I am new to StepTalk. All of you will hear me complain and vent about my SD'20 who lives with H and I. It's impossible to fully explain the situation from day one until now over the last two years since she's been living here, so I simply decided to go about this in the easiest way I can imagine to share my experience.

SD actually has printed out copies of our house rules AND a copy of Guidelines and Expectations that directly pertain to her. These are things that H and I agreed upon when SD first moved in, things that H assured me would be instructed and followed through. I'm going through the list, comparing the rules and how it's ACTUALLY been and what SD really does.

I'm sure COUNTLESS of you will fully sympathize with my story and experience. A candid look at Ideal Vs. Reality with Skids. Here goes:

****Guidelines, Expectations, & Rules**** (for SD20)

**Financial Responsibility**

SD is to sustain a job. She is to be responsible for her monthly cell phone bill, her own gas, any tickets she may incur (speeding, parking violations), all extras & activities (going out with her friends (movies, concerts, theme parks, admissions etc), school related extras (sorority shirts she orders, school functions), miscellaneous accessories (video games, music etc) and she is to be responsible for the costs of any vacations or road trips she decides to take on her own or with friends.

REALITY:

SD has had one job in the two years she has lived with us that lasted all but 4 months. She barely even worked part time, going in for maybe 3 or 4 hours a week. She called in and skipped the days she was scheduled to work constantly and lied to us about it, telling us she was at work when she was hanging out with her friends. I busted her on countless occasions by calling her boss at work!! She has only paid her cell phone bill ONCE. She's constantly getting gas money off of H, H has bailed her out of and paid for at least FIVE tickets that I can think of since she started college for continuous parking violations. H has handed over money for SD to blow at Hookah bars, for her to go out to eat with her friends, just recently gave her $200 for Wiz Khalifa concert tickets, all kinds of crap! SD racked up $500 worth of sorority shirt orders and function tickets over this last year that she charged to her Omega Fi statement that H paid for, not to mention her countless late and absentee fees for bailing out on sorority functions, even including the most important event of the year like bid day!! She takes numerous trips back home during the Summer and H fits the bill for those too!! In short H is SD's money cow/ATM.

**Having Friends Over At Our House**

Curfew for SD's friends at our home is 10:00pm. Friends may not spend the night unless they have permission in advance. SD's personal living space is be cleaned and presentable before guests come over. Friends are not allowed to bring alcohol or drugs into our home. Guests are not to be invited over and brought to the house during dinner time unless it has been planned in advance.

REALITY:

H has allowed SD to have friends over at all hours of the day with no regard to curfew or how I feel about them being here. I can't count how many times I have woken up in the morning and walked into the living room to discover lifeless, stinky college brats passed out on my furniture who sleep until 4pm!! SD is a total slob, her bathroom and bedroom are never clean and she brings friends over to see her filth without any shame at all. She actually lost a friend over her filth, one girl went to use SD's bathroom and found a number 2 that SD never flushed....and then had a fit over the trash in SD's bedroom and told her how she felt "dirty" being in there and she couldn't take it! The girl never came back and stopped talking to SD. SD has been caught with liquor in her bedroom and she had a boy over once that lit a joint in her bedroom!! I can't count how many times SD has ruined dinner plans by having friends randomly show up without permission....H's solution is for me to put away what I cooked for dinner and order pizza to accommodate SD and her friends. The amount of wasted food and time putting together meals that I have cooked is insane.

**Household Chores**

SD is to keep her personal living space clean and do her own laundry. This space includes her bathroom, bedroom and the hall area by the two. The hallway is to be kept clear of personal items such as her backpack, shoes, purses, keys etc. Her trash is to be taken out, room vacuumed, counters clean and de-cluttered, her laundry is to be properly folded, hung and put away. She is to scrape off and rinse her dirty dishes and generally just pick up after herself around the house.

REALITY:

SD is a total, careless, disgusting slob. She has NEVER kept her bedroom or bathroom clean. Period. She has had so much food and trash in her bedroom before that she had a huge ant attack and was attracting insects into the house. During the school year the hallway was where she THREW her backpack, shoes and wristlet. Cluttering the hallway with her crap because she was too lazy to take it to her bedroom. She has vacuumed maybe 6 times in two years, I have yet to see her take her trash out, H usually does it for her on trash day. Nothing is clean or de-cluttered. Her clothes are strung everywhere, she's so filthy and does her laundry so rarely that she'll use the same towels over and over again after digging them out of the dirty laundry hamper. When she does do her laundry, she lets them set in the washer or dryer for days. Out of resentment I simply throw them down on the laundry room floor while I put my laundry in and out of the machines and once my laundry is done, I just throw hers back. She never hangs anything, she never folds anything. She wads it all up and throws it on her desk chair. She never rinses off her plates, she leaves empty water bottles all over the house, gets out blankets and never puts them away, stuffs wrappers from snacks and candy into the couch cushions....total freaking slob.

**Time Management**

SD is to wake up and get herself ready for school on time. If we're going somewhere SD is expected to be ready and leave the house at a reasonable time and fashion. SD is supposed to balance her time between college, studying, sorority and her friends.

REALITY:

H get's SD up every morning for class. SD won't wake up on her own and ignores her alarm clock swearing it doesn't work even though I hear it blasting down the hall. SD is constantly late for everything. She has made us late to movies and dinner's countless times!! H and I have been in explosive fights because I wanted to leave without SD once she failed to meet the time requirements and essentially was in danger of ruining our plans, H refuses to leave SD behind even though she can't comply. She takes her sweet time doing her hair and make-up and the thing is, you can't even tell she did her hair or make-up. We have had to see later showings of movies, wait an extra hour or so to eat dinner, all sorts of things because she can't get her shit together. She racked up hundreds of dollars in late and absent fees on her sorority bill and certainly does not balance her time. SD spends all her time with friends and out partying rather than studying and sticking to commitments.

Then of course, the more basic rules that SD refuses to grasp and follow as well:

SD NEVER locks the doors when she leaves and does not utilize the home security system that she's supposed to.

SD NEVER says please and thank you or shows any appreciation for anything.

SD NEVER turns off lights and electronics when she leaves the room or no longer occupies them.

SD NEVER knocks are shut doors, she waltzes right in!

SD NEVER takes off her shoes when entering the house.

SD NEVER asks permission to use anything, if she wants it, she takes it. She also NEVER returns anything she takes.

I could go on all day. I think everyone get's the picture here.