Its the custodial parents money to offset the ncp portion of the kids living expenses. Good parents will do right by their kids no matter the circumstances and shit parents will do right by themselves no matter the rules put in place to force them. The time to pick the type of parent your kid will have is before laying down with trash.

In the state we live in CS is paid to the CP on a debit card, if the parents use the state's system. This card has no limitations on where and what it can be used for. I've been in the nail salon and saw the woman next to me pay with her CS debit card. I also saw one being used at the liquor store.

DH pays CS, we know that it does not go to the skids needs, it goes to BM's needs. There isn't anything we can do about it.

I do think both custody and cs needs an over haul. however crappy parents will find a way. But we can at least do what we can to cut that down. luckily I never had to worry about Bm spending the money on her. But we did gave a few times where she tried to tell skids that dh doesn't pay and that he should pay mire or that she doesn't have the money to feed them b/c dh doesn't pay enough. We did set that straight with the skids every single time. Mainly b/c she refuses to get a jib even though youngest is 14. According to Bm a job gets in the way!? I bet if dh quit his job b/c it got in the way she would throwing the biggest fit ever!

So yes there should be an over haul in cs and custody and they should not let cp use going to school ft as to not work. She can at least work pt. I did and my kids were fine. Both parents should be made to work period.

Child support is like paying a bill. The expense account it falls into is NCP's percentage of a child's food, shelter, medical and clothing expense. Therefore the bill is for your child's expenses to be paid to the CP. There is already a percentage that is calculated in a CS order for the CP's share of expenses. This percentage is assumed a direct expense incurred by the CP. You can say that this money is the CP's, but the bill came from your child's needs. I do not feel this is the CP's money. It is to be spent on the child's needs. IF any CP feels the money is theirs to do as they like they are greedy and selfish.

I don't think they should dictate how you spend the money but I still believe that both parents should be working. Period. I have 2 kids of my own who I raised mostly by myself. With no cs. So I get where you are coming from. But at the same time there really does need to an over haul if some sort and the ones that are doing right by their kids won't he griping as much as I shouldn't effect them.

Obviously, the CP is providing certain needs for the child (home, food) but in our case, they were minimal. We didn't care what BM spent the actual CS on but when SD had clothes that did not fit, shared a bedroom with her brother, and had to spend her own money (that she got for her attendance at summer school) on school supplies, that tended to piss us off.

And NCPs that pay a thousand dollars or more per child because of their income, well, it doesn't take a thousand a month to raise a child. Part of that money should go into a college account or something. You know those CPs are using that money for themselves.

The posts are always interesting to me. I deposit my entire paycheck into my and DH's joint account and we pay for all the kids (step and bio) expenses out of that account. My CS goes into my separate account and I use that to pay for select soccer fees, son's car payment and anything else I need.

If someone audited my CS spending it would look like I was wasting when the reality is that DH and I simply allocate the funds differently. My ex pays minimal support for three kids and rarely sees them so the real truth is that my Dh is paying the bulk of their daily expenses.

Custody and CS are decided on a case by case basis. The court has guidelines but it's up to the parties involved to argue and provide evidence to the court.

In my state the Judge himself advised that if my ex and I could get along to leave the CS services for the state out of it because they are incompetent. That says a lot to me. We do get along. My ex just deposits the money in my checking account each month. We are unusual I know.

What me and DH do to keep me accountable for BD's expenses is simple--for me at least. We take my total yearly bill for solely the necessities. Water, electricity, mortgage, property tax, oil (for heat), property insurance and calculate it by multiplying that by 1/6th. (DH lives in my house but I don't charge him for half of the mortgage or property tax because his name never will be on my deed, so since it's technically three people living in the house, her expenses would be 1/3rd, I am responsible for half of that, so it's 1/6th. DH pays for his third of utilities separate.). Then take her yearly diaper/formula/clothing expenses, divide it by half, and add it to the 1/6th number previously.

Last time I checked, it came out to $360 a month. Might be a little more since I don't have an accurate read on what the utilities will be in deep winter since we just moved in this past fall.

If you already hold yourself accountable and want no one to question you (I have quickbooks because I'm a budgeter--excel works too but i like looking at the charts) it's not that hard to figure it out. I take that money and it supplements my expenses--where I spend it doesn't matter AS LONG AS I continue to pay the expenses I currently have.

The only place where it's a little muddied up is the mortgage and property tax because I count him in the house but don't ask him to pay, which means I am paying for his portion even though I should be calculating it as only me and BD, so he should be paying 1/4th of that. However, he pays for all the groceries, so he pays for my portion already and it evens out.

Extra stuff, like her toys and furniture, is separate and we have to both agree to buy something, otherwise, the person who really wants to buy it pays for it in full.

I think if the courts did it this way, calculating the actual necessities of the entire household (shelter/utilities) and having the NCP pay for half of the kids portion based on the percentage of the time the CP has the , then made extra allotments for food/clothing (although not sure how this would work since if you're really frugal, you'd go to places like goodwill etc. instead of buying name brand stuff.) It might be a little fairer, and the CP would have to at least show they really are paying for that.

