I need your help step talkers and I've only gotten one reply to this.
Please view the below thread and help me see WTF is going on.
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Please view the below thread and help me see WTF is going on.
Comments
Your husband is an ass and
Your husband is an ass and should have stayed single or stayed with BM. He is obviously still attached to her emotionally.
I would be pissed about all of it.
WTF is going on is your
WTF is going on is your husband is being an asshole. Talking bad about you to his EX is just reinforcing her thoughts that they still have a chance to be together. She is making his life miserable and difficult because of her misery. She wants to be with your DH. And by the sounds of it, your DH is making her think she has a chance. I also assume that your DH, as the other posted stated, is still attached to this woman.
You shouldn't be in this relationship. Your husband is a complete asshat.
I would not tolerate that for one minute. You don't deserve that. You deserve better and your asshole of a husband deserves his EX. Just my two cents.
I don't think that it's
I don't think that it's reinforcing her ideas that they have a chance to be together. What I do think it does is reinforce that it's her and him and their kids and everyone else falls behind.
I especially liked it when she asked me if I would take their kids when she goes into labor so that her mother can be there with her (DH will be out of town crabbing for the week). I'm struggling, and she knows it, with the fact that I lost a child and that I'll never have another child because we can't afford one(go figure with DH constantly having to make sure that his kids are taken care of at BMs). If I were to bring this up to DH he would brush it off as she's just needs help. WTF ever. She's doing it to rub it in my face that I lost our baby and she's having one. She has plenty of friends and family and she doesn't like me nor trust me around her children (she has stated this on more than one occassion). Other than being a passive aggressive b!tch and trying to hurt me there's no other reason for it.
DH would come unhinged and probably yell at me if I even mentioned this or how I feel about this to him so I haven't.
"I don't think that it's
"I don't think that it's reinforcing her ideas that they have a chance to be together. What I do think it does is reinforce that it's her and him and their kids and everyone else falls behind."
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Whether it's this^^^ or something else, it screams loud and clear that your husband doesn't respect you enough to stand up and put a stop to it. I would NOT watch HER kids while their FATHER is out of town. If he isn't available to watch HIS kids, then their mother needs to figure it out.
If you're not happy in this marriage then you need to voice ALL of your concerns and issues to your husband. If he isn't willing to see that he is hurting you, or if he doesn't care enough to change, then it falls on you. In the end, it's YOUR decision. If You're not happy then it is your responsibility to make yourself happy. This is what I would do.
I agree Sueu2.
I agree Sueu2.
I understand what you guys
I understand what you guys are saying but my DH makes me feel like I'm crazy for being upset about any of this. Like it's something that happens all of the time in blended families and I'm just to dumb to know.
This is why I'm asking for some help. I just want to know if he's crossing some major boundaries here because he seems to think I'm crazy for even bringing anything up and has no problem telling me so.
A second opinion is always helpful.
You are not crazy, it does
You are not crazy, it does happen in blended families but that does not mean it's acceptable or right, and he is definitely crossing boundaries (as a lot of men in these situations do).
Him making you think you are the crazy one, is him saying he is not going to change.
I apparently forgot to put
I apparently forgot to put this part in the post or any of my prebious responses. I took a 401k loan out a couple of months ago and DH wants to use what's left to pay for the amount that will be owed to the IRS at the end of the year.
So instead of not working with BM if she's not willing to work with him I'm expected to pay for his choice to go ahead and give BM the EICs = 20K that she's not eligable for and I'll just cover the additional cost of her being a uncooperative b!tch and pay the IRS.
On what planet does this even make sense. Oh. I forgot. It's my fault, or atleast it will be in the future, that this is even happening.
I don't think they are using
I don't think they are using me. I just think that they don't care as long as DH can keep the piece with BM and find some way to justify everything "in the name of his kids" is all that matters. DH doesn't have to deal with BM attacking him, which she will eventually in the future unless he gives into her everytime, so he wins. That's all that matters to him.
Apparently BM not being prepared to support or house an additional child means that instead of BM paying rent like most people do when they can't afford to buy a house, DH will come to the rescue, "in the name of his kids" because kids living in rentals is considered child abuse right?
