I really, truly do think skids can pick up on how we feel about them.

The blog about the sd with dyslexia made me want to write this, along with someone's comment that how they feel about bm trickles over to sd, and other comments about how cs makes them resent sks.

To which I say, it's not someone's fault they have a disability. It's not their fault they have a bad bm. It's not their fault that bm and dh won't help them. It's not their fault cs payments are so high.

If we resent sks to any degree because of these things (and they do pick up on it, trust me) its easy for me to understand why they behave the way they do towards us, and why they resent us. Some have claimed in the past that their sks don't pick up on this. They claim they are oh so sweet to these kids. I call bs.

These kids are powerless to change anything about these situations.

Anon2009's blog
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I have to wonder how many

I have to wonder how many times a SP knowingly or unknowingly puts their SO into a loyalty bind between his/her kids and the SP/second family bio kids.

I agree. There's venting

I agree. There's venting constructively about the frustrations of stepparenting, and then there's just outright gratuitous bitching about young children. If someone expresses petty, negative insults about their stepchild repeatedly, and gets endorsement, it just consolidates that negative mindset, it doesn't purge it. If you think negatively about something over and over again, the negativity becomes more entrenched. I just don't believe you can think that your young stepchild is annoying and stupid and not convey that to them on some level, and that's incredibly damaging. If I had experienced that level of contempt and annoyance with my stepchildren early on I wouldn't have continued in the relationship with their father, it would have been toxic for me and for them.

And then there are the self

And then there are the self righteous who like to pretend they stand morally above a person because they chose to come to an anonymous chat board and harmlessly express a secret frustration that they carefully keep under tight wraps at home.

Judgemental much?

Aren't you the person who

Aren't you the person who came on my blog and gave me a hard time for not stepping in and adopting BM's dog that she was getting rid of for no good reason, even stating that if I have to move homes to do it, I should?

She sure did! She called me a

She sure did! She called me a POS for not rescuing BM's dog. recap: BM was getting rid of her own dog/kids' dog so she could move in with her boyfriend. According to this poster, I was was supposed to go to any length possible to take the dog in (the dog who terrorizes my house and pets), even if it meant moving again and breaking my lease to do so. Still shaking my head over that one...

If thinking that referring to

If thinking that referring to a CHILD as "stupid" when the bioparents are really the stupid ones and thinking that resenting skids for things like bad BMs and/or cs makes me judgmental, I'll accept that.

Do you really believe that the posters we're duscussing just vent here and don't send out vibes of resentment to the kids about things they (kids) have no control over?

I agree. It is one thing to

I agree. It is one thing to have issues with a child's behavior, which typically is the fault of the parents, including their fathers. But to think a kid is stupid or believe they have major character flaws is crossing the line. And if you really just need to vent, say you are simply venting. Don't expect us to say "Hey, I agree, this learning challenged little kid is an idiot and you are right to hate the kid for it".

"Don't expect us to say "Hey,

"Don't expect us to say "Hey, I agree, this learning challenged little kid is an idiot and you are right to hate the kid for it".

Agreed.

I agree, but I think that is

I agree, but I think that is different. That's a normal reaction any of us would have to someone who's been horrible to us. I'm talking about things kids truly have no control over, like cs, their parents, their disabilities, etc.

That's the difference though

That's the difference though isn't it, you put in the time and effort, tried to start out positive, and only when it was clear that it was going nowhere did you draw your conclusions and withdraw your efforts. Which is pretty much what I did. When he was 7 you weren't belittling and insulting SS in front of strangers on a blog.

Not liking a bully is one

Not liking a bully is one thing. Insulting a innocent child with a disability is another.

The poster has said many

The poster has said many times that the heart of her frustration is that neither bio parent will recognize the childs needs for extra help, or that she is struggling. Wow.... that sounds more like concern than hateful SM to me.

SO what if she vented here? Isn't that what it's for? And who are all you to judge with your effed up family dynamics and situations.

Misinterpret the intent of one word and you all burn her at the stake!

And yes... I was the dog commenter. Because what you were doing was a P.O.S. move, if you are so interested in the judgements of others.

"The poster has said many

"The poster has said many times that the heart of her frustration is that neither bio parent will recognize the childs needs for extra help, or that she is struggling."