Just a thought. Lots of kinks to still work through.

I have said and will say again I am BM and SM. I am not giving anyone an accounting of my funds.

My children are well dressed, have a roof over their head, braces on their teeth, contacts and glasses, shoes, coats, personal items. Electric, heat and food. It is taken out of one big pot. I dont say, oh she needs shoes let me take CS and buy them. I say let me buy my daughter shoes. If I need my nails done I do it.

I almost feel like when I am on this sight that as long as I am collecting child support I should not be allowed out to dinner, to get my nails done, or get it colored. Like every dime I collect needs to be directly related to my children because I collect child support.

Well guess what? You can bitch if you have a single Mom and the only income she has is CS and she is out bar hopping and getting her nails done but her kid needs glasses and shoes. Or she doesnt have heat or electric. Then you can bitch. Outside of that its noones business how BM spends her money

There are CPs who misuse and abuse the system. There are deadbeat NCPs who only pay when forced to and otherwise couldn't care less (my DS23's father is $12K+ in arrears...STILL).

Only until the Family Court System is made fair for BOTH the mother and father will things change (ie. get better). Custody should be presumed at 50/50 unless one parent has proof that the other is not fit. Proof is NOT false accusations. PROOF IS PROOF. Mothers should not be given a pass - or a "slap on the wrist" - if they don't follow the COs or are abusive or neglectful.

Just like any OTHER court - innocent until proven guilty. No: "The mother is automatically the better parent and the father is the wallet." No NCPs being a "Defendant" in court papers. GO AFTER THE CP FOR NOT ADHERING TO THE PARENTING SCHEDULE AS MUCH AS YOU GO AFTER THE NCPS WHO DON'T PAY THEIR SUPPORT!!

Although I have seen plenty of CPs who were using CS for things that were most certainly NOT for the child, I do the same thing. However, my "child" lives on his own and I was his sole support for most of his childhood years so I spend the arrears on what I want. I also save some so that I can help out my son if he really needs it, without my DH having to be involved in what I give his stepson.

Just as the court system should be blind to the color of a person's skin, they most certainly should be blind to the genitals that are between a person's legs! TREAT BOTH PARENTS EQUALLY.

I don't know about the guidelines in anyone else's state... but in this state there is a phrase that says something like CS will be calculated based on income of CP and NCP; however alterations can be made in the amount paid by NCP so that the child can continue to live in the manner s/he has been accustomed.

So basically, how that worked for my DH is that because the BM was on a 6-month maternity leave for the kids when she filed for divorce, the CS calculation is based on her ZERO income and his total annual income. These kids are now almost aging out of the CS and it's STILL that way. BM has never worked, and still doesn't to this day because it's "too much to do when trying to raise children"

And yes, she's bellowed many times about the CS not being enough, and has often asked DH (and I) to pay for many expensive extras because she couldn't afford them. But all this time the kids were here every single weekend because she went out every single weekend to party. She loves to shop, gets her hair done all the time, mani/pedis, the whole ball of wax.

I agree with other posters that what makes it maddening is she has never been held responsible for CONTRIBUTING to the financial support of these kids by the courts -- they just stuck it to DH because he was employed and left her to skip off on her merry way. The least they could have done is impute minimum wage for her, as at this point in time it would make DH's CS go DOWN by $300 a month. But... he's less than a year away from it all coming to an end so it's not worth pursuing at this point in time. Each time he's tried to bring it up during the CS review, she'd present documentation that she was "in school". She's been "in school" since before I met DH 9 years ago and has yet to finish a single class (or obtain a degree) -- she'd enroll, attend a couple classes, then drop it. The question there is: she doesn't work, she can't get a student loan because she's defaulted on two or three of them, so who only knows where she gets the money to enroll/drop.

And as far as "supporting" the SK's - I agree that they are clean, they live in a nice house, etc. But any money that is given to them for birthdays, holidays (and I know DH's parents send the SK's money every single month, usually a couple hundred each) is either handed over to HER, or she makes them buy their own school clothes and pay for their own extracurriculars (like drivers ed, school fees, etc).

*sigh* with situations like this, where do you even begin?

I'm also annoyed at the fact that some people think the NCP is responsible for ALL the costs associated with the child.

No. If the NCP is paying $900 a month for a kid, that means the CP should be contributing $900 AS WELL.

Tell me you can't raise a child on $18effing00 a month. Holy crap that annoys the hell out of me.

IMHO- i think either parent should just request a review if there seems to be an issue. if you're DH is paying x-amount and it strongly appears to NOT be going to the skids, then file for a review hearing.

when changing custody, DH had to submit a 4-page financial affidavit that included everything from household stuff to class trips. i think it should work where BOTH parents have to submit that affidavit if either one requests.

sometimes it all boils down to just a huge annoyance, being rightfully indignant at its misuse, but not really worth it to fix if the kids basic needs are being met (esp. if it could come back on you negatively...)