Anyone else get really suspicious over little things?
BM is a selfish, narcissistic brat. Shocker, I know. She plays games, only cares how something affects her, and likes to try and emotionally blackmail SO ("a real father would xxxxx", "you pay more attention to your fiance's kids" which is a total lie, "I'm the mother of your children!") and conveniently forgets she ever said anything when she makes promises to kids and is called out for lying or breaking them. Had big blowout with her in my driveway a few months ago when I was attempting a truce (so I dont eventually snap and get an assault charge by punching her full on in the face) and she denied all responsibility for anything ever unpleasant in her relationship with me (as it is) or her lousy coparenting with SO. All my fault, I should stay out of everything, blah blah blah.
Ok, she has talk w my SO a few days later, whining about me and what a bully I am (apparently her doofus boyfriend got all pissy about me too lol) and he sets her straight on quite a few things. Many go in one ear and out the other but he tried. So suddenly, right after that, we are little Miss Congeniality to HIM but I am still the devil. She's a coward who won't look me in the eye and gets very uncomfortable and tries to literally run away from me when we are at neutral places like her son's basketball games. But again, suddenly we are all agreeable and friendly and chatty with SO. People don't change overnight so wtf.
Now it's getting a little weird for me. Yeah, I know, you'll probably say I'm being paranoid and looking for stuff to overreact to but she responded to a text I asked him to send (dates she is taking SKs to TX for a family wedding in April) and she's giving him a lot of info he didnt ask for. She also wanted to know if he was coming to their son's basketball tournament this Sunday. Uh, WHY? You never cared before. You tried to avoid conversation as much as possible with the man unless it was self serving for you. Even my SO was like wha---?
Little things here and there in the last few months are giving my SO and me the sense things are not as sunshine and roses as she likes to pretend in her little life. My SO is predicting the dam is starting to show cracks and eventually she and the BF will start fighting because he sees her regressing into certain behaviors she has before. She's never happy with anything for too long.
I'm wondering if she's up to something. Regrets, perhaps?
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You're not alone. DH and I
You're not alone. DH and I can predict down to the month when BM is going to go bat-shit stupid over something. She'll act all happy and polite and stuff while she's getting what she wants but it never last. It's a cycle.
She's going for triangulation
She's going for triangulation by making your relationship about three people. She's building intimacy ("friendship") with DH and painting herself as an innocent helpful person and you as the source of conflict. Cut her off at the pass by talking to DH about her games so he is aware of what she's doing. Also make it clear that it is important that he up the boundaries - no more communication than is necessary and businesslike all the way. Letting her act like a buddy would be a mistake and a betrayal of you.
Also, it seems like you're doing alot of communication with BM. Why are you talking to her? You didn't stick any babies up in her so your DH should be the only one who gets the joy of talking to her. This will also help the triangulation attempts, because if you're not communicating with her, she can't say anything about you and your intentions and play the victim to DH.
Sounds about right. SO is
Sounds about right. SO is usually decent about keeping it businesslike but sometimes he lets her ramble on, he says to see where's going with it because he doesnt trust her either and knows eventually she will get around to wanting something that benefits her.
I actually don't talk to her. She hears a lot from the SKs of course and it irritates her that my SO values my opinion because I try to be as rational and fair as possible even if he's the loser.
I get along quite well with 2 of the 3 SKs and that pisses her off. We have to see each other at sports events since SD15 is in volleyball and SS12 is in TWO basketball leagues. She also has to pick up kids at my house every other Sunday. So I went outside that one day WITH SO and the two SKs and she was in car with her schmuck boyfriend (who we joke is like the landlord she's just humping). I was actually nice and it started out fine until the BF started yammering at me. I didnt even have to raise my voice and I put him in his place. Apparently he can't handle a strong woman who doesn't need to whine to get her way and can think at a college education level unlike the moron he's dating. She then started her own whining at me (all without eye contact - eye roll).
Swamp Hole is a narcissist
Swamp Hole is a narcissist herself. She will temporarily "change" but it never lasts that long and then her true self will come out. There is always an angle she is working to benefit herself. She has actually been "reasonable" in her email to DH. But she will reveal her game plan when we go to court next week.
I am going through exactly
I am going through exactly the same, frustrating thing at the moment! I think I would actually prefer BM to be vile all of the time! Like your BM, BM is a total narcissist (except she doesn't know what a narcissist is ha!) completely wrapped in up her own world and latest pregnancy.. my problem is though, that despite her recent foulness, SO seems to think that BM may have had a change of heart and simply want us all to friends (despite the fact she has made no attempt to befriend me). Don't fall for it, you're right (as I am) its probably the calm before the storm!