Reward for telling the truth
I was watching an exchange between a dear friend of mine and her 10 year old daughter. Her daughter lied about her room being clean so that she could go hang out at the mall with a friend across the street. My friend told her she would be checking the room. Her daughter came clean that her room wasn't exactly clean. My friend handed her 20 dollars thanked her for her honesty and told her to have fun.
I guess she saw the look on my face. She told me she rewards her kids for doing the right thing rather than punish them. I know all kids are different and different things work for different kids. But I see her kids running all over her and their dad all the time. After that I saw her 3 year old bit and hit her. She told him he could have candy if he stopped hitting mommy.
I think she is just creating entiteld monsters. How do I give her friendly advice without seeming like I'm telling her how to raise her kids. I know I only have a one year old but I've been a stepmom I notice brats when I see them.
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Is there a parenting book
Is there a parenting book that you read and found helpful? If so, maybe you can pass one along to her and brag it up on how it has helped you or ask if she would read it and tell you what she thinks about it.
Actually I think you are spot
Actually I think you are spot on!!!
You don't. Giving unsolicited
You don't. Giving unsolicited parenting advice is never a good idea. And never well received, whether family, friends or random strangers. No parent wants to hear it. So if you want to remain friends, just don't go there.
If your friend isn't wise
If your friend isn't wise enough to know that what she is doing will have a negative effect later, then she's probably not going to understand where you are coming from and would probably not receive your advise very well. I know it's frustrating though.
Honestly, I like honesty. I
Honestly, I like honesty. I raised a great kid, but not without some guidance and help from different people. I would talk to her, but, then I would recommend some reading when she balks. I read a great book when my son got into HS that I loved. Teen proofing. Maybe that will help. It has a kind of different hands off approach to parenting, but with consequences. Kind of like, told you once and now there are consequences. Really works.
Wow. Just wow. My mother
Wow.
Just wow.
My mother would have said, don't lie to me next time. Go clean your room. You're not going to the mall and I'm going to decide if you're grounded or not for lying in the first place.
Coming clean is not being honest, it's just admitting you lied the first time.
Wow.
I would stay out of it. Unsolicited advice is usually unwelcome and always a great way to hurt a friendship.
Wow. If I was that daughter,
Wow. If I was that daughter, I would lie my ass off and then come clean so I could get paid. Over and over again.
How about I not beat your ass
How about I not beat your ass for telling the truth. That's your reward. I have two pet peeves : lying and picky eaters. They can stay the hell away.
I think the only thing you
I think the only thing you could do is try the 'oh I've read a REALLY good parenting book and I bought my copy over in case you fancied a read' approach. Unsolicited advice can easily offend. I think her parenting decision is a classic case of misinterpreting or misapplying a fundamentally sound principal. It's like the Chinese whispers of parenting. Yes it is good to encourage and reward honesty, but it is clutching at straws to class admitting you haven't cleaned your room when your mother is about to check as a choice to be honest. And yes it is good to reward children for good behaviour, but there is a very important difference between bribing a child not to hit you, and waiting until they have demonstrated that they have taken the no hitting rule on board and then rewarding it. Your friend is well meaning but confused.