A year ago I agreed with DH to no longer discuss SD17 in the house with him...All it was doing was upsetting me and causing a fight. So we went to just let me know you are meeting with her via email. I am aware and he can't see my reaction and get mad at me. This worked well.

Last night, when we were discussing this upcoming dinner here with Sd17 after all these years, I told him that if there is stuff you haven't told me, you better tell me now. Well, he did and lets just say I actually punched him in the stomach. Not hard, but enough as we were sitting there to make me feel better....Absolute idiot!

Apparently after school let out last may, my SD called the police on the BM and Step dad....No reason just some argument. At the same time DH found out that she had failed two classes. Which he only admitted to last month, when this all came out as he begged me to understand about why he lied about her trip to see his parents...Apparently, he did call BM and went off on her about the grades and she told him about the police visit. BM admitted that she could now see how SD had manipulated her to believe everything about how we were so mean to her that led to BM encouraging her to sue us.

She admitted this...Hell of a lot of good it does now. SHE RUINED this child with PAS! Her husband actually told her that my DH wouldn't have let SD17 get away this at his house. The same man that sent a nasty email about how terrible a parent DH was and he was better because he had a certificate saying so from the county...Long story there...

Why did he not think I would want to know any of this. His answer was because I would have said I told you so about SD. Yes, but knowing that BM is finally getting what was coming to her, priceless.

I spent the last 4 years feeling guilty for all of this and now he can't tell me this...He really expects me to believe that this child has changed. All she has done is manage to have no relationship with her mother and is now lonely....Great!!

I told him, that there is no vacation with her and a lot needs to be proven before I would ever consider her moving back in. She has to really prove she has changed and I don't see her proving that by the time I buy the tickets for Xmas vacation...So he needs to accept that it is not probably happening. He did talk to SS15 about all of this and did tell SS that he wanted him to tell him anything that he felt about all of this. I told him I would not sacrifice SS's progress for hers. We talked about college for SD17. I confirmed again that he would not pay a dime. Her grades do not warrant it and he has to pay for SS. He said BM will pay. I told him he was severely naïve, if he thought she would pay for a child to the tune of 20K a year that doesn't have the grades. He think she will rather than have her live at home...We'll see. So glad, I have separate finances. But, him giving her a dime for college, will make me leave and I told him as much...I said I thought his expectations are high for this dinner and I will be courteous, but I am not letting that child back into my heart and she is not going on a vacation with us and I am still going somewhere over Xmas and he and our sons, can come along, but I am still going....They are complaining about the ports that a cruise would stop at since we have done most of them...My BS18 said he would go with SD as long as he had a private cabin...Not happening, not paying for it. He made it clear, he didn't want her there. Told DH and said that my son came first, since I pay for the vacations.

We came up with this agreement a few years back that I pay for the big vacation and the small ones. Housing only and he pays the rest of the expenses. Reason was that I live in his house and do not pay into the mortgage. We split everything. I kept my house and rent it out and make a profit. This balances it out especially given last year's large vacation was three times what we would normally spend given it was the Oasis for 7 days over Christmas. I will not give a dime of my money to that child...

Sorry for the rantings...So mad at DH right now, for not telling me things. Understand his reasoning, but it would have been nice to hear that BM had a mea culpa...