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Jealousy pain

bluehighlighter's picture

Submitted by bluehighlighter on Sat, 03/01/2014 - 1:59pm

I'm not ignorant to the realities of being with someone that has a child full time. I'm not happy that today I'm jealous of special events happening for that kid. I want my SOs time when we are alone together to be as big of a priority as the time spent spoiling the kid. The same excitement behind them. Going out w some friends tonight. Haven't done that in a while. Coaxing myself outta my "poor me" feelings and feeling like a limb was cut off We have to make our alone time a priority. He apologized for what he did this Thursday for our "at home date night". Now just mourning the loss of the time And energy.

We might not be alone again until next Thursday and I gate to think of what excuse thereight be. Thankfully sometime this month bio grandma is taking the kid for a few days.

Comments

Sparklelady's picture

Submitted by Sparklelady on Sat, 03/01/2014 - 2:02pm

Sounds like you're just feeling down in the dumps! That's okay, you can have yourself a pity party! Just make sure that you make it home at some point from that party Wink
Hugs!

Onefootout's picture

Submitted by Onefootout on Sat, 03/01/2014 - 2:16pm

Sounds like there's not a good balance of kid time and adult time. That's not exactly jealously. If you were getting your needs met, you wouldn't be feeling jealous.

I have SS17 full time. I've had to be very specific in my requirement for adult time each week. In my case it's easier because SS can be left home alone. And also, I'm in a position where I can even insist on the night - Saturday night is my night, it's date night. I outrank SS, so I get first pick of which night. That's just something I decided on my own.

Even though SS has a mini wife complex, I make sure Saturday night is not family night or father son night. SS17 needs to find his own friends to go out with Saturday night.
I have never achieved anything with SO by hinting at my needs or making 'suggestions' about my needs. I've had to flat out insist we do things a certain way. I'm not mean about it, I just state things in a non-negotiable way. I didn't ask or say honey, I wish we could spend more time together. I said, unequivocally that I want Saturday night to be our date night, not Thursday night (which it used to be). With younger kids it could be different and date night might fall on a weeknight, but I don't like dating on weeknights if I can avoid it because I'm tired and have to get up for work the next morning.

I used to feel the way you did, and tried to see if SO would get the hint. He never did.

Oh, and SS17 is really clingy so at home dates don't work out very well unless we shut ourselves in the bedroom. We always go out. Recently after I expressed my anger with SS17 never leaving the house, SO occasionally orders SS to spend the night at a friend's house. This is progress from two years ago, when SO and I were limited to Thursday nights, I guess because SO felt sorry for his recluse teenage son with no social skills and felt he had to entertain his own teenage son on the weekends. I put an end to that. Took a while but I did.

Hopefully you can start doing more of this as your skids get older. And having grandma babysit sounds great. Take advantage of that as much as possible and don't let your DH or yourself feel guilty about wanting adult time.

bluehighlighter's picture

Submitted by bluehighlighter on Sat, 03/01/2014 - 3:40pm

Thank you. I'm looking forward to the day he's old enough to leave at home one night. And thZnks for giving permission to not feel guilty. Hugs