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BM's low blow/Confrontation

WWSMD's picture

Submitted by WWSMD on Fri, 09/13/2013 - 8:14am

BM is angry with me over the fact that DH is punishing the kids when they misbehave. She came to my house to confront me.

“I know you’ve been getting my kids in trouble and I know you been making it miserable for them every time they come here".

I explained to her that yes they did get punishments for cutting my hair and taking my things and yes I did encourage DH to punish them. No their time does not suck when they are here. Last weekend we took them to the flea market and they got to play all kinds of things and buy toys and eat ice cream so I don't know what she is talking about.

“Well the twins said you took their Xbox. Where is it?"

Yes we did take it and DH bought it so it stays here. They cut my hair. They came at me in my sleep with scissors and cut my hair. They won’t be getting it back.

“Well hair grows back get over it already. And if you want to treat someone's kids like she-t have your own kids and treat them like sh-t but you’re not going to treat mines any type of way. Oh yeah I heard you can't have kids. God does everything for a reason"

She left and I didn't have any clever comebacks to give because her low blow stung so badly. DH says he will drive by her place after work and talk to her about her actions.

Comments

not2sureimsaneanymore's picture

Submitted by not2sureimsanea... on Fri, 09/13/2013 - 8:23am

You may have issues conceiving but you deserve kids more than this trashy BM ever will. If I was your DH, BM would be getting more than an earful from me.

Hugs.

clydella's picture

Submitted by clydella on Fri, 09/13/2013 - 8:28am

Oh, I'm so sorry, I understand the sting of that. It was a low blow, one that was uncalled for.

I probably would have popped her in the mouth and said sorry, God made me do that, you'll get over it. But that's not really good advice.

stormabruin's picture

Submitted by stormabruin on Fri, 09/13/2013 - 8:31am

Next time she comes to your house, for anything, leave her standing on the porch. You're not obligated to open the door to her for anything.

You don't owe her opportunities to share her thoughts on anything. You don't owe her time to share her feelings or get things off her chest. You don't owe her answers for anything.

You are not obligated to justify anything you do to her.

She sunk low because that's where she lives. You don't need clever comebacks.

I hope your DH will be firm with her & send a clear message, & let her know that the next time she comes to confront you, you'll have her escorted off your property.

I'm sorry she hurt you. Only a completely scabby pathetic soul could be so hateful.

QueenBeau's picture

Submitted by QueenBeau on Fri, 09/13/2013 - 8:55am

agreed

B22S22's picture

Submitted by B22S22 on Fri, 09/13/2013 - 8:33am

I know hindsight is 20/20, but if it was me I wouldn't have even opened the door. The BM here has *tried* to do that a couple of times... simply because she wants to try to steamroll me but won't confront DH. I refuse to play, so I don't even answer the door. If she needs to discuss the SK's and the consequences DH has bestowed upon them, she needs to do it with DH, NOT with me.

From now on, don't answer the door, the phone, the mail, the email. Let your DH handle it.

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Fri, 09/13/2013 - 8:38am

"Amoebas procreate. If breeding is your shining achievement in life, that's pretty pathetic."

Haha, I like that Smile

askYOURdad's picture

Submitted by askYOURdad on Fri, 09/13/2013 - 10:10am

I'm not a vengeful person, but I really wish there was a way that you could cut her hair in her sleep!

Delilah's picture

Submitted by Delilah on Fri, 09/13/2013 - 9:04am

Sorry I am going to say it.

This is why some people should NOT procreate because what a marvelous example BM is setting her children :sick:

I am so sorry that she said that to you, I have had someone close to me say "at least I can have children..." and it was like a knife to the heart. The pain of having trouble conceiving and not being able to have children cannot be understood by everyone, however to use it to hurt someone else is inexcusable, especially when they are also helping to bring up children who are not their own Sad

You were right to press your DH into punishing his children for cutting your hair, that was really naughty and something which should be strongly discouraged. How you and DH parent and discipline the skids in your home, has little to do with BM (unless you are abusing the children or behaving completely inappropriately). Evidently BM has more time on her hands than sense unfortunately.

