Advice please? :( Not sure how to feel
Ok, I'm a stepmom to two wonderful children born from my now-Husband and his ex-wife, she is now lesbian and has a current life partner. I have no problem with her orientation, the problem is me feeling as if there is too many women that I am competing against. All the things the gf gets to teach her and such. Maybe I'm jealous that I'm not the only other woman (bonus mom) in their lives.
Not only am I constantly being judged by the mother, now her girlfriend. Is it normal to feel this weird and put off by the notation of being judged by not just the bio mom but the bio mom's gf too? :?
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Wow. I'm so sorry you are
Wow. I'm so sorry you are feeling all these things! I'm sure it is normal, I'm not in your situation, but if BM's new DH judged me or critized me, I would be upset. Is that the same, idk. I see what you are saying about feeling like you are competing, but try not to feel it's a competition. I know, that's probably way easier for me to say cause I'm not you. Maybe knowing that the more positive role models (real ones! lol) your stepkids have in their lives, the better chance that they will be good people when they grow up.
Thank you for this. I
Thank you for this. I shouldn't feel as if this is a competition. Maybe its my new step-mom mentality kicking my butt. Need to work real hard at changing my perspective.
Sometimes I also feel like
Sometimes I also feel like its too many cooks in the kitchen. I respect my role as their bonus mom, I am not trying to replace or obtain MOM status. I will feel sad if they call the girlfriend bonus mom too. Okay, pity selfish me is done ranting
I agree with your whole
I agree with your whole comment. I must separate myself from the childish behavior of the giggling two women bashing me.
Sometimes I am informed that my hunting, not vegetarian, traditional marriage (man/woman) lifestyle is going to warp the children. I mean come on...warp them. Not so. Now whats funny is the kids Bio Mom was traditional Tahoe driving soccer mom meat eater (lots of stereotypes) prior to the life-style change and I commend her dedication. But ganging up and trying everything to throw me under the bus is ridiculous and as you stated "high-school"
I graduated high-school and college. No need to go backwards
Thank you Brie for the
Thank you Brie for the wonderful advice. I shouldn't give a shit but I seem to still care. I spend, like you said, so much energy dappling into her life. Why/What/Who/Where about BM. Hours complaining. I am wasting my time with this. Like you said. I need to be me and her be her. Draw the line there.
When bm found out me and dh
When bm found out me and dh were serious, her and her girlfriend (the one she left dh and SS for, 6 years prior) came to dh's house, pippd his tires with tacks and put sugar in his gas tank. They did his more than once - all in an effort for bm to show dh that she was the head bitch in charge, even though she had no desire to play mommy to her son or be involved with dh.
I urged dh to file like reports and we now have a restraining order against her.
Butchea be crazy.
That's one crazy broad you
That's one crazy broad you have sticking around. How can she feel she has any authority to be in charge when she clearly dumped her mom role to play 20-year old house again. Sorry to hear she be crazy on your DH. That's highly over the line.
Glad you got a restraining order against her. It's those actions that not only take away her power but those actions poison a child, not lifestyle/orientation/religious choices etc.
Keep your head up girl!
You are uniquely you, no one
You are uniquely you, no one else can be the person you are, or can have the same relationship with the skids that you do - no matter how many cooks are in the kitchen, you still bring your own *flavor*
One thing I learned that helped me IMMENSELY in my situation was to not worry what other people may think of me or how they may be judging me- because what other people may think is NONE of my business, and they probably spent less time thinking about me than I of them. It was hard, very hard for me to let go of that notion, but once I did, I just enjoyed what was happening in my life with the DH and Skids and didn't give a thought or waste any more of my precious energy about what "competition" I may or may not have. The biggest competition was myself! And finally, almost 6 years later, I feel much less stressed out and peaceful at home. GOod luck to you