Couldn't agree more with what Step.tococis says. Your fiance hasn't considered your feelings at all! I don't have experience of personally having a newborn but I can see from friends just how difficult it can be. He needs to be showing you love and attention. A relationship is supposed to be about two people, not one person who makes decisions and expects the other person to be okay with it. The way your fiance has treated you is way out of order. I know it's difficult but I would be inclined to leave. It seems actually that even though you'll be a single mother, your life will be far easier as you'll only have your baby to look after, not his son he can't really be bothered with!

I don't want to sound harsh or anything, but when you marry someone with a child, you need to be very very open to possibilities and I'm sorry it doesn't sound like you were expecting that at all.

I'm one of those SMs that believe each child should be equal bio/skids, unless either bio/skid just absolutely rejects it.

I've noticed many folks on this site have many different views on particular subjects and I think that is what helps one person or another.

Are you willing to walk away if goes through with this? If so, make that clear to him. Of course, you have to be prepared for him to show you the door.

As a SM there's no way I would agree to this. As a BM, there's no way I'd leave my child with an unfit parent in order to keep a SO. You have to make the choice that is best for you and he has to make a choice that is best for his child.

If the kid really is better off with dad and you're not ready to be a full-time SM, then he should end the relationship with you.

We can't just always advise to just leave or get a divorce every time someone has an issue. Especially when most of us are still currently married or with our SOs in spite of our vents. Unique I am very sorry you were put into this situation, I can understand the situation your fiancé was put into, Im sure when BM decided she basically no longer wants to be a mom, fiancé felt serious guilt for SS. That is hard for a child who is 7 to lose his mother. I can't stand that people feel children are disposable. I think fiancé needs to have a talk with BM, that she needs to be a mother and that she can not just dump her son, not for his sake, your sake, but SS sake.

He should have talked to you, but what options does he have honestly, if BM really does just walk away ? He can't force her to be a mom, if she runs off to Hawaii and sends a postcard telling him she's never coming back then his option is to step up and be a full time dad which is what he's doing.

It puts you in a tough spot, you aren't going to get your DHs full attention when he has a son, but you knew this when you got with him. I would set the boundaries now and your expectations of how your household is going to run. If you don't want to be SSs personal assistant then don't be, try to prepare SS for the baby coming and try to include him in some things with the baby like letting him pick out toys or clothes so that you don't have a problem on your hands when the baby arrives.

I really wish people would come to this board before, getting involved with, living with, marrying, or getting pregnant by a person with other children. How long have you known your SO?

It sucks that he did not talk to you about it. BUT, he is doing the right thing by taking his child. And if you are not working, I am sure he will expect you to take some part in raising the kid. Taking care of a newborn and a 7 year old is really not as tough as some may try to make it seem.

Disney is right on all accounts here. You need to decide what you want and what you can put up with. Being a full time SM is SO very hard.

I think I need time apart to think things through.
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sorry...but I think this sounds awfully manipulative on your part. It sounds like you are punishing him for taking custody of his son and making him choose between you and his son. Bad move.

Wow...drama much?

EDIT to add...before you edited your above post...you said that you just stay in your room and stay hungry. Why on earth do you do that?!

If you leave him right before your baby is born, you will be making a big mistake. The memories of the birth of your child will be clouded with the memories of your separation (if you work things out). What is done is done. Yes your BF should have consulted you before moving his son in, but what can be done about it now? Nothing. You can leave, or you can take some time, but time won't change things. He apologized, you can talk about it and make sure decisions are made jointly in the future, then you can learn to adjust TOGETHER or be a single parent and deal with custody battles and being apart from your baby half the time.
You are VERY young (even though I know you probably don't think you are). Having a baby is scary, especially at the end of a pregnancy. My advice is that you sit down, talk with your BF. Tell him you are scared about the changes coming to your family and compromise on how to deal with them, and TRY to work things out. Being alone, taking space, won't help you learn to work together for your family and children.
I don't really know what you want here. It seems like you want people to say, what a jerk his son needs to GO. Sorry, but that's not how life works. Take the advice you've been given, talk to your BF, figure things out. Get out of your room and get to know the kid and work on a routine with him before your baby is here. And yes, no one eats when they are about to pop, especially when they are stressing out instead of dealing with life.

