If my dh cheated on me...I'd take him to the cleaners
Purples blog got me to thinking about this. Not sure the woman on Dr. Phil got cheated on, but I absolutely support anyone taking a cheating spouse to the cleaners financially in a divorce.
You play, you pay.
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My ex cheated on me not that
My ex cheated on me not that but accused me of doing it, but I did not take him to the cleaners. Why? B/c I knew that he had to have something to be able to support his kids when he had them. Not fair to my kids and not right if you are truly putting your kids above the hate you have for your ex.
I wouldn't. I picked well
I wouldn't. I picked well with DH. He's a good man. If he cheated on me, there would have to be more to the story than that. I treat him well. We're good to each other. I'm good to his kids. We agree on what's important. Fidelity is important to him. For him to cheat....there'd have to be a real disconnect...more than he could create on his own without me noticing.
OMG, I've missed you and your
OMG, I've missed you and your hilarious tag line... that is all
I don't think I would,
I don't think I would, generally if a man treated me poorly I would just cut them off. I wouldn't want to depend on his money. I just wouldn't want anything from them. I feel like taking his money would be givinghim the satisfaction of knowing I needed him or something from him, and I don't.
Speaking as someone who has
Speaking as someone who has been cheated on I'm not going to take him to the cleaners. I just want to get on with my life and I make enough to take care of baby and I just fine without him stealing money from me. I do believe he should pay child support for his baby. Even if I didn't have a job I would get one rather than depend on someone else my whole life. IMO being vindictive forever is not worth it.
most women tend to think this
most women tend to think this way. but guess what. i was the cheater, it is not punishable here but it doesnt matter because noone knows what happened with in these walls or with in my marriage. it was over.
there have to be serious issue in a marriage that a person can steo outside of it. there may be one cheater but there are two resonsible parties.
nobody gets rewarded when someone cheats. it isnt a crime.
women with the cut your balls off Im gonna take ya for every dime you can get need to realize they will be much happier just moving it on instead of harboring the hurt and hate. life goes on
I like your honesty and you
I like your honesty and you brought up excellent points here. I too messed up in my first marriage but in the end, we both went our own ways and we ended up ahead bc of it. Many will call me wrong for cheating, I wasn't allowed to come home for 2 out of the 3 years we were in the long distance relationship. I was honest enough to admit my actions and in my heart, I still believe to this day that my ex had cheated too though I don't care but I have had my suspensions all along. Everyone that knows me in person and the depths of that situation, they all pushed me to take him to the cleaners. I refused to and it was the best decision I made bc we both done our share of wrong doings and simply grew apart.
On the other hand, we had no kids so there was never added worries of the CS and that type of stuff. Even if we did have a child or two, I honestly believe that we would have worked together as a team separated or not for the sake of the kid{s}.
I admitted to cheating and he put us into a $350,000 debt after I told him "no, unless we have 350,000 that we can just throw away and not miss then don't sign them papers" and he still did it behind my back. Needless to say, we both were stupid and messed up.
If I may I'd like to just
If I may I'd like to just point out something here. If you still feel shame and guilt over your past actions, that means you have a conscience and you learned your lesson the hard way. I'm sure that you didn't cheat bc all was going great in your relationship and its more important to forgive yourself and learn from your past actions instead of further punishing yourself. If you live with this guilt and don't move forward as in forgiving yourself, it turns into negative energy that becomes wasted energy bc its not being used to the fullest to better yourself and situations you may face in the future. From my past actions I learned that I make a bad cheater, its not who I am nor who I want to be, I will never do that again to anyone or myself, and I can share this with you bc I choose to forgive myself which gives me this energy to hopefully help you or anyone else. You can do it too and it helps when you help others however it is a choice we all need to make for ourselves after we have messed up.
OP I'm grateful that you blogged this topic and I hope I didn't step on your toes with my replies. Cheating is wrong yes and I honestly feel that each situation has its own story..ups/downs that can lead into such heartache for all involved. Then there are others who cheat who have no emotion whatsoever and them type deserve to be taken to the cleaners IMO.
Exactly what Mairin said! My
Exactly what Mairin said! My ExH cheated on me, it hurt, it hurt a lot, I THOUGHT about all of the horrible things I could do to him, but it never made it past wishful thinking. I am way too proud to use a man for money, regardless of what he has done. I'd sleep in my car before ever asking my Ex for a dime. Our divorce basically split everything 50/50, what we came in with we left with and the house? He ended up getting that free and clear. I just wanted to be done with him. Sometimes it bites that I helped pay for that house for 10 years and will get nothing back, but oh well, life goes on WITHOUT the cheating ass ex which makes the loss of that money/house tolerable.
A few states, including NY
A few states, including NY have these. They're called heart balm statutes.
IF my DH cheated on me... I
IF my DH cheated on me... I wouldn't have to "take him to the cleaners" because justice would be served by simply telling him to leave.
I own this house, I own my own car, I pay 60-70% of the bills (I have the more substantial income). Some of the things my DH has today, he'd never be able to afford on his own. Ditto with his acquired lifestyle and tastes.
So Karma would bite him in the butt, and I'd be just fine financially. In fact, probably better off because I pay out more money for stuff than he brings in. If some of those things were suddenly eliminated (his car payment, motorcycle insurance, cell phones for him and SK's) I'd be freaking RICH!
If my DH cheated on me, my
If my DH cheated on me, my revenge would be tossing him out. Getting money every month from him would just be a reminder of what an ass he is/was and probably hinder me from moving on with my life.
I can support myself just fine. I would rather get away from a cheater than be concerned with mo' money.