New SM!!
So I am a new SM here on this site...I am 25 years old divorced BM of 2 little boys 6 years and 4 years. My Fiance and I will be getting married this July and he has a son who is 4 also. We have known each-other our entire lives, we actually grew up next door to each-other as children, both married and had lives, got divorced and reconnected. Everything was perfect at the beginning; we had our "perfect" little blended family. NOW I am so annoyed daily that I can hardly stand to be in my own home when my soon to be SS is here. Mind you I can totally understand that he is 4 years old and is still little, but I do also have a BS
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Oops!! I didnt realize that
Oops!! I didnt realize that if I hit save it would post until I was finished!!
But as I was going to say....My SS4 is the biggest Crybaby I have ever met. I have been around TONS of little ones, have 4 little step brothers and sisters who have all been a part of bleneded 50/50 parenting that did not behave like this in the least!
The problem I am having is that when he screams and cries he gets what he wants, usually because he is louder and more aggressive then my 2 BS. Don't get me wrong my BS's are by no means perfect but they do not scream and cry like they have no brain to get what they want!
I have tried sending my Fiance little blogs that I have found about working on stopping the screaming tantrums, the methods we have found (NOT GIVING HIM WHAT HE WANTS) will work for a day or two and then my fiance is back to giving him what he wants again!!
He claims he has absent parent guilt, but we have SS for an entire week off and on, sometimes more with his whore of an ex does not want her time!!
I literally don't know what to do anymore....anything that I say SS goes secretly (YES Secretly) to my fiance to get what he wants and most of the time my poor Fiance does not know that I have already said No or whatever the answer may have been and gives it to him!
WHAT CAN I DO TO STOP THE GAME PLAYING WITH SS....I may loose my mind!!!
Ok here comes the short list
Ok here comes the short list of red flags:
1. Does your man allow co-sleeping with his children? (aka the kiddies routinely jump into bed with him at night)
2. Does he have to lie down with them to get them to sleep?
3. Do the children seem somehow "stunted" socially? Do they have poor hygiene habits, eating habits, bedtime habits?
4. Does your man subscribe to the "one big happy family" model? (expects you to love his children as much as or more than him)
5. Does your man have the "inability" to say no to his children?
6. Do his children seem overly "hyperactive" to you?
7. Does your man say "just relax; you worry too much" or "Everything will be just fine" if you bring up a legitimate concern
8. Do the children seem "overly needy" demanding that dad spend 24/7 with them? Do they physically lay all over him and go bonkers when daddy steps out of their peripheral vision?
9. Are they unable to do age appropriate tasks or want dad to do things that could easily be done themselves?
10. Does dad seem overprotective of his children; unwilling to let them try things out on their own?
11. Has dad said things like "I don't want to make waves with the BM b/c it will affect the children" or "we'll take the high road" when faced with blatant BM stepping over boundaries.
12. Has dad said things to you like "you don't like my children" or "you're a child hater" or "my children are afraid of you" or "my children don't like you?" This is code for you are able to see through the manipulation and the children don't like it. . . and frankly he doesn't like the fact that you can see through his children's manipulation either. He'd rather look the other way as opposed to actually parenting because he might "lose" his children to the (almost always) PASinator BM.
Lots of good questions!! I'll
Lots of good questions!! I'll answer them in numerical order too
1. No, he is totally against co-sleeping. I was a co-sleeper and this changed when we began living together.
2. This was something he did before, this also ended when we began living together.
3. Yes to all, SS4 mother does not bath, clip finger nails, etc.
4. Yes!!
5. YES!!
6. Extremely. SS cannot sit still or do any task any other 4 year old can. ((This was brought up by our preschool teacher))
7. No he likes for me to explain what I am feeling, he just thinks that if he lets them have a snack in bed that its nothing to be upset about after I said no.
8. Extremely overly needy....SS will follow dad around the home ALL day, and must sit on him if he is on the couch. He will cry if BS4 tries to get close to dad.
9. He can do nothing. Including feeding himself dinner, putting on clothes/shoes, etc!
10. He does do MOST things for SS, he has only recently been stopping because I am SO over it! I am not going to sit and watch him feed a 4 year old dinner like an infant, its frankly disgusting to me.
11. We actually have very little contact with BM, she lives 2 hours away and is a "bar fly" so if any waves are being made they are by me in concern for SS hygiene.
12. He knows that I can see through SS behavior, he just doesn't want him to "Not like him anymore"
RUN! At your age you should
RUN! At your age you should be able to find a nice childless man!! He will immediately impose "ye olde double standard" and demand that:
1. you have ZERO expectations of HIS children but full responsibility (including financially) for them
2. you have ZERO parental authority over HIS children (especially no discipline under ANY circumstances)
3. he has EXTREMELY high expectations of YOUR children and COMPLETE parental authority (including discipline) over them.
c
there is no such thing as a
there is no such thing as a "perfect blended family"....