O/T How do I get him out of my house?
DH has been so well with the alcohol. No relapses. Going to AA meetings. But there have been a few times when I just didn't feel everything was on the up and up. He suffers from depression and anxiety. I was correct in my gut feeling. He's been abusing his anxiety meds because they make him so mellow. Two nights ago I had to endure a convoluted discussion about land mines and purple balloons so that pretty much sealed it for me.
I have his meds now. I have given him for today exactly what the prescription requires. But I lost it this morning. I had a horrible evening (while he was at an AA meeting still loaded from the meds he managed to take before I came home from work) and really needed his support. My son is super unhappy whenever he is at his father's house and it breaks my heart that every Wednesday and on the weekends BS15 is texting me and calling me to come and pick him up. There's a long story behind it but that's for another time. He is not being abused or anything. He just hates being at his father's house.
Long story short, I really needed someone last night. DH knew this because I texted him before he got home from his meeting. He was still feeling the residual effects of his party of meds from earlier and knew I needed someone to rely on. Of course, instead we spent the rest of the evening focusing on his inane topics and off the wall bullshit.
I lost it this morning. I cut him down to itty bitty pieces verbally about how unreliable he is as a husband, father, everything. I think I'm at the point where I think his best chance is to go back to rehab or a halfway house. I want calm in my life.
How do I get him peacefully into the care of professionals? I am afraid of him. He has the potential to get physical. Advice?
- Harleygurl's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
I own the house and
I own the house and everything in it. He has no legal ownership. So it's just a matter of getting him to leave with what belongings he has.
Does he have any family that
Does he have any family that you can trust with this? Maybe if one of his brothers, cousins, father, uncle... came over and confronted him with you and then helped get all of his stuff out in one quick swoop it would go over better.
If not his family, what about yours?
He learned his lovely habits
He learned his lovely habits from his father - his only relative other than his 82 year old grandmother. I have spoke to his dad and pretty much got the "Harleygurl you aren't being supportive enough. He's depressed but he's trying, blah, blah, blah." FIL has no fucking idea of what I've endured from his son that he taught these bullshit life values to. You know the ones, "Oh shit, I can't make the house payment this month! I'm depressed! I guess I will take my last $20 and go buy a case of beer because it will make me feel good along with my pain meds for my bad back!"
DH knows where he learned his habits. He won't ask his father for help or even go to his dad's house. He said he would rather live on the streets BUT he keeps repeating the same damn behavior.
Any of your family that could
Any of your family that could help? Big strong brother by chance? What about a male friend?
No big brother! If my dad
No big brother! If my dad was 20 years younger boy would I be calling him. He's a rock! Still is a rock but alzheimer's has taken his brain.
Alright, than I guess a bunch
Alright, than I guess a bunch of us need to head over with a baseball bat in hand
I am so sorry girl. I think that you may need to have the police in your area aware of what is going on before you approach him and then keep them dialed into your phone as you tell him you want him out.
My ex found a "Dr Feelgood"
My ex found a "Dr Feelgood" who just kept prescribing opioids. It was insane. Who needs 120 hydrocodones in one prescription with three more refills? It pissed me off more than you can imagine. I wanted to call this idiot Dr and scream at him.
Yes he is going to run out
Yes he is going to run out way before the month is up. I asked him if he had thought about that. He hadn't. He has an appointment with his therapist on Friday. Because I have been going to another counselor there for about 12 years I'm "in good with" the office manager. We are arranged a bit of overlap between my appt and DH's appt. Kinda an intervention. Even if his therapist prescribes him more meds, which he won't, he wouln't be able to get it filled due to rules with our health insurance. If need be I will remove him from the health insurance, which I provide, so that getting meds is difficult and expensive.
He has been physical twice when he was drinking. I am no physical match for him. He has no friends that are reliable. I don't have a problem calling the police but I would like to avoid that at all costs. I love him but something has to change ASAP. I won't have this crazy shit around my son.
If you feel in danger that is
If you feel in danger that is enough reason to involve the police. I would use this as a last resort and follow overworked's advice first, but the police will come and stay while he gets his things, if that happens, change the locks and ask the police to patrol your street occasionally because I would guess it isn't going to be smooth with your DH.
Wow. I'm so sorry. My ex
Wow. I'm so sorry. My ex abused prescription drugs and was pretty violent during that time. Yours sounds a little more mellow for now at least but believe me, I know how frustrating and frightening that is too.
Honestly, there was nothing I could do but leave. It was my house, I paid the necessary bills, but I still left. I quit paying extraneous stuff like cable, internet, electric. It became a waiting game and I finally won and got my space back. It took 5 months. I could have gotten police involved I'm sure and if it would have gone on any longer I would have.
If someone can't even admit their problem and make it THEIR idea to seek help, I see it as a lost cause, one I'm not willing to stick around for.
I wish I could give advise on how to get him to seek help, but I'm cynical about addicts now. That wasn't my first relationship with an addict. These days, I'm to the point of just throwing them to the curb and forgetting about them.
He's mellow but a flake when
He's mellow but a flake when he's high. He left the dog outside not leashed because he forgot. He'd die without that dog. He forgot it was time for his son to go to bed. He takes naps whenever he feels like it when he takes too much of his meds. I'm afraid he will be violent when he gets to the point that he doesn't like that I'm dispensing his meds like he is a child so that he at least is only taking them as prescribed by the doctor.
I won't leave my house. I fought hard to find the money to keep that house when I got divorced from my second husband so that my boys would have a stable home. DH could go to his dad's. It certainly isn't ideal but he could. He could try to get into the halfway house in our town. I made sure he went to rehab in a very reputable place three hours away from where we live. This time he can go to the shithole of a rehab we have locally.
He admits his problem. It's when it comes to having an anxiety attack or facing an issue that he has spent his life avoiding that he get out of control. He wants instant gratification. I have anxiety attacks. I had one when I got to work this morning. I sat at my desk and deep breathed through it. Life has to go on.
I understand not wanting to
I understand not wanting to leave your house. I know that what worked for me is probably unfeasible for most people. A lawyer would probably tell you to stand your ground too so that he doesn't try to lay any claims to it. Since you bought it before you married him that may not make a difference anyway. It's yours.
If it's easier for him to leave then I hope he does. Do whatever you feel is right and above all do whatever you need to do to stay safe. Damn I feel for you. I HATE addicts. I'm glad there are people out there willing to help them and support them since it's a real illness but I'm not one of those people.
Being with an alcoholic is a
Being with an alcoholic is a tough one, my dad was a drunk for 43 of the 46 years he and my mom have been married. There were dry times but he was a dry drunk back then and not trustworthy.My old therapist said being married to someone with mental illness ( like my DH) is very similar to being married to an alcoholic. It is hard and I so feel for you. You deserve better. I think if my dad had gotten his crap together like he is now how different all our lives would be. He has a lot of guilt over it so we don't talk much about it.
If you figure out a way let me know. I would love at times for mine to leave.I just taked about this in therapy last night. We are renting but I need to have a good recommendation when the lease is up in June 2015, because we did a bankruptcy so my credit isn't good any more. Additionally I can afford the house/ he can't and it is near BS 6's school and my work. I hate to disrupt my sons life by moving him.