Please please ensure that from this point forward that you have NOTHING to do with BM. Ensure your DH communicates the fact that if she contacts you, talks to you, or comes near your home again that you will consider it harassment and you WILL press charges.

I am unsure how your local law enforcement works where you live, however I am in the UK and while my situation was slightly different, I DID report my BM to the police for harassment and abuse. I did not do this immediately and gave her several chances to shut her trap and stop involving me, but she did not. Now while I appreciate you may not consider what she did has "harassment" in the UK it would be. I ensured I reported the instances of threats and abuse from my BM as intelligence logs = meaning the instances were offically logged on the system and should she continue I could press charges, however I had evidence sitting there ready in case. I also appreciate your situation may be more difficult as it is your words effectively over hers (given it was only her and you there) but I would make some enquiries about whether you can make these reports to the local station (make a note of any paperwork referencing for this report) and what you can do to protect yourself should BM ignore DH.

anotherstepmom's picture

Submitted by anotherstepmom on Fri, 09/13/2013 - 9:01am

I'm so sorry she said those horrible things to you. It makes me sick. I can't say anything other than consider the source of that cruelness and feel sorry for her because she doesn't have a clue about how to be a decent human being.

askYOURdad's picture

Submitted by askYOURdad on Fri, 09/13/2013 - 9:10am

I think I'd put that Xbox on Ebay, and use the money to get my hair done.

^^^Best Idea EVER!

DaizyDuke's picture

Submitted by DaizyDuke on Fri, 09/13/2013 - 9:17am

BM is an ignoramous, BUT

What bothers me more though is HOW in the world does BM know that you can't have kids??? If your DH discussed this with her, I would be livid times 2,345,778!

omgsaveme's picture

Submitted by omgsaveme on Fri, 09/13/2013 - 9:25am

She shouldn't have said that because I see disgusting pigs having kids all the time who shouldn't EVER be mothers. The correct thing would have been for her to flip s*** that the kids felt they could enter your room and cut your hair with scissors. I can't stand my BS's "SM" but if I would have known that, I would have been yelling at my sons. And "hair grows back get over it" REALLY, just really

misSTEP's picture

Submitted by misSTEP on Fri, 09/13/2013 - 11:49am

My hair will grow back and if I stab you with a rusty knife, that wound will heal, too! Get over it.

whatwasithinkin's picture

Submitted by whatwasithinkin on Fri, 09/13/2013 - 10:03am

Make sure he tells her that you will no longer entertain speaking to her at all, and if she sets foot on your property again outside of dropping off the kids curbside that you will be contacting the police and placing a RO against her that you feel threatened.

And then follow through

nothinforya's picture

Submitted by nothinforya on Fri, 09/13/2013 - 10:36am

I live in Virginia. Here, you can send someone a No Trespassing Notice, which can be obtained from your local police/sheriff office. You fill it out, send it certified mail, and that person is no longer able to set foot on your property, or call your telephone, without the possibility of being arrested. That woman came to your home with the express purpose of intimidating you. That's terrorism, in my book. I hope there is a similar mechanism where you live. You don't need a restraining order or a court date, you can simply forbid her to come to your home with a little paperwork. I did this to my BM, and it felt great.

Yosemite's picture

Submitted by Yosemite on Fri, 09/13/2013 - 12:05pm

Maybe I'm just a bitch, but I wouldn't be able to help a snarky reply.
Like maybe-"BM, I thought about what you said and I agree God does everything for a reason. I'm pretty sure that God knew I would be too busy picking up your slack with your kids to have my own kids right now. Hopefully once you start parenting your own kids, He'll see fit to give me my own."

Or maybe- "Yeah He does. Just like He sent me to save your kids from the mind fuck you're giving them."