I just don't get it. She made to choise to have another child. She has been pregnant for amost a year. She has had time to figure her sh!t out and she didn't. In reality, she would have to move her family into a home that someone else owns and pay them a monthly rent. I know that I would never expect my ex to help me with a down payment on a home because I got pregnant again. I would do what everyone else does in this country and pay rent if that's what it came down to. And I wouldn't think for one second that I wasn't providing for my BD or was providing a bad life because I didn't own my own home.
"I don't think that it's
"I don't think that it's reinforcing her ideas that they have a chance to be together. What I do think it does is reinforce that it's her and him and their kids and everyone else falls behind."
"I understand what you guys are saying but"
"I don't think they are using me."
I'm sorry to sound mean, uncaring, or even rude here, however, if you look up here^^ It seems as though you're making excuses. You know this situation you're in is wrong. If you didn't have a problem with it then you wouldn't be here. You know what you need to do. It doesn't matter if you get 15 replies or 156 replies to your blogs, and by the way, we're all giving the same advice. We're all in different situations, we all have different lives, experiences, ideas, and opinions on this board, but at this point we're all giving you the same advice and it seems like you're not wanting to hear it.
Please stop making excuses for someone who is using you, doesn't respect you and is gas lighting you.
Sweetie, your husband and his
Sweetie, your husband and his ex are using you and in the end you will be the one emotionally, mentally and financially destroyed. Please take everyone's advice and get out of this marriage now.
^^^this is how I feel about
^^^this is how I feel about it too^^^ and OP has your DH even considered what messages he could be giving the ex when he decides to badmouth you to her? They have counselors for that and your DH should make himself an appointment if he has issues that he needs to talk about if he can't discuss them with you.
The consider this .... Your
The consider this ....
Your husband is so caught up in the craziness and guilt of not being there every night to tuck his babies into bed he cannot deal with the separation anxiety. Hence he will move heaven and earth so that his kids never 'suffer' because their parents are divorced. And seeing his ex knows how to play him he will do whatever she wants.
This is how far I allowed my DH to carry that baggage ... He said the boys didn't have to do dishes at our place because they have to do dishes at their mothers place. And I said "Oh, so they are doing 2x as much dishes or the same amount? Unless they are eating 2 meals a night... Oh and we have a working dishwasher, she doesn't. The cook doesn't do dishes so until they decide to make dinner for us they are not off the hook." And it ended right there.
In your case your DH has loyalty to his children (and by default their mother) first, second and third. Not you. Not any kids you might have. His kids get it all. In your situation I would slowly and quietly plan my exit from his life. You do not matter except for your financial income and a bed warmer. Sadly he doesn't even realise what he is doing is so very wrong and very sad. There isn't room in his life for you or any other woman. This isn't personal. Just no one will ever replace his kids as his priority. So therefore he should be honest and stay single so he can heap all his awake time on their happiness.
Consider his life is a TV show. He is the main character, his kids have supporting roles, his ex is the regular cameo appearance. And you are the road crossing lady outside the school who we never see unless the kids are going to and from school and even then you are limited to the same lines over and over again.
This man should not be re-married. He should probably be divorced but he certainly should not be re-married. Because he is married to his kids and (again by default) his ex.
{{{{{HUGS}}}}} I agree with
{{{{{HUGS}}}}}
I agree with you - you are the third wheel. He is still emotionally married to the ex. You are the other woman.
First off, in the case of the
First off, in the case of the taxes, fraud is fraud is fraud. They get caught you get pulled in as an accessory. Everybody's money and real estate will be confiscated to satisfy the fines and the debt. There may even be jail time for dh, bm and you for not stopping the fraud. You can't claim ignorant spouse because you just posted about their plan on a public forum. So your first step is to try to financially sever yourself from dh. Put your money in accounts he has no access to, you do not have access to any of his accounts.
Now leave his manipulative ass. Thi guy is still mentally attached to bm. There is no room for you unless you're into polygamy and even then you'll always come in third. Not my idea of fun.