How can you expect your fiance to be considerate of your feelings if you aren't willing to share them with him?

He has an obligation to his son. It's unfortunate you didn't think that through before now. You're not married. You have the option to leave.

You want to stay so your daughter can have a family.
You want his son to go so he isn't in your home.
You want your fiance to consider feelings you won't discuss with him.
You want time away to decide what you want.

It sounds like your fiance isn't the only one being selfish.

His mistake wasn't bringing his son into his home. It was not discussing this with you before he did it. He's doing what a father needs to do for his child. Put yourself in his place. What if it was you with the POS ex ditching your 7 year old child. Would you think twice about taking her in???

"But im scared that our relationship might change because he doesnt feel that im supportive of him. I dnt want him to think/feel that im thinking about myself over a kid.. how should I tell him??"
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1)If you can't support him being a good father to his son, there's a really good chance your relationship will change.

2)You ARE thinking about yourself over his kid. Leading him to believe differently is manipulation.

3)You're ready to give birth to this man's child & you're engaged to be married. You REALLY need to put this wedding off until you can learn to communicate with this man.

You owe it to him, his child, your child & yourself to do that much. Marrying someone you can't express your feelings to is like marrying someone who doesn't even know you.

Not a good idea.

Marrying someone with a kid you resent having in your home...not a good idea.

If BM is dumping of SS then your DF needs to get it in writing now! Then file so he can become primary. Then he needs to file for CS and he can use the money to put SS in some type of after school/daycare program during his work hours. If he is unable to get CS he STILL needs to pay for care for his kid. It's ridiculous that men don't look at the situation as a single person and how to they would provide for kids if we aren't around. Maybe you will change your mind later when your baby is a bit older, but for now it seems like you would feel better if someone could watch SS whily baby is little. Daycare and summer camps for SS!

If the two of you don't know how to communicate, or you are afraid to express your feelings, maybe counseling could help?

I just skimmed the responses but my impressions:

1. You're very young and this sounds like an unplanned pregnancy.
2. Stop being mad at the BM. It will do you no good.
3. Start getting mad at your fiance. He is the problem.
4. Sit both of your dumb, uncommunicative butts down and TALK about the situation.

For the love of dog. The problem here is communication. You're so worried about being honest and hurting his feelings, but I don't see him worrying about yours.

Put on your big girl knickers, sit down and TALK TO THE FATHER OF YOUR CHILD. Make sure he is the only taking care of SS7 and outline REASONABLE expectations for you.

This does NOT have to end your relationship but it seems to me, you are part of the problem.

yes, tying yourself to a man with kids DOES leave the potential to being a fulltime stepparent. ideally, it would be best to TALK about that potential before it happens, letting your SO know in advance that if this comes to pass, that HE will be the one responsible for the care of the kids. unfortunately, this rarely becomes a point of discussion until AFTER it happens. by then, it's kinda hard to put the horse back in the barn. and when it happens as a choice, without the stepparent's input and thought, I think the sparent is justified in giving an ultimatum: you take care of your kid or i'm gone.

OP- I think it may be beneficial for you to move out to clear your head. it will give you time to clear your head and re-negotiate the terms of your relationship. your SO seems to feel it's fine to make these life changing decisions without your input, you are justified in getting the space you need and to come to some agreements (as well as de-escalate your anxiety). also, it will give him time to adjust/plan for the care of his son WITHOUT you being present to "help" him. then when/if you decide to move back in, hopefully everything will be running smoothly. but, you WILL have to actually TALK to him. personally, i'd try to talk to him first (don't worry about "offending" him cause if you move out, it's going to do more than that to him).

So I'm late but... I think you can fix this simply. Have a convo with your fiance, tell him how you feel. I think this could be remedied by him taking full responsibility for his son, your ss, until you are healed from birth & feeling able to help out. If that means working less hours? fine. Have his pay cut supplimented by CS from BM.

Also get a CO & CS in writing so that once things settle down she can't go snatch the kid back.

If this talk goes well, no need to leave him or do anything rash.

May I ask what the outcome should be if this guy had followed step code correctly and consulted his fiancé? If she said no, what would be the next step? I agree he should have followed code, but is that more or less just a technicality because the decision is still his. Really it's not so much a consultation, but a heads up. I'm honestly curious to these responses. So much I might even post my first blog?