Just feel like crying!!
Since getting full custody of SS5 my whole world has turned upside down. Its been a never ending cycle of play therapy (because of how badly BM has messed him up), 40 mile round trip every morning to take him to school bcos social services said it was too much change to put him thru changing school and coming to live with us. (They just gave us the ok last wk to put him in the same school my BS goes to) I've had to change my hours at work, the only time I am not with him is when I'm at work! (I need the car for work and DH van only has 2 seats so he cant take the boys or pick them up and he works wkends)
SS is very behind with his education mainly due to BMs neglect but DH and his family baby him so they have to take some responsibility for that too. I run around making flashcards, buying number game books, playing cards to help him count etc I am constantly trying to think of ways to help him. I cook his favourite foods buy him treats and give him all the attention I can. I spend more time with him than my own son!!
So I pick him up from school today and his teacher has made a care plan for him to help him catch up. When his teacher asked him who he thought might help him at home he says 'Daddy not (insert my name) she doesn't help, only my daddy'
I don't know what to do. DH backs me up and will always call SS out when he disrespects me (which is a lot) He is consistent with disciplining him too. I just don't know what to do now. If I disengage I feel like that's punishing DH bcos he needs my help. But on the other hand I have worked so hard to build a relationship up with the school and now he is making out I'm some horrible stepmonstor who doesn't care. Luckily SS teacher taught my son when he was in year 1 so she knows me. I just feel so humiliated and embarrassed.
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Comments
" DH backs me up" THIS is
" DH backs me up"
THIS is the key to EVERYTHING!! As long as biodad backs you up and is on the same page as you, then your chance of success is at least 50/50. If biodad DOESN'T back you up your chance is less than zero. It' going to be some very, very hard work to get him straightened around.
It wasn't always that way
It wasn't always that way believe me but DH is getting much better at seeing SS is not little prince do no wrong!
Ha you just brought a smile
Ha you just brought a smile to my face thanks
and you def have a point I knew he was broken so I guess I shouldn't act surprised. It was just one of those 'please ground swallow me up' moments. Just another day in step world.
The final straw was that she
The final straw was that she strangled him and put him in hospital (punishment because he knocked over a glass)
This is just the last in a long line of terrible abuse ranging from neglect and not feeding him, to burning him with the iron, locking him in a cupboard and the list goes on. We fought and fought but she always won in court/with social services etc so he always ended up going back. (she is an excellent actress and the injuries were always 'accidental')
Not this time tho. Her oldest daughter came clean about the abuse all four of her kids have suffered so she has had all the minor children removed from her. He is not going back this time.
I keep telling myself his actions are not his fault and I feel terrible for him after what hes been through. I guess I just thought I was getting somewhere and not doing all of this running around for nothing!
In my previous blogs I've
In my previous blogs I've talked about how she had me hauled away by police saying I had caused bruising on him. I was investigated by police and social services for 3 months last year. It was pure hell. Investigation totally exhonorated me but showed up that she wasn't looking after her kids properly so she was sent to parenting classes. We have been fighting to make social services see that this woman is a maniac but because she 'engages with them' and 'ticks their boxes' by turning up at parenting workshops they give the kids back. Its taken two years to finally get them to see sense. her older children 18, 16 and 10 finally spoke out after she strangled SS and confirmed that this was treatment they all got as kids. the 18yr old is already living on her own, the 16yr old moved in with her dad and the 10yr old has been given to his paternal grandparents (all different dads). Social services still say their end game is to 'reunite both minors with their mother' yeh the words snowball and hell spring to mind. I've made contact with his older siblings grandma bcos I don't want him to lose contact with his siblings and the stories she has told me about what they have been through would just make you wanna cry. There is no justice system only a legal system the two are not the same!!
We have but bcos the police
We have but bcos the police never press charges and social services deem that all she needs is 'support' and the judge always sides with them. Even now that she has strangled him and her older children have all confirmed that this is her 'go to' move, social services are still on her side. We have said that we don't feel its safe for her to have contact but they have said that is 'severe'. They are recommending 'supervised contact in the community' i.e her and her mum take him to Macdonalds. As I said before 'snowball, hell'
We are waiting for the next court date to see what the judge has to say this time but I don't hold out much hope.
His older siblings grandma has been fighting for 10yrs and has still got nowhere.
Wait we can't hang signs like
Wait we can't hang signs like that on the skids when we are the decent people who care and BM is a POS. Dammit I was so working on those.
I feel for you. 25 min spent the other night getting ss to read the word dinosaur and dinosaurs. He could read dinosaurs but for the ever loving life of him could not read dinosaur we'd get dinor, dino, and tears then dinor. We'd go back to dinosaurs and we'd get dinosaurs take away the S and he'd go full stupid. It was the most ridiculous thing ever. Why because no ones ever worked with him on words that mean 1 (dinosaur) versus more than 1 (dinosaurs) and even with pictures of 1 dinosaur, and more than one it took 25 min to get the concept for one freaking word. SO I totally empathize with the feelings your having. It won't be me that gets credit for that work but it will be me getting the headache over it while BM does nothing.
Have you been reading my
:jawdrop: Have you been reading my diary!! That is life in our house every day!! Soul destroying isn't it!
As regards the schooling, one
As regards the schooling, one of my SD's was having trouble with reading and math, we put her into the Kumon program for both and noticed a massive difference. I don't know whether you may have that where you are, but maybe it would help with the schooling issues at least? (I'm thinking one less problem to contend with, if that makes any sense).
My grandmother once said to me that the most valuable gifts you can give a child are your love, time and attention. You're doing the best you can, pat youself on the back and BUGGER what anyone else thinks!!