Long time no see to the "older" members. I have stopped in as much as possible to read up and follow all of my friends from 2-3 years ago. Life has been so hectic and up in the air for the last year and a half to two years but it is finally slowing down.

I refer to my ex as Ding Dong as it is so fitting. Anyway, his last year has been the most stressful while at the same time the most calm year we have ever had. Sounds strange doesn't it? Well, let me explain. For the new members my EH is one of the most abusive, controlling, narcissistic people you have ever met. So much so that there have been times I have feared for my safety and that of my family. I have had a couple of restraining orders against him, but the judges won't extend them more then a year. If you want some entertaining reading you are more then welcome to read my blogs.

The present issue we are dealing with began last Easter Sunday. Our two daughters who were at the time 13 & 10 came home from that particular visit in such a withdrawn attitude I suspected something was going on but could not get any answers from them. Ding Dong and I traded weekends later in April so it was the first weekend in May before they were scheduled to see him again. On the Wednesday before they were to see him on Friday the oldest sent me a text message saying their father was hitting them. She didn't know how to tell me what was going on so she wrote it all down. The letter was waiting for me to read when I got home. My heart sank. All of this time I assumed that he wouldn't abuse his own children. Surely he loved them as a parent does (like I do) and would protect them from abuse not be the one who is hurting them. Here I was suppose to be protecting them and I was sending them to him to be abused EOW. I let them down.

When I got home and read the note it was even worse then I had thought. It had been going on for over two years.....TWO YEARS!...and I never suspected. It consisted of physical hitting, slapping, punching, a lot of verbal abuse things like they were no good, he didn't want them going down there and more, he doesn't love them, they only cost him money, blah, blah, blah. It is about 75 miles from our-town to his-town. He was kicking the oldest daughter out of the car and telling her to walk the rest of the way to his-town. This was often 50 miles or more away. He would open the door while parked along the on the highway, make her get out, then drive off. He would make her walk until he noted she would be able to get help then he would pick her back up and tell her she was useless and just like me. There is also at least one incident where he took a leather belt to her back numerous times.

The oldest is suffering some of the consequences of the abuse. There was one episode where they were in a park waiting for drop off time to get there and he kept pushing her down as he was yelling at her. In at least one of the falls to the ground she heard her knee pop and felt a lot of pain. She kept it hidden until she started falling a lot. Come to find out she a small tear in her ACL. This is not good news to an athlete.

Anyway, I could keep going with all of the stuff he has done to them in the last 2 years or more. I was able to get an emergency order of protection against him the beginning of May. At that time, it had been since Easter Sunday that he had seen the girls. Between May and October we were in court several times. He was taking anger management classes until he realized that I was getting copies of the notes his counselor was sending the courts. Notes that prove that he was lying through his teeth about the entire situation. "EW is so mean to me. She's just trying to keep me from my girls. I would never hurt them. She is Trying to say A, B, C, (totally exaggerated the points in the RO).

In October, he decided he was tired of all of this and filed officially to get visitations renewed. The girls freaked out and decided hey would rather testify against him in court then to take the chance that he would get visitations back. Since that time he has asked for and was granted a continuance every month since then. Our next court date is in March. At that time, it will be 11 months since he has seen them.

It has been so calm at our home. The girls have relaxed, grades are most definitely better, both girls were cheerleaders this year. They got to go to every game, the oldest played softball where her team won regionals, and was crowned Jr. Miss at our community festival (yea parade time!) Ding Dong was not here to cause a scene or embarrass the girls in any way with their friends, teachers and team mates.

The stressful parts come in when the girls realize the court date is near. About 2-3 days before they start getting nervous and scared. They do not want to see him. They never want to go down there for a visitation again. They don't even want supervised visitation. In order for there to be a chance for them to get what they want, they have to face him and tell the courts what he has done to them. Our attorney says it is a good shot that the oldest may not have to see him again as she is now 14 and can have more of a say. We are asking for visitations to be stopped, period. If not that then the longest length an RO can go, which for our county is 5 years. That will put the oldest out of his reach but not the youngest. I can't say he is all that worried about seeing hem if he is he one who has continued it 4-5 times now.

There should be a special place in Hades for people like this.