Am I Being Unreasonable?
We are having a party this weekend. It’s BS’s birthday. Well actually his birthday was a couple of weeks ago but DW and I decided to move the celebrations to this weekend in order to accommodate certain family members and SS. SS is actually with us this weekend which is a rare occurrence.
Well SS asked if he could have a friend over. DW and I thought it was a good idea. It would give SS the opportunity to socialize with one of his school mates on the weekend.
Now DW has been freaking out all week about the state that the house his in. Every day this week DW and I have been chasing our tail-ends in order to get the house in order and ready for Saturday. Then yesterday, SS asks if his friend can stay overnight. I was hesitant at first because my in-laws are also spending the night. We have the room, but this mean’s fixing the hide-a-bed couch and doing more laundry to clean the extra sheets. It’s doable, but it’s an added chore to a list of chores that is already a mile long.
Then, yesterday evening, DW comes to me and says “SS wants to know if his friend can stay over Friday AND Saturday night.” I immediately said no. "This is getting too much!" I said.
“Oh but SS hardly gets to see his friends on the weekend.” DW pleads.
First of all, neither of us know this kid. Quite frankly I’m a little appalled that the parents of this kid will let him stay over at a stranger’s house for a whole weekend, but again, whom am I to judge what other parents do. Secondly, we NEED SS to help us out on the remaining list of chores and things-to-do around the house tonight. Exactly HOW is SS supposed to do that while entertaining his friend? So I told DW, no; absolutely not. I think it is a bad idea.
Well DW starts to argue stating that *suddenly* there is not much left to do around the house.
Wha!?! The whole week she has been freaking out! I told her point blank that this weekend is supposed to be about BS and his birthday party. So why are we bending over for SS here!? It doesn’t make any sense to me. I am not preventing SS from hanging out with his friend, and he is certainly welcome to bring over any friend he wishes, but there has to be a limit!
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Comments
Give SS and his friend a list
Give SS and his friend a list of easy chores to do. It's an extra pair of hands, take advantage of it. They can set up chairs and tables or put up the decorations. If you play the cards right, this may work out to your advantage. And if you go a step further and let SS know in advance that if he pulls his weight this weekend, he'll be allowed to have sleepovers more frequently, it'll be a win win.
Edited to add: I do this all the time, my sons friends don't mind helping out all.
It's a good idea. A great
It's a good idea. A great idea in fact. And I would be all for it IF I knew who this kid was. I don't know....maybe it's just a hang-up I have, but I hate assigning tasks (even simple ones) to people I don't know.
Ok control freak (that's
Ok control freak
(that's totally the pot calling the kettle black btw). Go with this plan. Give him a list that he has to do before hand and make it clear that he and his friend will be helping during and for the clean up. If he fails to do so, there will be no second night and he will be grounded.
This could be a fun weekend with a little work or a grounded weekend- his choice.
Hmm....It might be short
Hmm....It might be short notice, but I am beginning to warm up to the idea of having two servant boys at the party }:)
Come to the dark side
Come to the dark side }:) free child labor! LOL
I thought I already was on
I thought I already was on the Dark side!
You must be a Sith lord.
According to my SS, yes! LOL
According to my SS, yes! LOL
Tell SS the kid can only come
Tell SS the kid can only come over if you speak to his parents first. You can't be 100% sure that this kid has permission either ..
I like this idea, he can have
I like this idea, he can have his friend over AND have extra help. It would be a condition of his friend staying.
I think one night is good
I think one night is good enough. Mainly because it is a kid you don't really know that well.
Actually I don't know him at
Actually I don't know him at all
I'm all for having the
I'm all for having the friends help out. When my kids have friends over, usually the friend is more helpful than they are. Try it tonight, if it doesn't work, send him home before the party.
^^^THIS^^^^ SS14's 2 friends
^^^THIS^^^^ SS14's 2 friends have stayed over quite a lot during the summer. They are brothers, less than a year apart. They tidy up and load and unload the dishwasher. One of them even mowed our backyard
Thank you for the laugh
Thank you for the laugh Foxie.
Now to learn more of this "Azsmadan". He sounds spiffy.
My daughter's friends were
My daughter's friends were the same, more helpful than she was sometimes. Yea, I don't understand some parent either. My daughter was in 5th grade and invited every girl in her class for a sleepover (10 girls). I was amazed how the parent just drove up to the curb and the girl got out of the car and came inside. The parents just drove off. If my child was sleeping over for the first time at someone's house I would go up to the door with her and introduce myself to the parents. But that's a whole nother topic!
I am not so sure about
I am not so sure about putting the kid to work on his first night there. (I would not unless he is told before hand that this is a cleaning day and if he wants to stay he will have to help SS do his chores)
Setting up chairs and blowing
Setting up chairs and blowing up some balloons isn't really considered WORK in my book. I find that my son likes to play the helpful son more so when his friends are around then when he is alone. It takes away the edge, lets you know what the kid is made of, if he's a good kid, he will GLADLY lend a helping hand. If he starts rolling his eyes and making rude comments like "Hmmm, who said I wanna help you?" then pack his shit and send him home. You can totally make it less "CHORE-ish" by saying to the guest "Ok kiddo, we're having a birthday party tomorrow and in order for SS to have a sleepover he signed you up for some light work. Are you in?" I doubt he'd say no.
My 2 cents says one night.
My 2 cents says one night. Being you've never met the teen you know nothing about him. If he's a polite/behaved kid, next time two would be ok. Being also you don't quite know how SS will behave with his own company being in the home and you have guest besides the teen friend, I'd go slow at first experience.
Second, before DW gives her final 'yes' to the overnight, she should remind her son that he blow off his chores (the stupid desk, even if he has finally cleaned it now)and that friends are not allowed to come sleep over in messy bedrooms. Just toss it in as a reminder to SS that having friends is a privilege he earns and if not doing his assigned tasks in a somewhat timely order means no earned privileges. It might help to motivate SS into being more mindful of his responsibilities.
With that said, let him have his friend. I'd invite for one evening plus the party. If all is going well, DW can decide if kid can call his folks and stay a second evening. I'd tell SS one evening so he doesn't toss a fit or be disappointed if there is no second night. If he doesn't know it's a possibility, he won't be upset it doesn't happen and will be thrilled if it does happen.
Now settle down. All homes go through a mad rush of making sure all is good before a guest arrives for a stay. I drive DH nuts before we're about to have a houseful. No, my house is 99.99% of the time just fine, but with guest I want it extra fine.