Then why not call the PARENTS stupid? Why stay with someone you're not married to who won't get his kid help?

I didn't do anything! I

I didn't do anything! I didn't go to the pound and pick out BM's dog. I didn't decide she should get a dog. I didn't even know FDH when SHE got HERSELF a dog. I had nothing to do with the dog.

SHE was the one getting rid of her OWN dog because SHE was moving in with HER boyfriend who didn't want the dog. I had NOTHING to do with that. How the hell is any of that my problem? You really think that after I just spent over 2K to move in this house a couple months ago that I should break my lease/ruin my credit and spend over 2K MORE to move to another house so I could offer to adopt BM's dog? I have three adopted animals already-- one is a cat I've had for 15 years that BM's dog terrifies by chasing her and barking incessantly. Should I euthanize my cat so I could adopt her dog?

Please wise one, tell me again how you are not crazy and weirdly judgmental?

Thank you. I was appalled at

Thank you. I was appalled at what BM did and that's what I was writing about. I am a bleeding heart when it comes to animals. This is nothing-- we used to have a dog, FIVE cats, hurt lizards, etc... Now I am down to a different rescue dog (other one passed away) and two old cats. Why would I jeopardize their happiness to "save" BM's dog that she shouldn't be getting rid of. I am paying close to $300 per month is vet care, food, toys, treats, supplements, etc... I have a medicine chart on my damn refrigerator. I am at my max. I still can't believe she thought I should MOVE OUT OF MY OWN HOUSE if my landlord wouldn't let me fix BM's problem and take her dog. Oh and I also work from home and would lose my job due to the dog's incessant barking (mine never barks) that BM never trained her not to do.

Oh and PS. My dog and I were featured in the newspaper story about love-- the shelter recommended me. I'm a real POS aren't I?

PPS. I have held many fundraisers and made lots of money for animal shelters. I suck.

I also send out emails to try

I also send out emails to try to find homes for animals in need. And every time, I have a hard time saying no myself. I would run a rescue if I could.

Only this particular poster

Only this particular poster accused me of being a terrible person for not taking the dog. BTW- No one ever directly asked me to take the dog. Just hinted. FDH immediately told BM that we are allowed only one dog here and we're already full.

The dog has a nice home now with someone who recently lost his beloved dog. Presumably, this guy will have time and willingness to train her, unlike BM.

She called a child with a

She called a child with a disability stupid. It was uncalled for and a bully move, ignorance should never be condoned.

There were many MANY other ways to have spoken her frustration without demeaning the girl for something she can't help/has no control over. Sorry but I don't take lightly people who bash disabilities. Even when frustrated you should know better than to bully someone like that.

Duh... isn't like every

Duh... isn't like every other person here doing that in one way or another?

That op wasn't. She stated

That op wasn't. She stated she disagreed with them but zeroed in on a child and called her stupid.

It's safe to say that sd and many other minor sks pick up the resentment their SPs feel about them regarding issues they (kids) have no control over. Even if the sp does vent here.

I wonder about this too. But

I wonder about this too.

But regarding the resentment portion, I do think that plays a big part, because nobody, child or adult, likes being resented for things beyond their control.

Anon2009, your Bio reads "SM

Anon2009, your Bio reads "SM to 2 SDs who are NOW really good kids and wife to a man who is NOW a really good, no-guilt-parenting dad" so I have to assume it wasn't always that way. Why didn't you just hang it up and walk out back when it wasn't so perfect? Maybe back when DH didn't set boundaries for BM, or when he didn't discipline the SKids, or when the SKids were disrespectful? Oh, that's right... you did the right thing and you struggled and you stuck it out.

But you think the OP should shit can her marriage because she expressed frustration that she hasn't YET gotten either bio parent to pony up and parent this kid?

I was married to him at that

I was married to him at that point. Kind of hard to just pack up and leave when you're married to someone. The op said this guy is her so.

She didn't express

She didn't express frustration with the parents, she expressed frustration with her stupid annoying SD, and concluded that she isn't just dyslexic, she's really stupid and slow. With that kind of attitude, yes she should leave, because when you start out with that much bitchy negativity things are unlikely to improve for any of them.