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BM wants ROFR but then she isn't home with the kids.

StepMomTaxi's picture

Submitted by StepMomTaxi on Sat, 02/08/2014 - 10:21pm

Looking for thoughts on this.

DH and BM have 50/50 visitation. DH is supposed to give BM Right of First Refusal on his days when he will working 8+ hours.

Rather than have the kids moving back and forth between homes when one of those ROFR days falls in the middle of his days with them, he has asked BM if it is ok for the kids to stay at our home with me if I am off work. This way they can stay in one place.

BM refuses and says she wants the kids those days. Ok fine.

We have found out though that at least for the last month or so, when the kids go to BM's for that one day when she's accepted the ROFR, she hasn't been home with them (if she herself is working) or she has taken them to a babysitters house to watch them for half the day and overnight (when she goes out socially).

Unfortunately we don't find out that BM wasn't with the kids until after the fact. When DH asks BM beforehand she says, "what I do in my time with the kids or where they go when they're with me is none of your business"

According to the CO and the eyes of the court, I would assume there is no problem with this since DH offered ROFR as he is supposed to, BM accepted the day with the kids, and whatever BM does in her time with the kids is none of our concern so long as the kids aren't in danger.

But it is irritating to DH and I and, in my opinion, unfair to the kids who have to switch houses for a day and then end up not even spending time with mom or getting shipped off to someone else's house to be watched.

Thoughts? Suggestions?

Comments

StepMomTaxi's picture

Submitted by StepMomTaxi on Sat, 02/08/2014 - 10:30pm

That's how we feel.

There is nothing in the CO other than stating "DH shall offer BM the ROFR on days when he will absent from the child for a period exceeding 8 hours". and That's all it says for it.

But we don't find out about BM not being there until after the fact. BM tells DH "what I do in my time when the kids are with me for child care is none of your concern".

StepMomTaxi's picture

Submitted by StepMomTaxi on Sun, 02/09/2014 - 1:39am

HA...but she is perfectly ok with asking, or suggesting, if I can watch them when it is convenient for her or if she needs DH to take them a day so she can go wherever and he is working.

Plus, she LOVES to throw in his face "how often SHE HAS TO HELP HIM OUT by taking the kids on the ROFR days" and that she is "ALWAYS HELPING HIM OUT"....yet she isn't even with them!

I don't know if that's her way trying to justify her getting her CS from him or what by saying she ends up having them a few days more than him when its suppose to be 50/50 or what.

The idea of revisting the ROFR issue in the papers sounds good...but we never know when she is working or not. She changes jobs every few months and it's all part time jobs only so we would never find out when she actually worked until after and it would only be by asking the kids, which we don't want to do bc we don't want to question them or put them in the middle or feel the need to protect her.

Sparklelady's picture

Submitted by Sparklelady on Sun, 02/09/2014 - 9:26am

Power struggle. Don't let her do it.

Is she really going to do anything if you don't offer ROFR anymore? what happens if you just DON'T?

simifan's picture

Submitted by simifan on Sun, 02/09/2014 - 9:54am

It's not her time - he is offering her the time to spend WITH THE CHILDREN since he isn't available. She does not get the day - she gets the 8+ hours he will be at work. Then he has the right to go get them & continue his visitation time. This is ROFR.

If he has to work from 6a-2p. she may have them from 6a-2p ONLY.

BM tried this crap - we told her fine she could pick the kid up at 6a but she needed to drop them back by 2p when DH arrived home. When she needed to provide transportation she left it alone.

(remember time is not denied if you don't try to pick them up )