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Emergency! SD "Moved" in with us last night-I am freaking out.

HappyCow's picture

:jawdrop: I don’t even know how to start this story. I have posted before about BM’s crazy seems to follow the cycles of the moon. Some weeks she is a normal functioning member of society and others she is bat shit crazy and no one can predict what she will do next. DH and I have always wondered why SD15 would want to live in that situation but we always respected her choice to live with the werewolf.

Every couple of months something happens where SD15 threatens to leave her BM and come live with us which usually results in BM becoming mother of the year and giving SD15 whatever she wants to stay. BM not only needs the income we provide but also SD15 provides a lot of babysitting at her BM’s home to three other step siblings.

Last night DH receives a phone call from SD15 to please come and get her that she is ready to come live with us she can’t handle her BM any more. Apparently, the fight on the way home from cheerleading practice was so bad that BM started to slap and hit her in the car. According to SD15 she was trying not to talk to her BM because she recognized she was in one of her moods and no matter what she would have said she knew she was going to get yelled at or punished. SD15 admitted she was getting “sassy” with her BM earlier in the day.

DH calls BM after getting off the phone with SD15 to find out what is happening. BM says “yes, I can’t handle her anymore and I am sick of the fighting. Come and get her”. DH proceeds to drive 45 minutes to pick up SD15.

I feel it necessary to provide a little background on my DH. He grew up with a horribly abusive alcoholic single mother that would regularly beat him or punish him for minor offences. He has always resented his Dad for not coming to rescue him as a child and get him out of the situation he was in. It was so bad when DH was a freshman in high school that he ran away to live with his best friend and his family. I consider this family my in-laws because DH considers them his parents and they are truly the best fake in laws a girl can ask for. I think the reason DH always wants to run and rescue SD15 is because he still holds the resentment from his Dad not “saving” him as a child.

DH and SD15 get home last night and we started to discuss what happened and if SD15 really wanted to come live with us. We went over that she will have to switch schools, no more cheer team, and all the other adjustments we could think of. We told SD15 that she needs to think long and hard about this decision that if we could through the process of retaining a lawyer and switching her school that there is no turning back until the summer. We are not flip flopping and she is too far away for her to attend her current school. Last night she seemed on board and ready to live with us. She doesn’t want to live with her unpredictable mom anymore.

I think two things are going on here. 1) BM is calling SD15 bluff and is expecting her to come back home (I agree) or 2) SD15 is bluffing and wants BM to come crawling back to her.

BM did send a rambling incoherent text last night about her side of the story. Not a lot of it made sense but what did stand out to me was she said she is tired of SD15 not getting punished for the way she talks/treats adults. I agree with this 100% both BM and DH are terrified of parenting this child. They both worry that she will choose the other or not want to come and visit anymore.

I also worry because we only have SD15 EOW and have had that schedule for years. How well do we really know this kid? Sure, we get her for vacations and long weekends every now and then but we have never had to deal with her day in and day out.
I was in bed last night and prayed to please have SD15 go back to her BM’s. I know that I should want her to have a stable environment but I have a happy and calm household with just me, DH and DD5.

DH is calling an attorney that is good friends with my mom at 9:00 this am.

I pray that SD15 wakes up this morning and decides she wants to go home to BM

Comments

Rags's picture

Call 911 and report BMs assault on her daughter. Make that witch pay for her behavior. Now, if SD initiated the physical fight, let the cops come take her away.

IMHO of course.

HappyCow's picture

That is one of things that DH is going to discuss with the lawyer this morning. I have read on here before that it takes a lot to prove that a parent is abusive and not within the rights as a parent to punish the child as they seem fit. SD15 has no visable marks on her.

DaizyDuke's picture

Ugh I feel for you...my SD15 just moved in with us in April and I hate every freaking second of it. SD is a master manipulator who has the art of playing DH against BM and vice versa to get exactly what she wants, when she wants it down to a science. She is also honing her manipulation talents on pitting DH again me. I am to the point where I think I hate this girl. I have to say I wonder how much of what SD15 told you was exaggerated and or fabricated to get what she wants.

I hope you have a better go of things than I am having. Sad

HappyCow's picture

I have often wondered if DH did need counseling for his past but I can tell you that he is one of the most well adjusted people I have ever met. I think he has made peace with it expect at times where he feels the need to save his daughter. He has made peace with his dad. It's DH's fault he married someone so similar to his mother.