitch about on here. I get along with my Ex. I hold down a job. I have a college education. I always put my BS first, I have only 1 kid and 1 baby daddy,etc etc. If anything at times my Ex can be "that BM".

Yet certain people tend to think if you had a kid with someone other then your current SO, that you are "that" BM because you have an Ex. But if you have kid(s) with just your current SO then you are "above" being "that" BM. That is a HUGE projection I see on here. and since everyone is being so honest it annoys the fuck out of me. Please do not put me in the catergory of a female who doesnt take care of her child or put her child before her or someone that can't take care of their child.

I do project but usually it is me projecting the traits of the BM I had to deal with onto a BM who might have some adjustment to do but isn't completely bat shit crazy. Not all BMs hate their exes more than they love their children. Sometimes the SMs do overstep. Sometimes the DH is the one to blame.

But I definitely know what you are getting at. I do see it as well.

I think that my experience has projected into my parenting of my own children when it comes to how they interact with their own Stepmom.

I have rode their ass to respect her. Now I wish I hadnt because she is one of the evil nasty stepmoms.

But my kids are good girls, and have (since their 15) have been let off my "be nice to your stepmother or die" leash. I have told them both when she starts losing her shit calling you names and getting nasty, have at her, just call me so I know when and where to pick you up.

They have also been told they can go to their Dad's or dont I dont care anymore.

No, if anything it helps me to understand the step dynamic and how to help skids adjust.

I grew up with what I thought was an angry alcoholic dad and a martyr mother. Only after they divorced and I saw my dad with a new woman who adores him did I see what my dad was like when he was happy. He's a totally different person, and now I can see the part my mother played in that terrible marriage. I couldn't see it before because there was a big campaign by her to make my father into the bad guy and she was the person who tried her hardest to make it work. And it wasn't true. It truly does take two.

It's helped me understand that I wasn't seeing my dad as a person; I saw him as an object. He was my dad who failed me and owed me something as a result.

Seeing him in his new relationship helped it click that my dad is a whole person, and I see how unhappy he was married to my mother. And sure, he made mistakes, but he was trying to cope. My mother harangued him and was extremely unhappy; his girlfriend treats him as if he spun the moon out of gold thread and the difference in him is amazing.

So it's helped me with SO and thinking about how to help his kids, given that BM is a vindictive martyr who tells them lies about their father and his failing her. They're teenagers, so they can be leveled with. I've urged him to talk to them in ways so they start to see him as a three dimensional person. I've urged him to be honest with them about his unhappiness in his marriage to their mother (though extremely happy he has them, of course). I've urged him to talk about the things that we do together when they aren't around. This was something he'd been hesitant to do in case he hurt their feelings; it's important that they know we've got a life together and it doesn't revolve around them.

not in my case. I had a step dad ( who I was a real teenage jerk to for a couple of years) But I grew up, we worked things out and were on very good terms when he passed 10 years ago. My bio dad is also remarried and while I've only seen his wife about 5-6 times, she has always been very kind and loving towards me.

I honestly started out getting along with skids but over the years, they started acting like asses and I don't play that, I don't care who you are. I'm a super easy person to get along with. I seriously don't have any enemies ( so to speak) other than bms and skids...if you cross me I cut you out of my life...simple as that.

I don't think I project. I hope I don't. But the only thing that could be construed as projecting are my opinions and statements on cheating. My dad cheated on my mom when I was a minor (don't worry, I found this out years later). But he married this girl ONE WEEK after they divorced. So the fact that he moved on with her so soon set off alarm bells in my head.

I cannot stand people who cheat, and those who knowingly get into bed with someone in a relationship. If you can't be faithful to your partner or respect the fact that the person who you're interested in is taken, what good does that say about you?