Curbside please
Do you go to the door to exchange kids? Why or why not? Does your ex? Or bio mom?
If we go to the house to get my kids, I stay in the car unless they don't come out in about 3 minutes. Haha. I don't wait very long. I text that I am there. I know my ex & his wife absolutely hate when I go to the door, so I figure they should have them ready to leave.
My ex NEVER comes to my door. EVER. I think I would faint if he did. He was abusive & is still very scary & tries to intimidate me. I wouldn't really faint. I'd probably march myself outside onto the porch & he would probably faint then. Haha
DH goes to the door when he picks up kids 99% of the time. & not when he drops them back.
Bio mom has only come to our door ONE time in four years. (I marched myself to porch, that's all it took, custody evaluator said we both should go to porch if she comes to house bc of her obsession with home) The home we love in was their family home whole married & 2 custody evaluator & one counselor have said she is fixated on our home & is still attached to it. We have been told it's best to not do exchanges at our home & in two years I think it's happened maybe four times. She looks straight ahead, parks on street, not in the drive & it's very odd. I hate the feeling of having her near our home. Before I was with DH he says bioom would walk into the house if it was unlocked, without knocking! He would tell her that's not okay but that it happened a couple of times & she would come back into kids room area!
It's sad that it's that way but in both cases evaluators & counselors are involved. Both DH & I were the peacemakers in our past marriages & we put up with WAY too much. Both cheated. My ex fits the definition of a ssocialpath & his is a compulsive liar. It's not easy. Also the exes talk to each other. They are constantly working to take away from us, we are in court a lot. Still we put up with WAY too much. It's been this way for four years. We go thru times of peace (when bio mom & my ex are fighting)
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BM rarely picks up SS10 at
BM rarely picks up SS10 at our house but when she does she will tell us what time she is coming. About 10 minutes before the time she is supposed to be there, we open the front door (leave the storm door closed) so we can see when she pulls into the driveway. We also tell SS10 to get ready to go. So as soon as she pulls in the driveway he goes out to the car.
If BM is dropping him off at our house (again this is rare) she will not come to our door, she just drops him off in the driveway.
When SS10 was little DH used to walk up to BM's door to pick him up & drop him off. As SS10 has gotten older, DH stopped doing that and instead gets out of the car in the driveway & hugs SS10 goodbye. Then SS10 walks inside.
Most of the time we do exchanges at a gas station (1/2 way point between houses) or at my MIL's house.
I wish things could be that
Exchanges happen at the
Exchanges happen at the school after school so that avoids most of that issue. On non-school days the one time since the CO went into effect that we had to go get the kids BM felt it necessary to walk them to the car she tried to converse with SO who completely ignored her rolled up his window and told the kids to get in and buckle. She has tried to send the kids (his son actually) into fits of crying with horrible PAS so that SO would have to walk out to her car to get them, the last time I told SO get inside stop acting a fool and I walked out turned on my video camera she sung a new tune quick told ss to stop his foolish crying he said "but mommy I don't want you to get sick from missing me!" (yep that' what she'd tell him) she said "where did you get such a silly idea I've never been sick from missing you I'm fine I'm always fine go inside go the F inside G*d damn it!" SS had already told us this is why he cried at exchanges cause BM would say she might die without them, get sick without them, or all the fun they were going to do but they would miss out because daddy was mean and made them see him. Hence why exchanges are at school now, CO was finalized and BM doesn't care to PAS much anymore because she lost.
That was happening with my
That was happening with my SD7 for a while. She would say "mommy can't get out of bed when we are not at her house." That's what she told my DH when he asked why she was crying. She told the counselor this, she never cried again during an exchange. My son who has special needs was very difficult during transitions before his dad remarried. He was telling him he's lonely, your mom has her husband, I have no one.
