I'm a dang good secretary! Letter to judge from DH, RE: SS20 in jail
DH is seriously lucky I love him so much, and want him to be happy. I don't hate SS20. I too want what is best for SS, because I know if SS is worse, DH will not be happy, and we will not be happy. I will not give in on certain things of course, but I will help DH as much as I can.
That is why I helped DH to write a letter to the judge. Hell, let's be honest, I asked what DH wanted to accomplish and wrote the damn letter, then asked DH if it was ok.
Dear Judge lady,
My name is DH. I am writing to you in regards to my son, SS20, who is currently being housed in the County Jail. His Case # xxx is currently assigned to you according to the Idaho Repository website.
His charges are:
I37-2732C - Controlled Substance-Use or Under the Influence - Felony
I37-2734A - Drug Paraphernalia-Use or Possess With Intent to Use - Misdemeanor
I have tried to get a hold of his public defender to voice my concerns but so far have been unsuccessful at getting in touch with her.
I do not know the specific details about his arrest, the how/when/where/with who, etc, and I am not looking to influence your decision on his sentencing. I would just like you to know from my standpoint, why I believe SS is where he is today, and let you know a little of his background.
In 1999, at the age of 5, SS was physically abused by his mother’s boyfriend, Royal Fuckup. Unfortunately, the charges against Mr Royal Fuckup were dismissed and both my children (SS- 5 and SD- 7) were released back to their mother Stupid Bitch, my ex-wife. SS was sent back to an abusive home and unfortunately never received any counseling or help to deal with the situation. Their mother eventually left Mr Royal Fuckup, but her next boyfriend was not much better, according to my kids. They both say he was verbally/mentally abusive to SS, and both kids were expected to spend most of their time in their rooms. When SD went off to college, SS felt she abandoned him.
He feels I abandoned him as well, but I feel did the best I could. I was a truck driver, and often times Stupid Bitch would make it difficult for me to see them due to my schedule. Since SS was 17, he has been in my custody. I have tried to be there for him, but he does not trust very easily and has had an “I hate the world” attitude most of the time. I even tried to get him to go to counseling when he lived with me, but he turned 18 not too long after moving in with me and I could not persuade him to go willing, and had no way to force him to go at that point.
I love my son and want the best for him. I do not want him to struggle his entire life, but I know with him being an adult now, I cannot control anything and can only try to guide him to make better choices. I would ask that at the very minimum, the court make it mandatory after release that he gets the help that he needs. Unfortunately he has burned the bridge here at my house with choices he made previously when living here, so I cannot allow him to move back in here.
I know that this is only his first offense of any kind, but being that he will have no job, no money and no housing when he gets out, I fear he will turn to old habits and his “friends”, who in my opinion are the bad influences and the reasons he is in his current situation. I would appreciate consideration to the following things that can hopefully be mandatory along with whatever sentence you may give him if he is found guilty of his current charges. I believe he is still young enough that if he gets the help these things would provide for him, this can remain his only offense.
1. Government assistance to find/afford housing at a halfway house, similar facility such as (sober living facility named).
2. Mandatory rehab treatment.
3. Mandatory counseling.
Thank you for your time and consideration. If you have any questions for me, please feel free to contact me directly.
Sincerely,
DH
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Comments
Yeah, I struggled with some
Yeah, I struggled with some of the wording myself, so as not to "admit" guilt but I couldn't figure out how else to word it. Honestly there's no way around it, he was found with the stuff on him, not just hidden in the car but in his coat that was on him. SS says his friend borrowed his coat and must have left it in there, but unless the friend comes forward and says "yes it was mine", it was in SS's possession. No judge is going to believe it was anyone except SS's.
I think the judge is likely
I think the judge is likely to look less favorably on your SS after your DH sending her this letter because it's obviously a, "Oh, I'm not trying to influence you...but go easy on my kid" letter.
that's possible too, I was
that's possible too, I was trying to convey more of "whatever jail time/probation you give him is up to you but I'm asking for these additional things as well to help him in the long run"
And honestly, we don't want
And honestly, we don't want the judge to go easy on him. He may hit rock bottom quicker if he's in jail for longer. Longer to thing about the choices he made, longer to come to acceptance that he needs to get clean. If he gets out quick, it may be too quick and he'll go back to doing what he was doing.
I disagree. It may seem like
I disagree. It may seem like that at first glance but at the end you see where the dad just wants to make sure that with whatever sentence is handed down, a few other things are court ordered as well.
Exactly, that's why I put
Exactly, that's why I put that last part in there. We know he drew a hard ass judge, and there is likely to be no leniency, but we feel if he is better equipped mentally in the future, we can keep him from being a repeat offender.
"I would appreciate consideration to the following things that can hopefully be mandatory along with whatever sentence you may give him if he is found guilty of his current charges. I believe he is still young enough that if he gets the help these things would provide for him, this can remain his only offense."
Why not send this to the
Why not send this to the public defender?
Hubby said to hell with her
Hubby said to hell with her (the public defender) since she wouldn't take or return DH's calls...and one of his friends suggested sending it to the judge. And this friend is soooooo smart and knowledgeable because she's been in and out of jail here so I can't even argue with anything she tells DH /rollseyes
I would send it to the judge
I would send it to the judge rather then to the public defender also. Reason, because it will be taken by the person who hands down the sentence. If you give it to his public defender you will only give the public defender the opportunity to twist words and to help push the blame on someone other then your stepson. The public defender is out to help your step son get out of the crime he committed. Don't know if that makes sense. Also the public defender might not (and this is speculation) be contacting your DH back because SS might not want that. The public defender is only going to do what it takes to get his charges dropped which means no help that you are asking for. I worked court security in my past, I would go with mailing to the judge. They actually do take the time to read these things and they actually do like to know that the person that committed the crime has people that care about them. Some judges take letters like these to heart and actually incorporate them into the sentence. I have seen it done. Especially when a parent has exhausted all their efforts into trying to help them and nothing seems to be working. Yet the parent cares enough to want their child to get actual help rather then a slap on the hand and a get out of jail free card.
Never thought of it that way,
Never thought of it that way, makes sense. I hope the judge reads it and takes it in to consideration. I'm sure this judge deals with 20 year olds using drugs all the time but I do try believe that if he gets the maximum amount of help and counseling now, he may not end up back in jail like he would if he just gets jail time and probation. He'd be back to using drugs and back in jail on probation violation
True and no guarantees or
True and no guarantees or anything but this could help the judge make that decision to force him help. Now remember though, just because I also have an SD who does the drug thing, he may not follow these rules if he doesn't want help, and if he doesn't follow through there will be consequences by the judge and you will know if he is going to change or not. My SD hasn't changed and wont, we tried every thing we could come up with and now we are disengaged. So with that said, don't let him back in your home, stick with your plan. He needs to get the help and he also has to want the help. In my opinion of course but I have lived it and it is not fun. I am finally getting my life back together after disengaging. One thing I learned is that an addict has to want to change, they have to want it. I hope your SS does want the change and I hope that this is his saving grace. Its rather sad to watch a persons life go down the drain. My SD had it all, happy home, spoiled, loved...ect...she met a boy and drugs and her whole life changed and they are all choices she made. She was the one that had so much promise for her too. She threw it away. It took us 4 years to realize that this was not our fault it was hers and still is hers.
New blog entry in the works
New blog entry in the works but here the judges accept them. We went to court today and the judge did receive it this morning and read it while we were in court. She understood it exactly as DH intended it, that DH cares about him and was worried about him. The judge gave SS a long talking to based on the letter.