Anyone feel this way too?
Not really a vent, more so feelings :? On Friday my FDH and I threw a sleep over birthday party for my FSD. We spent quite a bit of money and time making sure the party was a success and it was. I guess sometimes I wonder why I put so much effort into someone else's child. (I don't have kids of my own....yet) I am spending a lot of my resources both time and money on someone else's child while her mother tries to skate by financially and with her time. I guess it will be better once I have my own child because I can truly feel appreciated as a parent. I can't wait!
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Sometimes I wish I took that
Sometimes I wish I took that stance to begin with (not spending money on FSD except special events) but I didn't so I think it would just hurt my relationship with FDH if I stop now. I help pay for stuff that BM won't and if I stop FSD can't participate in the activity. I think when I have my child it will make this easier. I already told FDH that I will be cutting my financial help for FSD when we have kids.
If your decision to spend or
If your decision to spend or not spend YOUR money the way you want will hurt your relationship, it may be time to take a hard look at things.
Fear of losing a man should notvdrive your spending. You shouldn't have to buy a man.
What you are having to do tog
What you are having to do tog is what I would be doing... Paying more of the household bills or paying for any activities that I want to do with my FDH so to me that's the same thing. I am paying more so he can pay for is daughters stuff. I do wish I would have never started paying for FSD stuff like I have, but it's too late now. All I can do now is not pay for any additional bills.
It's not to late. There's
It's not to late. There's nothing wrong with saying you made a mistake and changing the way you do things going forward.
You guys are completely
You guys are completely right! I guess I'm just waiting for when I have my own child to give me an excuse to completely stop financially. I don't mind helping with some stuff but I don't think there should be anything that just he and I pay for.
I spent an awful lot of money
I spent an awful lot of money subsidising DH and my stepchildren. To begin with I was happy to do it, I could afford it and I felt like it was investment in our family. Much later I realised that that support wasn't really understood or appreciated by DH or my stepchildren - not that they were actively ungrateful, just that it didn't really make any difference to their appreciation of me and it certainly didn't affect whether we gelled as a family. Even worse I was indirectly subsidising BM as well by enabling DH to avoid putting pressure on her.
Now I have my own children and I am a SAHM I regret depleting my savings by contributing so much for so long, and often in an intangible and unrecorded way. I am more conscious of my own financial future and my children's financial security. Like stepdown says you can never get that money back. It would really be worth reviewing your financial arrangements with your partner and/or starting to keep records of your contribution. It all adds up - if you wouldn't give your partner thousands of dollars with no expectation of being paid back, then consider whether you want to do exactly that in a piecemeal fashion, bit by bit, without his even really appreciating that that's what you are doing.