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I'm a selfish bitch, or so they say

looloo81's picture

Submitted by looloo81 on Mon, 06/30/2014 - 8:45am

So it's a week past my laparoscopy that revealed I'll never have children naturally. it really hurts, not physically.

I got my first mass "you knew he had kids" talk. 5 older ladies telling me I was selfish. that I was stupid. that I make them fear for their kids if anything should happen to them.

yes I did know he had kids. 5 of them. did I imagine 16 year old sd would be kicked out by her mum and lumped into my lap? Not for a second.

I'm actually a very sensitive person who usually gives too much. I was crushed to be spoken about like this. I was hoping for some logic. but it would seem these ladies were completely ruled by their emotions and fears.

devastated I run to my sister's house for some care. I am stupid thinking that would happen. instead my sister rips into me about how shit my husband is, how I'm an idiot for wanting to breed with him. not once does she attempt to console me even though I'm clearly crushed. not once does she mention how sorry she might be for the pain I'm feeling. just her diatribe about how pathetic and stupid I am.

so the general gist of the night is that I'm a stupid selfish bitch. feeling super!!

Comments

JustAgirl42's picture

Submitted by JustAgirl42 on Mon, 06/30/2014 - 9:18am

They are the selfish ones for not being able to get past their negativity for the time being, and show you some support.

Very sorry for what you are going through right now...hang in there.

Annanymous's picture

Submitted by Annanymous on Mon, 06/30/2014 - 10:18am

I'm so so sorry. I went though ten years of two miscarriages and not getting pregnant and raising a stepdaughter. I did grow resentful.

It is devastating and it breaks my heart for these people to be so callous. So what if he had 9 kids? You are supposed to never have a child because other women had kids????

Are there options for you? IVF or adoption?

looloo81's picture

Submitted by looloo81 on Tue, 07/01/2014 - 1:27am

I see my gyno Thursday to discuss ivf. I think adoption will be out based on hubby's age. there's always pugs Smile

looloo81's picture

Submitted by looloo81 on Tue, 07/01/2014 - 1:32am

Not sure what's caused my tubes to be so damaged.

these ladies weren't really friends. just acquaintances.

it is my sister that despises my husband. she could not provide clear examples of what he did/does that is so offensive. just that she knew better than me. :?

looloo81's picture

Submitted by looloo81 on Mon, 06/30/2014 - 10:14pm

We need "fix it people" to balance things out Smile

Wish this was the case with my sister.I actually escaped the party of crazy ladies and went to her house around the corner (I was an hour from home). I didn't discuss my husband with her. never have because she's never liked him. talked about struggling with SD's behaviour and the crazy ladies.

my sister has a habit of getting drunk and saying hurtful things. she's a whole different issue and I've done extensive psychological research on her

ltman's picture

Submitted by ltman on Mon, 06/30/2014 - 3:07pm

Who were these women to you? No you're not selfish. They can go fuck themselves. Been where you are. It sucks. And it sucks to have to deal with skids and stupid people.

missflo's picture

Submitted by missflo on Mon, 06/30/2014 - 6:16pm

Looloo.. I'm so sorry.
Sorry about your news and sorry for the way you were treated. I really wish sometimes people would take a breath before speaking. Just enough time to think maybe this person is having a struggle and could do with a cuddle and a gentle word, telling them they're "better off" when they're still processing life changing news is hurtful.
Like telling someone who just lost their husband, Its ok, you're young, you'll meet someone else.
You just wouldn't do it. Sad

looloo81's picture

Submitted by looloo81 on Mon, 06/30/2014 - 10:21pm

Exactly. you don't have to agree with everyone, but you don't have to share your opinion either. People often fail with compassion.

looloo81's picture

Submitted by looloo81 on Mon, 06/30/2014 - 10:27pm

So these crazy wenches did bring up the "fact" that I wasn't allowed to use my "infertility" to decide the fate of SD. but they were actually more angry that I was feeling overwhelmed (16 yr SD has autism and behavioural issues) and resentful in my current situation.

their issue was about me feeling like giving up on this kid.
their point was that I knew what I was getting into. shouldn't be married if I can't handle skids. bad luck for any of my dreams of study and a peaceful home. can't be so cruel as to walk away from a girl with a disability. not once did they mention her mother throwing her out because she was untidy =/
I'm upset I'm financially supporting a child that reminds me how awesome her mum is when I don't cooperate with her wishes. she should see how far she gets on the $7 a week her mum is meant to give us CS.
it certainly won't pay to get the black carpet in her bedroom back to cream.

Feeling overwhelmed and could have done with some support.

thank you so much for yours xx

MamaFox's picture

Submitted by MamaFox on Tue, 07/01/2014 - 1:49am

Have you thought of being a foster parent? It really is a great system if you can get into it. From what you have said, I have a feeling you would be a good candidate despite your husbands age. Foster kids just really want one thing...a home.

looloo81's picture

Submitted by looloo81 on Tue, 07/01/2014 - 4:46am

Fertility, Adoption and Foster Care
Prospective carers cannot be considered for foster care accreditation until such time as any fertility and adoption processes are complete. Prospective carers must be able to demonstrate a significant degree of finality and resolution about fertility issues as part of the assessment and accreditation process, and this cannot occur if they are still undergoing active fertility treatments or adoption processes.
By ending fertility treatment and ceasing any adoption process, the prospective carer/s can start dealing with the realities of not being birth parents and begin to address the grief and loss that coming to terms with this is likely to bring.
Once this healing is underway they can then look to the prospect of caring for children i