FDH doesn't consider our family to be 'blended'... opinions?
So, here it is.
FDH and I have had this discussion quite a bit lately... I guess I understand where he is coming from. But I disagree with him in the fact that we have a blended family.
FDH says that he only stayed with SD's BM, off and on, for 3 mo before he caught her cheating then he filed deviorce papers and left for good. I reconnected with him about 4 mo after their split, and met SD a month after that, she was 8 mo at the time.
After I had met SD I found out I was pregnant with my ex's baby... Needless to say my ex abandoned her in the womb, andFDH gladly took to roll as Daddy in her life.
I still consider us a blended family, bbecause I am a step mom, and SD is with us only 60% of the time. I have as much say with SD as FDH has, only because we openly discuss everything involving all of our children, including SD. But I still feel as though we have problems with BM, who doesn't right? And I often come to this site to see how other people deal with the crazy BM in their life. My FDH sees me reading some forum topics and becomes defensive, because he believes that we don't have a blended family.
His argument makes sense, I guess. He says that because I have been in SD's life for so long (she is 3 now) that she looks at me as a second mom. (Though she calls me by my name, my choice.) And my DD knows not that she has a sperm donor for a father, and a half sister thats 3 mo younger than she. She only knows FDH as Daddy.
My argument is that we are a blended family, because he chose to start a family with his ExW, and if she hadn't of cheated than they would still be together... And my DD and I would just be us.
Which would you say? Would you agree with my FDH? Or am I right? I just want to see what other people think, or if they have had a similar situation and if they consider their family to be blended?
Sorry for the length. Lol
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They way he talks about it,
They way he talks about it, it does seem that he thinks blended family is a negative term. Though its not, its just another , easier, way of explaining our family/life to people.
Thank you for the other
Thank you for the other view... I just didn't really understand why FDH won't accept our family as a blended one. But you totally put it into a perspective I get. So thank you again.
as long as you have a bm he
as long as you have a bm he can call it anything he wants it is a blended family.
Technically you are a blended
Technically you are a blended family but I believe that he views himself as the father of your daughter so for all intents and purposes that child is his by default.
as for his daughter, well that puts you squarely into the blended family mix due to the shared nature of the custody arrangement.
Blended or not as long as the kids are cared for and kids are treated like kids (adults in training) then intellectually at least it should all be good.
The first thing that came to
The first thing that came to my mind when I saw his defensiveness re forum topics is that maybe he doesn't want you to be reading this forum and finding out that what's happening is wrong wrong wrong.
I am married to a control freak who even wants to control what I think so I wind up sneaking around to read things on the internet.
But he has always had issues regarding enmeshment with BM(They have to maintain a "cordial" relationship "For the chiiiiiil-dren" dontcha know. And the miniwife thing was so bad I really thought there was something unsavory happening for a while.
Maybe if he wouldn't have gotten his stupid feelings hurt by seeing me read on here, I would have gotten the information I needed like the miniwife thing happens quite a bit in this sitch. I thought I had landed into a nest of completely evil perverts because I had never heard or witnessed anything that bizarre in my life.
Control freaks like to control everything. They don't want people in their lives to get information because then they can't tell them what to think and that they are wrong for feeling like things are FUBAR.
The truth of the matter is they want to blame us because if they can do that then they won't have to step up to the plate and do the right thing for us and the kids. Because if they try and do the right thing, they might make BM & SD mad-it's much easier to throw second wife under the bus and tell her it's her fault.
We don't have a blended family either.
It's been pureed.