DaizyDuke's picture

Submitted by DaizyDuke on Fri, 09/13/2013 - 12:28pm

Ha.. that's what I did when BM2 made a smart ass comment to me before I had BS3 that "Maybe someday when I was a mom I'd understand" (When SS was acting like a shit and BM was defending it) I flipped out, told her that I would never be taking Parenting 101 from HER, the woman who let SS fall out of a 3rd story window when he was 3, the woman who let SS get burned by a hot iron when he was 2 leaving a huge scar on his hand and then I hung up on her. She didn't like that much, called DH and left him a message that he "better keep me on a leash" LMAO... as if.

hismineandours's picture

Submitted by hismineandours on Fri, 09/13/2013 - 12:49pm

I remember way back when bm tried to tell me what I needed to do in order to properly parent her son. That lived with me. She started leaving phone messages, demanding I do this or that-came to the door and ordered me around a few times-and I remained cordial but I just finally got tired of the nonsense. So after one such encounter I told dh to call her and tell her she is NEVER to call MY phone again-she can reach him on his cell. She is not to come to MY home for pickups or drop-offs because I don't want her on my property-instead we will meet her at the gas station. He did call and let her know. Apparently she didn't take it seriously as the next time she saw me out in public, she tried to quote me the state guidelines and tell me once again what *I* must do. I turned to her and simply said, *I* don't ever have to speak to you again. I am not a party to any state guidelines. I don't have a child with you. Do not ever speak to me again. She did not for years. After 3 or 4 years-and a general apology from her-I did speak to her a few times here and there briefly during an exchange or what not-. At this point in time it has probably been over 3 years since I've spoke to her.

itsmylifetoo's picture

Submitted by itsmylifetoo on Fri, 09/13/2013 - 1:11pm

I WISH my bitch BM would come at me...she just talks shit behind my back and is perfectly pleasant to my face. BM is so crazy I'm starting anxiety meds to help things roll off...as BM threw a fb message tantrum the night before about how I am such a bitch saying "if your relationship cant handle me calling to talk about UR kids, that's your problem" (Me in my head: UM....no bitch, his relationship cant handle you continuously calling and texting him from the time you get up until 9PM every night...youre so borderline and inappropriate...and your bitch behavior is poisoning your children...). Then she says "fuck you and fuck your games" WTF hooker, pretty sure you are one telling the kids that I shouldn't get them toilet paper or make them food when theyre at our house...who cut their dad out of coaching soccer because you didn't want me involved? Your jealous, selfish ass! BM get over yourself!
She also said "I texted itsmylife too to tell her about DS5s soccer game, and of course, no response" - - that's right, I blocked your ass from calling my phone 15 times every evening, you know this, why you mad?

FYI - he calls his kids every night at 7:30P - there is NEVER any reason for her call him to talk unless those kids are in trouble, she can talk with him at 7:30P.

Disneyfan's picture

Submitted by Disneyfan on Fri, 09/13/2013 - 1:24pm

You're a saint.

A. You opened your door.
B. You spoke to her in a nice, rational manner.
C. You didn't flip out when she made such a nasty comment.

I would have lost it from the very beginning.

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Fri, 09/13/2013 - 1:29pm

She came to my house to confront me.

The only thing she would've confronted was my front door. And I would have waved to her from the window and done this Blum 3

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Fri, 09/13/2013 - 1:54pm

And if MY kid cut somebody's hair, I would punish them myself. What kind of a mother thinks that is ok?

boogeymom's picture

Submitted by boogeymom on Fri, 09/13/2013 - 10:32pm

OMG, if my skids cut my hair, they would have to go into hiding. I'd probably slap them, then slap their mom for conceiving them. It makes no sense to me when some people have trouble conceiving, while it seems like people who have NO business having kids seem to have them so easily. If I were you, I would've told her if she thought it was hell for her kids to be at my house, she could go ahead and keep them and never send them back again. My DH did that to the BM once after she came and rescued the skids from our house for giving consequences. It lasted a week and a half before they drove her so nuts, she finally made them come back to our house and apologize for what they had done.