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no more punishments here

beb8612's picture

Submitted by beb8612 on Fri, 11/01/2013 - 7:28pm

SD8 has been seeing a counselor about her compulsive lying among her other behaviors. After tonight's session she called us in to talk and stated that SD lies because she is afraid to be punished so it is best to not punish her and then she apparently will stop lying to get out of trouble. WTF? DH completely buys into this so from now on there are no more punishments in this household. When she hides her poop filled underwear all over her room we are supposed to tell her that we found them and are washing them for her. When she kicks her brothers tooth out she is supposed to do something nice for him, like read him a book, instead of getting in trouble, no punishments at all. Awesome...guilty dad syndrome is back in full.

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GoodbyeNormaJean's picture

Submitted by GoodbyeNormaJean on Fri, 11/01/2013 - 7:51pm

My head just exploded from reading this.

SD6 tried to pull the same shit here. She's ODD and told her mom and therapist that she's afraid of me.

I said "I bet she is. She equates consequences for her actions with punishment, and she doesn't like to be punished. I'm the only one that punishes her EVER so I can totally see why she would say something like that."

Then I flipped the table on DH. "I'm sorry she's afraid of me. I don't want to terrorize her any further, so she won't be able to be here every other week. I'll miss you during those weeks when you are away parenting her, but I understand."

Wait, what? Aaaaand that was the end of that shit.

GoodbyeNormaJean's picture

Submitted by GoodbyeNormaJean on Fri, 11/01/2013 - 9:33pm

Seriously, an 8 year old child hiding a pantload of crap in the house really sounds like the kid has a short circuit somewhere. That's not developmentally age appropriate. It's weird, and it sounds like this kid needs some SERIOUS structure, to include clearly defined rules and consequences.

I didn't say punishment, I said CONSEQUENCES. One of which would be having her ass tied in a knot if she intentionally kicked my child's tooth out.

Lalena75's picture

Submitted by Lalena75 on Fri, 11/01/2013 - 10:17pm

Stupidest thing I've heard. Time for a new therapist. skids do this they lie to get out of trouble so lying is a SECOND and special punishment that takes place if and after punishment for the actual offense. We are very clear about separating them (I was this type of liar as a kid and this is what my parents did and it worked). So lets say sd "forgets" she isn't supposed to touch things that aren't hers and so something was broken, she has to do a chore to pay for the broken thing then because "I forgot" or "I don't know" as well as "I didn't do it" are lies SO might give her a spanking or a long time out. We never extend a single punishment as punishment for both always separate so they get that lying makes things worse. when they are honest they still get punished but SO makes a big deal out of less time out, or less spanking, or less whatever for being honest.