For the last two years, H's eldest Daughter (SD aged 20) has been living with us.

Immediately there were several reasons why I resented SD moving in with us in the first place:

**H and I had bought and moved into our new home just five months before SD showed up on our doorstep. We had just literally finished unpacking, refurnishing, remodeling, and finally starting to settle in a little. We had no time to enjoy our new home together or recover from the chaos of the move before she dragged all her drama and stress in along with her.

**I had a miscarriage just seven months before SD moved in (two months before our official move). The house that H and I bought, was bought with the unborn child in mind (I am a childless SM & H and I had always lived alone), we picked out and closed on the house just shortly before my miscarriage. The bedroom that SD took was supposed to have been my baby's nursery. Instead it has become SD's filthy little den. With that said....the move was bittersweet and difficult for me to begin with.

**The two years before SD surfaced at our door, she did not talk to nor see H and I either one. There was no contact. She was estranged (by her choice). We closed on and bought a beautiful new home and experienced a tremendous loss and have this whirlwind of chaos to deal with and suddenly she's back in our lives with her hand out wanting to live with us and expecting H to put her through college.

**Based on her past behavior I was leery it would work out (having SD live here and me being capable of dealing with her)especially at such an emotionally fragile period. Not to mention the tension and awkwardness from the previous two years of estrangement.

So, anyway SD shows up at our doorstep wanting a place to live (not because she had nowhere else to go but because she wanted us to put her through college, because we had more to offer than anybody else in her family). I'll be honest, my intuition about SD's intentions to living here have all been proven true since...she's here to simply take advantage.

H and I sat down and discussed SD living with us in great length. I expressed my concerns and doubt of the situation, H seemed understanding but assured me that everything would be fine. H promised to be strict and stern, to have the rules and guidelines set forth and give SD structure. He also gave me the whole "I really need this. SD really needs this. We can fix our relationship and mend the past. We can bond and spend quality time together. I can help her through college and give her a better life and a better future. We can make up for lost time." speech.....like an idiot I fell for it. I gave in.

I never fully felt comfortable with SD moving in. I never truly wanted her to live here (deep down, secretly, I hated the idea) but I trusted H. I wanted to do the right thing and provide help for SD (even though every ounce in me instinctively went against it) and give her and her Father a chance at closure and a better, healthier relationship. As always I put my personal views/feelings aside when it came to Skids/In-Laws etc and told myself to accept it/everything will be fine/it will all work out/this is the right thing to do. I convinced myself I was being the bigger, better person and out of love and respect for H, I was open to SD moving in.

******BIG MISTAKE******

What I have been experiencing and living with since SD moved in for the last two years has been worse than I ever originally imagined. There have been unforeseen issues and circumstances I wasn't prepared for. My marriage has crumbled apart, my house no longer feels like mine, I feel like an unwelcomed guest in my own home....like the invisible, unappreciated maid. I have lost respect for H, I resent him and SD both, I feel like the third wheel, I feel like SD has replaced me as H's wife. I feel like the outsider looking in....I have been in deep turmoil between the decision of leaving and divorcing H or attempting to waver through as strongly as possible, aim to get SD out of the house and not allow her to break up my marriage.

I question myself every single day as to why I am even here, what I am doing, what I am thinking, is it worth the stress and anguish? Would they even care if I left, what would happen, can I truly walk away and give SD the satisfaction of ruining my marriage? Is there anything left to salvage? Am I just too sensitive, am I too weak? Am I allowing SD to get to me and effect me too much? Is this even SD's fault, should I hold H accountable for allowing it to happen?

It's a whirlwind of emotion and turmoil. Never ending drama and tension. The situation certainly isn't getting better and I've honestly just about had enough. I'm sharing my experiences in my second blog entry, how SD coming to live with us has dramatically effected and changed my life.