ExH wanted to have a meeting as we seem to have two different perspectives and expectations regarding g the children and their hw - especially in regards to dd13 - who has been consistently recognized as an academic scholar by our state, had ADD and she is working with a doctor find an appropriate medication and dose. We elected to put her on medication so she could be successful as she is very disorganized and forgetful. She's in 7th grade this year and has missing work and it seems to make her feel bad and sad that she has these struggles. Even though these struggles have always been there, now she's an emotional teen aged girl and it is bothering her more.

So ExH has asked sm to pick the kids up early on Thursdays so that sm can go over homework with the kids and ensure they are caught up and on track. He says dd113 always has missing work by the time she gets to his house and it's not fair to him to have to be the responsible parent and spend his time making sure homework is done so he's having sm take care of it before he gets home.

My response went something like this:

I don't think it's a great idea to put sm in this position while dd13 is this age. You're making sm be the bad guy. And... What would happen if dd didn't turn some work? Her As and Bs might change to Bs and Cs. I don't think it's worth it. She's getting to the age where she needs to learn natural consequences. She's doing way better than you and I did but she has zero self esteem and you expecting her to be perfect isn't helping.

He got the idea that I don't care whether she does her homework. I clarified that she is expected to do her homework at my house and is not allowed to watch tv or have her iPad until it's done and she has to show it to me first. I don't make her sit at the table and hover over her. She goes to her room and I'll check on her periodically. Sometimes she's working and sometimes she's not.

He was extremely upset that I have a different approach and that I don't expect her to be perfect even though he denies that he expects perfection. He states that the more he demands, they will rise to expectation. I told him we can agree to disagree and also let him know that his daughter has already expressed how difficult it is to deal with her father's expectations of perfection. He was surprised by this EVEN THOUGH I'd BEEN STATING it repeatedly.

I had already made the suggestion that I was open to a schedule change - not give up time but juggle days if he wanted more school days.

So after more back and forth I said," ok so what do you want to do"

He pulls out his pad and I'm thinking he is going to propose a new schedule. But he doesn't. He says "we need to keep her better organized". Then He scratches a few things on his pad to illustrate organization. The funny thing is that on Monday we just had a parent only session with our daughters counselor and the entire focus of the session was helping our daughter with organization with her back pack and folders.

I know he doesn't want additional responsibilities. He isn't handling the ones he currently has. He has sm doing it. Why do so many men do this to their new wives?

I feel bad for what's coming for her in the next year or so. I'm having a nice flower arrangement sent to her for Mother's Day. She deserves it.