Can you really have BM
Can you really have BM arrested if she comes to my door? She dropped the kids off the other day and wanted to argue with DH. I didn't expect her to be there so I open the door saying hi to the kids and she's stood there looking fugly and very hostile. She doesn't even say hello back just demands to see DH. I said I'd get him and I slammed the door in her face. I don't want her to come to my door, I own the house. How can I stop her? So far she's just parked on the road but this is a new move by her. Help?
I think you should start with
I think you should start with having DH send an email stating there will be NO COMMUNICATION at exchanges bc it is causing tension during exchanges & transitioning for the children is difficult when they see this. Welcome her to send an email if necessary to inform your DH of anything that needs communicated. IF she doesn't comply & there's another situation have DH send an email stating this is the 2nd and final email he will be sending & if she does this again you will have her trespassed from the house & will be forced to stay in the car at the curb legally.
Thank you for responding. DH
Thank you for responding. DH is going to tell her just that and see if it works. I'm English and not familiar with US laws, can I have her removed even if she is at the front door on the door step but not in the house?
You have to warn her that she
You have to warn her that she is not wanted. Because she's transporting children it's sticky. But you have reason. Document it with email. Not verbal. In first email be very clear this is the expectation. No communication in front of the children & give reason why. It got heated. Don't want kids in the middle of adult issues, Etc. If it happens again in the 2nd email state that you will have her trespassed if she continues. And if she does print out emails & take them to the police station. And she will have to not step foot on residence property. It's very simple.
That's perfect, thank you.
That's perfect, thank you. This dating a man with kids is a whole new experience for me and it seems very little is my choice or under my control. So it's reassuring that although my once peaceful home is now reguarly invaded by the SD10 and SS8, I have a choice not to have it invaded by the phsycho BM. Phew!!
when things are good with the
when things are good with the ex we will go to each others doors which is about 95 % of the time. if we are in the middle of a court battle it is curbside. if your relationship with BM is not on good terms it should be curbside. it cuts down the he said she said shit
I've told this story before
I've told this story before but will again.
I had to drive because DH didn't have a license or a car when I met him. First BM threw a fit and said that my DH had to come to her door when picking up the skids. He did. She never had them ready (7 and 6 years old) and would try a bunch of feeble excuses to get DH to come into her house. Maybe she felt like she has a special power over him if he crosses her threshold? I have no idea. All I know is he was right to not go in there. That would have pissed me off!
Then DH found out that the skids took the garbage out all the time. That was around the garage and out of eyesight. Whereas going from BM's door to our car was about 10 feet in full view of everyone. So, he quit going up to the door. BM didn't have a comeback so this went on for a little while.
Then she decided that I was no longer allowed to park in her driveway. Okay, fine. I parked on the street in front of her house. THEN she claimed I was not allowed to park in front of her house. I laughed and said to DH to tell her to call the cops because they probably needed a laugh, dealing with someone who thought she had control over a PUBLIC street!
Then she decided that I was no longer allowed to transport the skids, that DH would have to do it. Now, remembering that DH didn't have a car or license and BM was WELL aware of this. Still, we played her little game. We would switch drivers a block before her house and switch back a block away after the skids were in the car. ::sigh::
Then BM did two very wonderful things. 1. She came out on her lawn screaming at us because of ?? who knows. We were all so flabbergasted that I have no idea what she was even screaming about. Poor skids didn't say a WORD for at least an hour after that! 2. She decided to take the skids OUT OF SCHOOL FOR A MONTH so she could go on vacation. Of course, she never notified DH. We went up to pick up the skids for visitation and nobody was around. A two hour drive for nothing.
These were wonderful things for her to do to us because it finally woke my DH up (along with my prodding) that he needed to get parenting time in the CO and not just leave it up to BM who he was so sure was going to be reasonable about things. HA! Not only did he get HIS rights listed in the CO, he also asked for and received a No Contact Order because of her harassment AND exchanges done at a third-party neutral exchange place. Those two things alone were probably what saved our relationship. I really doubt if I could have continued to put up with BM's hysterics EOWe for that many years!